If we are meant to be

But he immediately kneeled beside him. Slowly approached him, when he came closer he saw how Yitian had problems breathing. He was gasping for breath, trembling, and crying. He reached out to Yitian, but he jerked away, breathing even faster.

"It's me, it's Chao. I'm here. I'm here. Breathe," he whispered calmly. He knew these symptoms because Chao himself had panic attacks many times. Yitian looked at him with surprised and scared eyes. He reached out and Chao took his hand.

"Breathe. I'm here. So. What's that book? You were searching for one. What was the name of it?" He wanted to take away his attention, so Yitian would calm down. It helped. He was looking into Chao's eyes, not moving an inch, but his breathing slowed down a bit.

"I will help you. We can look for it together." Chao kept his talk short, gentle, and not loud. He was often saying things over and over again, still holding Yitian's hand, not letting him go, just letting him feel that someone is there for him.

"Thank you." Yitian squeezed out when his breathing normalized. He even stopped trembling so much and showed a slight smile. He looked so vulnerable that Chao couldn't help himself. He wiped away his tears and smiled back.

"No problem. I'm here. I'm used to attacks like that. I will be here for you if you need my help." Yitian smiled back and panic was nowhere to be seen. But he still kept his calm demeanor. Yitian stood up but kept his distance towards Yixing.

"Was it him? The trigger?" Chao asked, pointing at Yixing, who looked shocked. Yixing's mouth opened to start talking again but Chao stopped him with his intense gaze. It worked because Yixing closed his mouth and made two steps back. He turned around and waited for Yitian's answer. Even if he was curious about why he has panic attacks, he couldn't force him to tell it. It was Yitian's choice and he could only respect if he did not want to share. Because it was his life, his demons. But to his happiness, Yitian looked at him and nodded. Then it took him a while to continue.

"I'm afraid of screams. Sudden loud screams and noises," he said and trembled a bit. Chao squeezed his hand a bit, to let him know he is still there with him.

"Is it my fault?" Chao asked. Knowing the truth. He could have been quiet that day and nothing would happen. It was his fault. Again.

"No. It's not. I… it's mom's fault. She is far worse now. Her work is too stressful so she needs to release her pressure…" Yitian said and looked down. The whole time he was looking at the floor, still squeezed into a corner.

"So when Yixing shouted and was so close, you got scared?" Chao asked, Yitian nodded. It made sense. If his mother was shouting every time beating him then he had to be scared of loud things. Chao made a mental notice to never shout when near Yitian. He turned around to face Yixing.

"I know, I know. I'm waiting outside of the library. Take your time. If anything dm me," he whispered and backed away from the toilets. Chao wondered why no one came in yet. That was weird. Usually, the toilets were pretty busy. He looked around.

"Do you want to go to the library. It will be quiet there. And I don't know what to do if someone comes in," Chao whispered and waited for an answer again. 'Remember be patient, Yitian has to be confused, embarrassed, and tired too,' Chao thought for himself. He knew how hard panic attacks were. He had them a lot as a child. Every time seeing fire or when he saw a black SUV. He suddenly got an idea.

"Let's go away," Yitian said in a tiny voice. And moved towards Yitian. Slowly. Afraid. They still hold hands when exiting the toilets. Surprisingly, Chao's question was answered when he saw Yixing standing in front of the doors. He was just saying to some guy that this toilet was used for something when he saw them. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, said it's free again, and was getting closer to them when he whispered:

"I just thought, you may need some privacy. I'm going to our room, okay? Take your time with your friend." Then he left for the exit. Yitian saw it and gestured with his head towards leaving Yixing.

"It's okay just to let him go like that?" he asked, his voice more steady and firm. He was coming together. Maybe the idea, Chao had, wasn't even needed. Then went hand to hand to the library and looked for a free table. Most of them were occupied, when they finally found one near the end. They both sat down when Yitian noticed the hand he was holding. He quickly let go and retreated his own hand under the table.

"I'm sorry," Yiian whispered looking down. But Chao only smiled.

"I don't mind it. If it helps you. You can take it." Chao put his hand palm up to the table, showing Yitian he meant his words for real. Yitian looked up with a confused expression on his face.

"Why do you do this? I'm not worthy of anyone's attention." Yitian still wasn't looking up, he was just playing with his bag.

"I have to admit something," Chao stated, "I honestly have no idea. Maybe I pity you, maybe I see myself in you, so I want to help you. Or maybe I just feel regrets and bad conscience, so I want to make it better. Or I just don't want you to die. I don't want to see it ever again." Yitian looked shocked at this confession. His eyes lit up with curious flame and Chao was pretty amused by this little boy. Maybe because Yitian had no childhood, he was behaving like a child sometimes.

"Will you tell me what happened to you?" Yitian said, looking really interested, and Chao decided to tease him a bit.

"I will. But when we meet next time." He flashed him a big smile, that he used when he wanted something from his brother. But he did not know that Yitian would react that way.