The ninth day of 2023

I thought I'd have some time before I felt this low again.

I feel miserable.

Sick at the thought of you.

My appetite is none existent.

My heart feels like somebodies carved half of it out and just left it hollow. I didn't love hurt like this. Makes me think of all the time I sang sad love songs simply for the aesthetic. Now I think of you so I can't listen to them anymore.

My heart hurts.

My sister said I should be fine in six weeks.

My horoscope gave me two with the occasional ups and down.

I hope it's sooner.

I had to cancel my lesson because I'm so down I might crash the car for the sake of not living anymore.

I've not had an easy life, but very rarely have I felt this low.

I had a strange turn of emotion today- emotionally yearning at some point became very physical. But I received a few welcome distractions- enough to push you off my mind for long enough for me to stop feeling like I was going to cry at any second.

This is strange and maybe even childish to say- but I think you and I were soulmates. I think we met before once.

Our love felt pure, but I think that's because you were my first.

But I truly hope we don't become anything more than how we've ended it.

And at least once- I don't want to end up eating my own words.