Confessions

Sarah watched the Smith Twins walking ahead of her. Kyle had a paper bag from the earlier shop while Kay was excitedly waving her hands while talking to Kyle. She took in a deep breath and tried to calm down her rapidly beating heart.

She had been so engrossed talking to Beatrice that she had not realised that Kay and Kyle had walked out. Luckily, they had not heard what they had been talking about. Otherwise, she would just die.

Beatrice noticed Sarah's discomfort and awkwardly patted her had to reassure her. Sarah smiled gratefully. It was strange. They had just met and Sarah found herself spilling the beans to Beatrice. Perhaps it was because she had hidden it for so long that it just burst out? Even now, she couldn't believe what happened.

It was right after they ran out of the store. Both of them sat down at the bench that was conveniently located right outside. They looked at each other and then burst into laughter.

"What was that all about?" Beatrice said, as she looked into the store and observed Kyle studying the bra intently, "To think a guy can actually do that ... "

"I know, right?" Sarah said, "Kyle certainly is an enigma. Even though he's staring at the bra like that, it doesn't seem like it's perverted, you know? He's all so serious."

"Yes, I can see that," Beatrice agreed, "Still, it made me uncomfortable to be standing there next to a guy who is holding on to a bra."

"Yeah," Sarah said softly and her eyes never left Kyle. She observed how he was looking at all the styles, touching one or two and choosing a few.

Beatrice looked at Sarah and then at the way she was looking at Kyle.

"Do you like him?" Beatrice asked.

Sarah turned to her in horror, "What makes you think that?!"

"The way you're looking at him right now, when he's not looking," she said, "There is this ... softness in your face. There was even a ghost of a smile on your face when you were looking at him earlier."

"It's your imagination," Sarah insisted, denying and shaking her head, "I just admire him, that's all. Nothing more than that."

"Umm," Beatrice responded, not wanting to pry but was merely curious.

"He's my best friend's brother, so ..." Sarah began, trying to explain when she saw (what she thought) was the disbelieving look on Beatrice's face.

Beatrice just looked at her, and asked, "So?"

"So, I just ... I mean, I hang around them a lot, so it's only natural that I admire him, right?"

"Umm," Beatrice responded again, "I guess?".

Truly, she didn't know. Was it normal? Was it not? How would she, who hardly met people and hung out with them, know what is normal or not?

"Kyle is so handsome and kind," Sarah went on, "He treats his sister like gold and his friends like brothers. I've never met anyone as wonderful as him. So, of course I'd be affected whenever we meet up, right?"

"Affected? What do you mean?"

Sarah was flabbergasted. Right. Just what DID she mean?

"I don't know. I guess ... I get flustered?" Sarah said, trying to explain, "I mean, I can talk to him and all that but if he's too close, I find myself feeling all nervous. I can't get used to that face!"

Beatrice nodded, thinking it made sense. She was the same with Sam, wasn't it? She had absolutely no trouble talking to other people but whenever Sam was too close, or when she could see his face so clearly, she found herself feeling weird. Guess nervous was the right word?

"Yeah, I suppose? It's the same with me with Samuel," Beatrice admitted, partly to confess and partly to let Sarah know she's not the only one who can feel that way.

"Samuel?" Sarah asked, puzzled, "Is he your cousin or something?"

"No, my classmate. Samuel Johnson," Beatrice explained.

"OH! You mean Sam," Sarah said, nodding. So that was the type of face that Beatrice liked, huh? "So you find him hot?"

Beatrice's face flushed red, "I cannot deny that his features are quite attractive, but that is all there is to it."

"You mean to say he's just a pretty face?" Sarah said with a gasp.

"NO!" Beatrice shouted, aghast but realised that her words could have been misconstrued that way, "Samuel is very smart and responsible. So much more than a guy his age. I just meant that there is nothing other than a casual appreciation of his features. My mum is already teasing me about him and imagining God-knows-what, so I guess I wanted to make sure that you don't misunderstand me."

"Ah, I see," said Sarah. She hadn't stopped looking at Kyle, though she did look at Beatrice once in a while, while they were talking. Beatrice notice Sarah was looking quite displeased. Angry, even. She looked to where Sarah was looking.

She saw a rather attractive woman with watermelons for a chest, talking to Kyle. Even from that distance, Beatrice could tell from the lady's body language that something wasn't right.

"Shameless," Sarah was saying under her breath.

"What? What is?" asked the clueless Beatrice.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Sarah, pointing at the lady beside Kyle, "Can you see where she's looking? She's been examining Kyle from top to bottom ... and ... and even looked THERE!"

"There? There where?"

"Urgh," Sarah groaned. Beatrice really was such a straight-laced person. Was she really older than them? Sarah didn't answer, but instead, looked down to her lap and Beatrice finally got it.

"Really?!"

"Yes, really!! Has she no shame! Granted, Kyle's hot but what's with that ... OH MY GOD. Did she just do that?! Did she?! Did you see that!!" Sarah asked agitatedly, grabbing Beatrice's arm and shaking it.

"You mean taking the bra to show Kyle?" Beatrice asked in confusion.

Sarah hit her forehead, "Yes and no. In leaning forward to get the bra, she mushed those watermelons on his arm! She's obviously trying to hit on him."

Beatrice continued to look at the two, and shook her head, "She's not doing anything other than just standing there. Isn't that what all sales ladies do?"

Sarah sighed, giving up. Beatrice hadn't see what she had, and even if she did, Sarah suspected that Beatrice would simply brush it aside as an accident. Sarah knew better, though. Just look at the way that hussy swished her hips. Then put those arms beside her and making her boobs stand out more. Shameless to the core!

The only thing that made her feel appeased was that Kyle looked completely unaffected by it all. He just kept on looking around and was not paying the hussy any attention.

"You ... seem pretty agitated just for a friend," Beatrice commented.

Sarah gulped.

"Any friend would feel the same way!" Sarah protested.

"Really?" Beatrice said, "I wouldn't really know."

"What? You've never had a friend before?"

"No," Beatrice replied simply, without any emotion.

Sarah gasped and grabbed her hand, "Omigosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it that way!"

Beatrice smiled and said, "Why are you sorry? It's the truth and a fact. I've always kept to myself. It's Kay and Kyle that is always making me mix more."

Sarah nodded then sighed.

"Look, Kay's out," said Beatrice, "It shouldn't be long now."

"Yeah," Sarah agreed. Then she watched the close interaction between the siblings and a pang went to her heart. Such scenes were getting harder and harder to watch, and it was something that happened often. She knew she had to get used to it but the longer she got to know them, the harder it was ... and the more pain she felt.

Sarah looked down, knowing why she was feeling that way and she hated it. She wanted to go back to her carefree, innocent days but she can't.

"What's wrong?" asked Beatrice softly, noticing the sadness that suddenly seem to fall upon Sarah.

At that point, Sarah just looked at Beatrice and asked, "Can you keep a secret?"

Beatrice was shocked, but answered immediately, "Of course."

Sarah looked back at the Smith Twins, who were hugging and then Kyle kissing Kay's forehead. She felt even worse then.

"I ...." Sarah began, not knowing where to start and not knowing why she suddenly had the need to tell someone. Anyone.

"I'm in love with Kyle," Sarah said in a whisper.

"Wait, what? But didn't you say you simply admired him?" Beatrice asked, genuinely puzzled.

"No! I mean, yes! I mean.." Sarah took a deep breath, "Yes, I admire him and as time went by, I realised it had grown to something more."

"So why don't you confess?"

"Because I know that he has no feelings for me, other than as his sister's friend," Sarah explained.

Sarah took a deep breath, "The worse thing is, Kay is my best friend. It may sound strange since we've only known each other for a few months, but that's how it is. She's the kindest, sweetest and most wonderful person ever and I love her like a sister."

"So perhaps it's only natural that I fell in love with her brother, too," Sarah said.

Sarah bit her bottom lips again and suddenly, the words wouldn't stop. It was as if a dam had broken, "I didn't want to, really I didn't. I kept denying it and telling myself that he's just a friend and all that but ... but ... but I finally realised that it was more than that."

Beatrice studied Sarah, who was having this rather pained look on her face.

"But ... how did you know that you fell in love with Kyle? That it wasn't just simple admiration?"

"I wish I didn't realise. I wish I continued to be oblivious. It's like, the moment it hit me, everything changed," Sarah lamented.

"But how did you know?" Beatrice pressed on. She had zero knowledge about this and she wanted to know more. How to recognise it. What was it like? How did it feel? Love. Such an abstract concept. How did admiration turn to love?