Chapter 8- Not Edited

So, my dilemma was what do I tell Collin, the mysterious linebacker from our top rival school. Who was also easy on the eyes, might I add. I decided to tell him the truth... just kidding you think I'm that stupid? All I knew was this guy would not have anything on me. He'd use it against me.

He may seem all sweet and innocent now, but he wasn't. No guy was. In fact, as much as I hated to admit it, my brother was probably going to end up being a player too. They all were. There to use you, abuse you, and destroy every hope you have. Even the team I didn't trust. I've seen them around girls. They were definitely not ashamed of it. I mean, they were my guys and I loved them to death, but really? I wouldn't open up to them and tell them anything. Especially about all of those years. I just couldn't.

So, I decided to tell him something that wasn't a complete lie. Because, let's face it, I'm not good at lying, AT ALL. Keep it vague, Andy, I instructed myself. "My brother and me got in a fight and he took off on me." He gave me his best concentration face, which ended in a few crinkles in his forehead and me using all of my self-control not to laugh at his adorable face.

"Shiitake mushrooms, that sucks. I'm sorry, Andrea." I not only cringed at the use of my actual name, but I was completely baffled how he knew what it was. Sensing my shock, he explained, "I have to know who my competition is, don't I?" He chuckled attempting to lighten the mood, and it was working.

"It's Andy." I stated, I hated when people used my actual name. It brought back bad memories and even the trial that was officially stuck in my dreams for nights on end.

"Right, sorry. I feel like all I'm doing is apologizing, the irony was I was about to say sorry for that too." He laughed again. Why was he being so... socially awkward, if that was a good term for it. That was kind of my job, as I was the queen of it. "Andy," wow he made my name sound beautiful, I wish the doubts in my head about beauty would go away. "Look, about the other day, I am glad you did what you did. Josh deserved it, and I'm sad to say he's my friend sometimes. I'm sure you understand, but I thought you should know, not all of our team are asses and womanizers."

The face he gave me was a face I saw all the time. The same face of the social workers. And the countless therapists. Not to mention the jury. The police. The judge even. It was pity. That look was the reason I didn't tell people "my story." Because they would no longer look at me as this strong confident human; they would look at me like I was weak, broken, incapable. It is crazy how people change their impression of you in a manner of seconds. From that moment of shear shame written on Collin's face, I made a pledge to myself. Even if I had more encounters with him in the future, I would never give him another reason to pity me.

"You are all still guys, though. Just because you don't act like it majority of the time, doesn't mean it isn't in you," I point out truthfully.

"I know you are going through a rough time," you have no idea, "So I'm going to ignore the shade you just through at me and half of the population. But, we will revisit that discussion later, when you are back to your feisty self."

"Oh yeah? Well, you've met me once, so don't even act like you know me," I snap.

"Anyone can see you are fierce, if I asked your teammates they would call you the same thing I just did. Sure, I don't know you well, and I'm not going to pretend I do. However, I wouldn't mind getting to because you seem really chill even if I have only 'met you once.'" He did air quotes around the last part, and it was only then that I realized I was being kind of a jerk.

"Now it is my turn to apologize. Maybe you are right, and not all guys are jerks. You really don't seem like one, but in my experience, I just prefer to think of them as animals. It's easier."

"For who?" He trailed off and I got lost in my thoughts. Was it easier for me? Yes, it was. If I don't let guys in, I don't get hurt. Was it easy for them? I mean, yea I'm not all sunshine and rainbows. Well this is the point of the conversation, where it was too deep for a stranger, too deep for anyone I have ever confided in, in my life. It was time for me to skirt before I actually revealed who Andy truly was. A scarred shell of a human, left fighting after her father beat the living daylights out of her for eons.

"Would you look at the time! This has been real, Collin. But I have to go, so I'll see you around. Try not to get any concussions or stuff! Bye!" Wow, and the award for most awkward outro goes to, drum-roll please... ANDY! For her attempt at a "break a leg" football comment. I walked away, more like sprinted before he could say anything else. Now, it was time to go home and face the fumble.

***

As soon as I got through the door my little brother's arms were around me. I breathed a sigh of relief, who would have known it would be that easy.

"Annie, I'm sorry. I had no idea, I forgive you for punching a guy who deserved it. In fact, you want me to punch him to? Just let me at him! I love you so much sis." My brother's little confession made my heart melt.

Maybe, just maybe, not all guys are animals.