I Am Strong...

I don't think anyone would understand what it means to be in a family where there are a lot of restrictions, you can't dress this way, you can't talk this way, you can't make friends, you can't go out, you just can't do anything you are not told to do.

Growing up, I was a kid who really loved exploring. Remembered when my dad took my siblings and I to visit a zoo, it was a whole new experience for me, like I was the happiest, I wanted more, I wanted to travel to different places and gain more knowledge about life and things happening around me but getting home I remembered going to the zoo was as a result of my whinnings and crying, and dad already made me promise him that I won't ever trouble him about my exploration obsessions.

I entered my room, closed the door quietly behind me 'cause I don't really want to drag any attention to myself and end up getting whipped. I cried silently under my duvet, suddenly the door was flunged opened, my heart splitted into two as I heard my dad's voice.

"Why in heaven's name are you crying?".... Dad asked.

I'm finished, how did he know I was crying, I was alone in the room, I was under my duvet, I was crying silently that I didn't even know I was crying, how did he know about it? I pondered on these questions as I quickly wiped the tears off my face and jumped out from under the duvet.

" I was not crying"..... I denied as I tried to avert my eyes from his gaze, at that moment I caught a glimpse of my younger sister grinning at me, my heart dropped as anger and pain engulfed me.

She did tell on me, she told dad I was crying, what in heaven's name did I do wrong?

These questions kept turning and churning in my head that I forgot I was almost on trouble, a tear dropped off my eye and that was the end of my short memory.

Before I could turn to look at my dad, a slap landed on my face and I fell to the ground, he started whipping and whipping and whipping and whipping, at first I thought I was used to all these whipping and bullying, yes I was used to it all but the memories of being the only one getting whipped was still fresh, it stings and whipping whipping wasn't making things any better, I let out an outburst of crying and suddenly I couldn't breath, I kept trying to catch my breathe, I struggled a lot and thay made my dad stop whipping, he panicked as he helped me sit upright and told me to breathe, he slowly rubbed my back, and blowed air on my face through his mouth.

It hurts a lot, seeing how you never get treated like a child that you are when you need it the most but you get treated like you mean everything in the world when they are at the verge of losing you.

Tears began to flow non stop as these thoughts kept entering my head.

"Have you eaten, what do you want to eat?".... Dad asked calmly

I shock my head indicating not hungry and he carried me and laid me to bed

" Just rest up".... He said and left the room, my sister stood looking at me confused about what just happened

She knew dad would definitely stop beating me but caring for me all of a sudden was new. She walked up to me still looking confused

"You're faking, right?".... She asked as she crossed her arm over her breast

I looked at her and wanted to pounce on her the exact way I felt but my limbs were numb, my voice lost and eyes blurry as tears never stopped flowing.

" Weak entity ".... She said as she walked out of the room with her shoulders held high.

Y'all will probably think I'm not the child of my parents, or I was probably adopted or a relative who came to live with another relative because of circumstances but to clear y'all of your doubts, I am the first child of my family, the very first that opened the womb of my mom, the very first they both loved and cherished, the very first they ran with their heart in their hand when she was ill, the very first they cuddled almost every night, the very first they called baby, love, cutie, the very first they were proud to have.

I have little or no memory of how it was like as a child but I know it was fun, at age 7 I had to take up responsibilities as the first child, have to wash the plates, sweep the house, mop the floors, wash my clothes including my sister and brother's who were already 5 and 3 respectively, I thought to myself, all these will end when my siblings clocks 7 too.

When I clocked 7, my birthday gift was an apron, though I was young my height defiled my age, my dad's very tall and so is my mom, so I inherited their tall genes, at age 7 I looked like I was 15, so people always made fun of my height especially in my class, but that was nothing compared to the bullying I face at home, and anytime I question the way I was treated, I'm always told it was disciplining me and parental love.

At age 7, I already knows the secondary school math, I was in no way allowed to take a break, I have to become a medical doctor and take the family out of suffering, I had no dream of my own. I remembered one time at age 13, dad asked my sister what she wanted to become and she said an agriculturist, my dad looked at her proudly and said he would support her with all he has, but I was here, I wanted to become a navy, or a singer and a writer, I want to be an actress as a side hubby, I want to travel the world and explore, how come my dreams are not important? Nobody ever asked me what I wanted to become, what I wanted to do, what I love doing, so on and so forth. I was hurt once again.

"But dad, I don't want to be a medical doctor, I have my dreams too".... I said hopeful he would ask me what I wanted to become.

" You have so many responsibilities on your shoulder, becoming a successful medical doctor is the only way you will he able to take care of these responsibilities ".... Dad said without looking at me

" Your siblings are your responsibilities, your mom, I, the house I want to live in, the cars I want to drive, the food and everything needed to sustain life are all your responsibilities, so you can't become who you want to if you want to be able to take care of these responsibilities ".... Dad said as he looked at me with pity and hate.

" Oh o-k".... I replied and ran to my room, even if I was going to breakdown, it shouldn't be in the presence of my sister, she has been my rival ever since she came into the family.

"I am strong, I am kind, I am elegant, I am hardworking".... I began to affirm until I was able to catch my breathe and became calm.