1. Suffer in silence

(Voices whispered in her ear)

Your Father left you...

Your brothers left you...

And now even your mother left you too...

You have no one but me....

Why?... (Giggled)...

Because you don't deserve anyone except for yourself..

That is me.... your own self ...your best friend..

Besides you hates everyone....remember?...

You'll be alone for the rest of your life

And that would be your destiny....

Forever....

And ever...

The sounds of women laughing suddenly appears, laughing with maniacal cackle.

Her eyes suddenly opened, awakes from deep sleep when those echoes laughter just getting louder and pierced into her ears.

Those disembodied voices makes her feels suffocated even the fact that was actually just a dream.

She sits up in her bed, covering her face with both hands; breathing heavily, overflowing tears and sweat, she was indeed being under panic attack as she was having a nightmare.

"Its okay, it's just a dream", while hugging herself tightly tried to comforting herself.

Woke up in the middle of the night always happened to her even after so many years and yet it still going on tormenting her life ; her childhood memories were absolutely a nightmare.

But not long after that; she lay down on the bed gradually calming herself down and begins to feel more relaxed.

She gazed at the ceiling, obviously couldn't get back to sleep and probably would stayed up all night long, over thinking of every aspect of her life especially about work. In most cases, there's a reason for the fatigue that literally makes her struggles with feeling unmotivated to go to work from time to time.

*** I have nightmares every single night

***It torturing me..

It always burdening her life as she's been dreaming the same dream over and over again that eventually wakes her up forcibly; whereas she really needs to get some rest and gained up more energy for her to go to work.

All of sudden her phone rang; filled the room with music and breaking the silence.

She then lazily reached out her phone on her bedside table and glanced through it.

It showed one specific date on her phone screen, "6th May – go to mom".

It was indeed a special day for her, the day when she was born into the reality world and now she's already 29 years old.

She never celebrating her own birthday; thinking that to celebrate her birthday isn't necessarily important to her anymore except for visiting her mother and spent almost most of her time in there, just reminiscing all those precious moments with her mother.

***For me, it was just like any other day

***I don't feel anything special about it except for seeing my mom

But then she looked at the time on her phones screen; and it's already 6 am.

***It's time to get ready

***I don't want to be late for work

She slowly gets up from her bed then staggered to the shower with dizziness and grogginess.

She turned on a warm water tap, letting the warm water start her day anew as she leaned her head against the shower wall, and feeling exhausted.

***I don't want to be late and yet I don't want to go either

She heaved out a big sigh, closed her eyes while letting the water hits her head and flows down to her body; and so presumably be stayed in that position for awhile before taking a proper shower, her mind has drifted away with so many thoughts of her life.

After a while,

A warm shower really does makes her feel a lot better and fully awakes, likely just makes her came back to her senses.

She then hurriedly left the bathroom and pulled out some clothes from the wardrobe closet and get dressed.

But then she just stared blankly at herself while looking at the mirror; and once again lets out a big sigh as if there's some kind of heaviness feeling in her chest.

***Just hanging there….

***Ignore everything else and just do the job for now…

As she's growing up alone, she has never given so much attention to herself and so to her own appearances, therefore; she never realized how beautiful she is, with her unique cute attractiveness facial feature, her flawless glowing skin and her sakura pinkish thin lips.

Those stunning seductive cat eyes along with her ideal nose shape were always hidden behind that spectacle.

And that because of her beauty is completely covered by her insecurities along with her unattractive bob hair style and her senseless fashion appearances.

But then as she looked at herself once again in front of the mirror, she started to think that she looks so different from any other usual days.

***Are these outfits too much?

Honestly, that would be her first time ever wearing a black plaid tie neck top design blazer that she bought from an online seller few days ago for a very cheap price.

She also bought a white plain blouse to matched with her black wide leg plaid pant.

But she would never forget to wear her precious black round toe lace up chunky heel shoe; and that was her most favorite shoe as her mother bought it for her as a gift just a day before her graduation day.

However, there's also one more thing that she needs to be dealt with and literally not really looking forward to it as well, because it was also the day of submitting her report to Mr.Mirami; the head chief of department.

She couldn't help but feeling anxious just thinking about whether her report would get accepted or the other way around; as that will be her very first time doing it on her own references and way.

Before she was asked to write her own report; she was always working with her partner the fact that she did not really fancied her at all and so did her partner, Nakao as well.

Nakao is a person who's never wanted to get along with; even if they've being partnered for years and yet she was always did the job alone without even discussed it with her at all.

***We're actually not in a good term

Ever since her ex-partner got promoted as a senior staff which was the same level as her, they were now have been assigned to a different section and rarely seeing each other again even still under the same department.

Waiting for the unanticipated things to happen, the slower time seems to pass; waiting is surely torturing indeed.

She's standing still right in front of his front door but not entering just yet, she just blankly staring at his name plate instead. Probably preparing herself for what will happen.

TODAKE MIRAMI

(S & M Head of Department)

Like most people usually says to always knocking before entering the room even If the door is wide open; because that's a proper way to do in a good manners and that's actually part of a morality and discipline behavior.

(Knock….knock…knock)

"Come on in" a male voice from inside.

She took a slow deep breath and then slowly reached for a doorknob.

As she opened the door then there he was sitting down on his black leathery chair while wiping one of his samurai statues.

***He's absolutely a creepy weird guy

The moment he saw her, he stopped and put the towel aside, then slowly facing towards her direction as he carefully put down his statue.

He has round body shape, with stocky build that makes him looks so tight in that suit.

"This is the report from last month sales sir" she said as she put the report on his table just right in front of him; then moves backwards and just standing still in front of him

She let out a sigh quietly just waiting for his reviews.

Kuro Entertainment Company is actually one of the most well-known entertainment company in Tokyo, this company are probably having the most of famous super star and author that already been signed contract with the company.

Her department; Sales and Marketing Department are usually in charge on monthly financial income from selling varieties types of products for example DVD, Movie, song, MV's profits, celebrities' project's finance and etc.

...

Then suddenly,

"What's this"? He asked as he sees through her report every each one of the pages.

His eyebrows furrowed and frowning expression just appeared on his face.

***I am already getting used to that reaction as I've seen it almost every day.

For some reason Ara has always got the feeling that her boss would never likes her from the very first day she was being assigned to his department.

He was always tried to find something to carp about her.

Nevertheless, she never expects more from him to acknowledged her as well.

She stood still and just looked down to the floor as her both hand clutched tightly together behind her back.

"Please don't tell me this is your report" he sound's disbelief. Her heart beat suddenly pounding so hard after hearing that question.

But then she just remained silent, in fact she was actually thinking for an answer to his question but nothing has come up into her mind which was why she ended up with just a nodded.

He then laid his back against his black leathery chair and let out a long sigh of disappointment.

"Okay".

He then put the file down on his desk and just glared at her with that annoying looks on his face while his fingernails just repeatedly tapping down to his table and making an unpleasant sound noise.

***My gosh that's annoying

Furthermore, she never gotten used to see that long nail on his fingers; it just irritates her even more to see when he started to uses those fingers to scratched his head and then touched her report soon after that.

He just ridiculed her as she closed her eyes every time she saw it.

In fact she always feel a bit uncomfortable just being inside his office; because of his obsession of collecting Japanese figure statues made his office seems a bit stuffy and suffocating.

His office; a bit darker and gloomy kind of environment because the way he designed it and the combination of colors that he used really implying with such a dark and super unpleasant vibe.

"What happen to you?" he scowled.

"YOU!" he suddenly pointing at her.

"As a senior staff of the Marketing Department, how did you do your job?"

"You need to remember to always put our reputation as your first priority. We need to make sure that our clients would gave us as much positive feedback as possible"

"In order to improve our Department's reputation that is why we need to make sure that our clients will put their trusts on us"

"Please don't use your previous M&E knowlegde in here, it is not useful..."

"Just do whatever I ordered you to do even if you have to do everything as long as they will spend their money on us"

"And do you expect me to accept this crap?" he censured while tapping his finger on her report multiple times.

"You just messed it up you know that? How did you even got promoted when you don't even know how to do your job properly?" he then turns the pages of her report then stopped at certain pages as if he wants to show Ara something by saying.

"You didn't even reach your target market not even close enough; I can see you already losing your best clients, so how do you explain this?"

Though her report has been criticized as inaccurate and incomplete, and even got to hear those painful words from him but despite of that she still remained calm.

Her eyes are closed, keep her lips sealed from saying anything, the fact that her heart was actually screamed in pain as if pierced by a thorn from his hurtful words.

"I'm sorry sir"

"Look!, I know that you don't really want to be here as much as I don't want you to be here and I just hoping that you will get back to your old department but as long as you have been assigned into my department, just do as I ordered you to do"

"Do it again, and now I want you to see Nakao and ask her for help, do everything you can to regain their trust back on us and then redo this report"

"I want it on my desk by Monday, is that clear?. He ordered.

"You can go now". He gave her report back to her.

"Yes sir" she replied to him right away.

Her eyes quivering, looking down to the floor wants to avoid any eye contact with him, while he gets back to his seat and continued wiping his favorite statue.

He uses 'go away' hand gesture on Ara; telling her to get out from his office and she quietly followed his ordered with pleasure as she also doesn't want to be in his office any longer.

She did her very best to hold her anger, as she still have a little respect on him as her chief senior the fact that she was apparently in rage on the inside.

***I really wanna slap him on the face with this report but that's obviously only in my imagination, or else I can say good bye to my position and this company but I could not help it but to think about it.

She took the file and opened his office door and left his office immediately.

"Now one down, one more to go" she heaved out a sigh.

She walked quietly towards the very end of the hallway, and each one of her steps does feel heavier and slower by the time she took her step closer towards her office.

And finally stopped just right at the front of her front door.

Ara anxiously gazed at the door as she whispering out her name.

"Omaie Nakao"

She knew she would never being welcomed into her office.

She saw her door shut, by meaning it was pretty obvious that she doesn't really want any distraction from the outside.

***I dont want to see her either but I have no choice

However, In spite of them not liking each other; Ara still respect her as one of the best workers among them all and she also deserves to have some privacy and peaceful working environment and so if the door is closed, she should knock the door first before entering.

She hesitated a moment, and then knocked on the door.

[Knock…knock…knock]

She opened the door and walked in, then took a hesitant step closer towards her table.

Ara tried to say something at first , but she seemingly too busy to respond.

But since this is an order from her chief so she has got no choice but to follow his order.

"Nakao-san, I need your help" Ara muffled.

She just silently stared at Nakao for almost 3 minutes but she never got any response from her neither even to look at her as if she was invincible.

***She's ignoring me again

"Hmmm…nakao-san I…" but then suddenly Nakao cut her off by saying "Don't you see I'm busy?".

"I know, but Mr. Mirami wants me to see you and ask for your help" explained Ara even knowingly that she will still going to be ignored.

"Can't you see I'm busy right now?", she looks super annoyed even just by her presents.

"But..Mr.Mirami wants…." Then again she cuts her off and saying "Just tell him I'm busy" and now her voice rises up as if she yelled at her.

"Okay…" Ara finally gave up.

She rolled her eyes at Ara's words; and grunted.

She know Nakao has always being sarcastically rejected her whenever she asked her for help.

The fact that, Ara actually didn't want to ask everybody for help either but in this field industry she need to do that in order to get the job done.

That's why the word teamwork exists.

But when it comes to Nakao; she never wanted to get along not even a slightest bit with Ara, for how much she tried to convinced or talked to her; Ara has always ended up given up on her.

But before she left, there are two other persons just passing by her and hurriedly approaching Nakao's table; and they have never greeted Ara or showed her some respect not even once.

They are none other than Murano and Tora, they're Nakao's best friends.

They were always being seen together wherever or whenever they went to, they have also given a nickname by the other staffs as Charlie angels.

"What's going on Nakao-san, what does she want this time?" Tora asked while seating at the corner of nakao's table.

"You know her; I mean how can she doesn't know how to make a report, that's the easiest job to do; besides she's been here longer than us"

"What's wrong with her?" She mumbled as she rolled her eyes.

"Ugh! She's so annoying" Nakao said while her eyes still focused on the computer screen as her fingers still typing.

"I don't know maybe she's just pretending not to know so that she could ask you to do it for her" Tora scoffed.

"Or maybe she really is that stupid" she continued.

There's a silent moment as they just quietly looking at each other before they began to laughed.

"Lower your voice, or she will hear you" Murano whispered.

"Well she really does looks like one." They giggled while glancing at Ara at the same time.

"Yeah..." said Tora .

Obviously, Ara heard that, and she decides to just ignore it.

She knew that she needs to bear this humiliation in order for her to survive and stayed at the company.

Even if its too hard, she needs to act like nothing happened, but deep inside, she was crying, screaming, devastated, angered, and broken hearted.

Nakao is literally her junior, Ara has been working at Kuro Entertainment Company for almost 5 years now and it was 2 years earlier than Nakao.

She was doing just fine before that, even if something did happened during that time; she'd still managed to do her job peacefully and calm but everything changed right after they have met a year ago.

**************************************************

She felt aggrieved because of the way in which she has been treated and yet she has no choice but to get back to Mr. Mirami's office.

With heavy heart she knocked the door and slowly opened it and then entered. She's so upset and frustrated when she saw a smirk on his face and it looks like he was waiting for her to come.

She realized that he's actually insinuating her by saying "She said no right?"

"I'm sorry sir" she just apologized.

She always apologized to everything the fact that she doesn't even really know herself; why does she has to apologizing for everything she did, although she didn't do anything wrong but always ended up being scolded for no reason and she just couldn't say anything else except for apologized.

Sometimes she did feels guilty for her wrongdoings; there's a time when she just being too lazy to go to work and didn't even finish her job on time, and all of these happened was just because she didn't likes her job.

***I know I did not really doing my best to it.

"Well, it's obviously she would say that "he scoffed. She cannot believe herself that she could held herself to see that annoying face every single day.

"So? What are you gonna do then?" Murami asked.

"You have been working here for years hayane-san why can't you even do the easiest job?"

"What have you been doing all this time?" he keeps asking her that question over and over again.

"Just do it on your own, then put it on my desk on Monday, is that clear?" he said.

"Yes, Sir" she instantly replied.

She somehow feels so humiliated after being treated like she was the dumbest person in this world.

She does know how to write a report; but it just that she needs help from someone to guide her and tell her what she's suppose to do or not suppose to do.

Besides working in a different field does have a different process of writing a report as well.

During her first month working at Marketing department she was struggled and lonely.

She doesn't even know how to deal with clients in proper ways, because she was all alone and helpless even though she had partner at that time but it was completely worthless .

Initially, she's just a temporary employee in Marketing department, an actual fact Ara was originally from Media and Entertainment Department.

She's been assigned to that department for almost two and a half years, just after one of the senior staff from marketing department had passed away.

She was then transferred as a temporary staff in there since they need someone to fill in the position and told her to works in there only for a few months and wait until being call or being informed.

But few years has passed without even receiving any call or letter from HQ and as time goes by she just became a permanent staff in there.

And the reason why she never determined to being part of the team is because she was never being welcomed in there; they never liked her or considered her as a senior because she was not supposed to be in that department in the first place.

Over a period of time, even she was all alone, she then started to learn some basic skill about marketing; Self taught.

She did tried to asked a few staffs in there for help and teaches her but sadly, some of them just ignored her and hated her for some reasons.

She knows that they will never stop hating her or accusing her for something not until she got kicks out or resigning herself.

They never respect her as their senior staff.

It happened for the past few months right after nakao has came in, and it simply became a lot worse since then.

There have been rumors about the reason why she was being transferred to S & M department and even got the higher position than any other permanent staffs in there because she had an affair with the upper position in the company.

And sometimes someone just randomly asked her with some nasty questions like, does she ever bribed someone from the upper position just to being in her current position right now?

***I mean what have I done just to get treated like this?

***The cruelty verbal abused that I'm going through was too much for me to bear it alone.

***Some of them just want me to ignore it and it will all goes away along with the time.

***And yes, I did it as they told me to.

After a while, Ara began to ignore the rumors and just let it be but that was exactly the time when all the staffs started to believe in it and began to avoid her.

There was even one time she got called from the Headquarters asking her a questions regarding all about the rumors that have been spreading all over the Company.

From time to time, all of those things that happened to her really did affecting her way of life and her career. Because of it, she has become so quiet and feels discouraged to do her job.

She always feels these heaviness and suffocated feeling every time she was in the office moreover she also got no friends beside her, her work life has no fun at all whatsoever.

***Yes; I hate going to work.

***I've always been hurts every time I go to work

Sometimes it made her wondered and even questioning herself.

***Is it okay if I just give up this position?

***Are this feeling of humiliation and pain will ever disappear?

***Or if I hold onto this miserable work life every single day am I going to get back into my previous position in M&E Department?

***Or is it worth it if I keep working in there being hated and ignored?

All of those questions have always been trapped inside her mind and yet she cannot escape it and that left her with no choice but to comes and keep working there for the sake of her life and her dream.

All her life, she has always been dreaming to work at media and entertainment department.

That is because she loves to write; and really wants to publish at least one book or script once in her life and not only that; it is because she was a graduate student specializing with journalist and media specialist.

So for her being accepted at Kuro Company could have been the only opportunity for her to give her best and chance to chase her dream.