At the expense of my life

His Majesty stepped into my room cautiously. He looked at Little Livian and smiled, even though he knew these were my clothes and jewelry he wasn't upset at me at all for letting her wear them. What is happening, everything I thought I knew seems to be so different now. I am feeling confused again. Little Livian curtsied and left us alone.

"Where would you be comfortable? We can talk here or we can somewhere else," he offered with a weak smile. He seemed nervous. Truthfully, I didn't want to delay this conversation any further so I invited him to sit in my small sitting area with me.

He came and sat across from me. He was giving me space surprisingly. I shook my head to clear it. He grabbed one of my teacups painted with the waves of the ocean and started tapping his fingers against it as I saw him try to think of where to start. I didn't feel like pressing because I already had made enough mistakes over the past few days. It was my turn to try and be genuine. I don't feel like I really know anything anymore, or what I can believe.

"I could tell you everything, for how I was engaged to the Empress despite begging my father to allow me to court you, or how I was consumed by jealous to see you fall in love with another as I suffered through unrequited love," he paused, thinking for a moment. Clearly, he doesn't want to ramble his whole life story to me, knowing I wouldn't be swayed by a sad backstory. Wise move.

"But I know you aren't that kind of the woman. The truth is I did wrong by you, and there is no excuse for that. I claimed to love you but I hurt you, truthfully, I didn't know what I was doing and I was so scared you would forever be out of my reach that I let my family's influence and my own impulses overtake me," He put his hand over his mouth and looked away from me, ashamed to look at me after admitting this.

I waited to see what more he had to tell me. I did my best to not let my rage control me and scream him out of my room. I cannot go back to being a single noblewoman, my family would never take me back from the sounds of it. Who could blame them after what I had done in the past few days? I wouldn't be able to marry someone else either. I had to find a way to live my life without hurting my little Livian again.

"I'm sure you've noticed, but the portraits here show my ancestors happy with their unsatisfied mistresses. They suggested I make you my mistress to make you mine, and that was their advice to me, but, I don't want you to stick by my side just because I forced you," He held his breath for a moment. "I know you can't return to your family, but you can live here comfortably and I will not bother you, or even see you again if that is what you like, I need to pay for my crimes. I have done terrible things when I tried to make you forget your previous life, and to change your heart no matter how I felt," He looked down and hide his face a little. He was waiting for my response.

I took in a deep breath, taken aback by this sudden remorse he was showing me. He must have learned regret when I ran off, even if it was only a few days. I still had no choice but to accept to stay here, but his offer was reasonable enough. I got up and walked over to his side. He looked surprised to me so close to him as I put my hand on his back. He held his breath almost as if he was afraid for a moment.

"Thank you, for letting me be free, I accept your offer. I'll stay here but we should part," I replied. I saw a brief bittersweet smile on his face. He nodded his head as he bowed to me. He was about to leave when I stopped him, "Wait,"

He turned to me with surprise. When I looked a little closer I saw his eyes were beginning to swell as the white of his eyes was red. He had dark circles under them as if he hasn't slept in days.

"I am sorry," I said, looking down in shame at the memory of what I did. No woman should ever run away with a man they know they can't be with on a pipe dream, let alone when they have so few memories. I caused Livian so much pain, but I could see she wasn't the only one who was hurting in my absence. I was still angry about everything, but he was trying to make things right, so I should too. He turned to me with a gentle smile, holding back the tears in his eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I am the one who trapped you with my own greed. You are unobtainable, and I have never felt that before, I am sorry for the pain I have caused you," He couldn't help it as a single tear fell loose before he walked out of that door. I smiled, touched at his actions today. I knew it didn't make up for nearly enough, but at least I could be comfortable with little Livian to my side.

As I watched him leave my room, not even stopping to shut the door all the way. He really wasn't as average looking as I remember. His face while it wasn't as refined as Leo's, it was one that always showed his true feelings. I retreated back to my room for the night as I sat and thought about all that was done.

I was still enraged about his previous treatment of me, but now, I felt so unsure. How could one do such cruel things only to be so remorseful to the point they want to reverse all they have done? I guess I could understand when I thought about how I ran off because I was in love, only wishing I never did it now. Perhaps love is a delusional thing we need to be cautious of. I put some walls around my heart as I felt it break inside. A few tears slipped from my eyes even though I tried to deny my feelings, they spoke to the hurt I still felt from Leo's betrayal and cruelty.