Selfish Motives

Jinde blinked and pushed those thoughts aside, turning to where Xin Lan stood. This follower of his had already noticed him and was looking over.

Jinde smiled and turned to Xiang Yu. "Leng Jin Yu left with Qiu Ling. Would you mind waiting here for another moment? There's something I'd like to discuss with Xin Lan."

"Oh. Sure." Xiang Yu nodded and went to wait below the plum tree. He crouched down to pick one of the flowers Qiu Ling had used before and stared at the small petals. He reached out, grabbed one of them and pulled. The petal came off and Xiang Yu opened his mouth, only to close it again. What was he supposed to say now?

There was nobody he'd like to see soon and as for somebody being in love with him … He tilted his head. That fake dragon was obviously in love with him. There was no reason to waste this flower on him. No, he should try to find something meaningful. Mn, maybe … He put the petal away and smiled.

"I know him."

He picked another petal but his smile dimmed. "I don't know him yet."

With a frown, he picked the third petal. "I won't get to know him."

He looked at the flower in his hand that had an obvious gap now. Ah, how sad it would be to never find the man that was supposed to be his other half. Hopefully … the flower wouldn't want him to end up like this.

He silently went on to pick the petals, his expression wavering between elation and depression. In the end, he picked the final petal with a bright smile. "I know him!" He leaped to his feet only to freeze with the petal still in his hand. "I know him but … Who is it?" He blinked his eyes and stared at the petal, finally touching the spot between his brows. Unfortunately, even though the Mark of Wisdom could tell him a lot, it couldn't be used to see the future. He had no way to find out just who the man was that was destined for him.

Ah, he should try and figure it out though. This was … very important. Mn, he should probably go through all the men he knew and see if there was somebody who wasn't in a relationship yet. After all, he didn't want to be that kind of person. No, he would find a respectable man that cared for him and cherished him and … He paused. He didn't know that many men. Was there actually one that would care for him and cherish him and was respectable? It seemed like he was asking a little much. Maybe … he could do without him being respectable? He didn't want to be with yet another man that couldn't care less about his well-being.

Xiang Yu sighed. Ah, he should have waited back then and not just followed Yan Xia. Then maybe he would know more men now and there would actually be a respectable among them. Now … things were looking bleak.

While a certain fallen god wallowed in self-pity, Jinde led Xin Lan to the study. He knew that his clothes were still lying around there but it wasn't like Xin Lan had never seen them before and it was much better than going to his bedroom. He sat down behind the table and looked at Xin Lan with a smile.

Xin Lan looked around and finally started to pick up the clothes strewn over the ground. He folded them up and finally put them on the table, eying the mess that had been left behind there. Ah, he really … didn't want to take care of this. But if he didn't move, wouldn't his Master think that something was wrong with him even more?

He knelt down beside the table and picked up the brushes that had fallen to the ground. As for the paper still lying on the table … He sighed. There was no way it could be used anymore with these creases. He picked it up but then hesitated. What now? Throw it into a brazier. Unfortunately, there weren't any.

"Ah, just put it to the side." Jinde waved as if he didn't care about this at all. Actually, he observed every one of Xin Lan's steps. When Xin Lan went over to the shelf to drop the scrolls, he sighed. "I mentioned having a child to Jin Yu."

Xin Lan froze. His hands trembled and he forced himself to calmly put the scrolls down before he turned back to face Jinde. "A child?"

"Mn."

"What did he say?"

Jinde chuckled. "That we were both men."

"Then you … you told him?" Xin Lan went back to the table and sat down next to Jinde. He didn't bother to tidy up the rest. Talking about this was much more important. He couldn't change his Master's decision but … he at least wanted time to prepare.

Jinde sighed. "Telling him … How could there have been enough time? First, that bear child barged in, then you brought a fallen god here."

"I'm sorry. Had I known …" Xin Lan inched closer and reached out, gently grabbing onto Jinde's shoulders. "Well, he shouldn't have anything against it. You can calmly talk it over with him after he returns. Until then … you should take good care of your body and … maybe your soul."

"My soul … That's still the biggest hindrance. I'll need to recover some strength if I want to do this."

"Mn." Xin Lan pressed against Jinde's shoulders, carefully massaging him. "Master …"

Jinde raised his brows at him.

"The reason I brought him here is that he said he could heal an injured soul. I don't know how and if it'd be feasible even in your case but … I gathered it couldn't hurt to try. Let's talk to him and see if he can help. If he can … there would be no problem having that child."

Jinde's brows raised even higher. "You're telling me? I would have thought … you wouldn't like the idea of me having this child."

Xin Lan's hands didn't pause but he did lean closer. "You mean because … I have some selfish motives?"

"If you want to say it that way. Yes, I do assume there is something like that."