Florida Man Claims He Deciphers Cat Language   

Chapter 13 – Florida Man Claims He Deciphers Cat Language

Wu Buyi collected the grasses and trash bin into his spatial ring. Then, he flew away.

After the alchemist had left, Leo giggled as he managed to get 500 years richer. He rushed to the cabin and upgrade five slide-door refrigerator chests. He transferred the regular wolf meat into one of them and stored the mutated one in another.

The meat storage issue was resolved. Most freezers were now functional, and Leo could start displaying his goodies in the display fridges.

Leo couldn't stop smiling. He danced his way out of the store and returned to the butcher site. However, when Leo got outside, he saw something disturbing.

A walking chomper plant was eating one of the wolves.

"Cat" was here.

As soon as Cat noticed Leo's presence, it turned around to greet him.

"Meow!"

Leo frowned at it since it was eating his food, "Yo, you silly cat. That's my food though."

"HISS!"

"…"

The chomper hissed as it protested. It continued chewing the wolf, savoring the taste of fresh blood.

Leo gazed at the plant and measured its size with his eyes. Its head was about one meter tall and the length was about the same. It barely managed to eat the dire wolf whole, and it struggled to chew the hard bones as its teeth were still too soft.

Seeing how it struggled, Leo offered it a deal.

"Look. I know you're hungry, but you're not supposed to steal unprocessed food. If you let me process it for you, I'll give you the blood and the soft innards, okay?"

"Meow?"

Unable to understand Cat, Leo tried to use the shop domain function if it could translate the meowing language.

DING

.

Name: Cat

Age: 0

Remaining Lifespan: 700 Years

.

The system displayed Cat's lifespan, and Leo almost coughed blood, envious of the monster.

"What the hell?! How is your lifespan so long?! Oh, wait. He's a plant, of course."

Leo suddenly had a sick idea. He wondered if he could extract Cat's lifespan, so he tried to steal it.

DING

<Shop Domain requires the customer's consent before you can extract the customer's lifespan.>

"Tsk."

He failed. Unless Cat allowed Leo to take his lifespan, he couldn't steal it.

Thus, Leo tried to scam it.

"Hey, kitty cat. Look here."

Leo walked toward one of the wolf cages. He dragged the dog out and grabbed it with his bare hand, causing the dire wolf to swell. It stopped moving, and its soul was Isekaied to the afterworld.

While Cat was busy with the regular wolf, Leo hung the wolf upside down and slit its throat, draining its blood. He also cut its stomach and harvested the internal organs.

Looking at the black heart of the wolf, Leo pursed his lips, wondering why Wu Buyi overreacted because of these unusable parts.

'Come to think of it, what was his job again? He introduced himself as… what? Chemist? No, this is a Wuxia world. Chemists don't exist. What was the term again?'

A long time passed since Leo last read a novel or watched movies. He tried hard to recall the word. Leo had a feeling that he almost got it, but it got stuck at the back of his head.

Unable to recall the word, Leo deeply sighed. He allocated the intestines to a new bucket, but he kept the fresh heart and liver in another container. Then, he showed Cat the container with the intestines.

"Kitty, those are too hard to chew. How about something softer? Oh, it won't be free, of course. I'll need to take some of your lifespans in exchange."

"Meow?"

Cat stopped trying to chew a whole wolf. It sniffed and crawled toward the bucket of blood and innards. As soon as one of its roots touched the content, it spat the wolf out and chowed the intestines instead.

Leo shook his head. He walked toward the half-eaten wolf and spat on it.

A few seconds later, the corpse mutated and turned black. Although disgusting, Leo chopped it into smaller pieces for Cat to eat.

Cat finished the bucket of blood and intestine in seconds. It turned around to the half-eaten wolf and discovered the pleasant smell of salty and fishy meat.

"MEOW!"

It hummed and shoved the cut pieces into its mouth. Like a glutton cat, it meowed while it chewed the precious food.

Not having anything else to do, Leo observed the man-eating plant. He wondered if this guy was worth raising as a lifespan farm.

DING

While staring at Cat, the creature's status changed.

.

Name: Cat

Age: 0

Remaining Lifespan: 2,300 Years

.

"What in the hell?"

Cat's lifespan sharply increased. Leo widened his eyes in astonishment.

*BURP*

Cat let out some gas and smiled in satisfaction. It then turned to the hanging carcass of another mutated wolf and licked its lips. Then, it crawled toward it, hoping to get more meat.

However, Leo stood in front of it. He crossed his arms.

"Kitty, you haven't paid me for the meal. You need to pay up."

"Meow?" It tilted its head. It touched its lips with a big purple leaf.

"What do you mean by paying? Of course, your lifespan. You need to transfer some of your lifespans to me in exchange for the food. If you don't give me lifespan, I can't keep feeding you."

"Meow, meow? Meow!"

The chomper suddenly smiled. Then, Leo received a message.

<Your lifespan has increased by 2,300 years!>

"OH… HOLD ON A SECOND!! That's too much!"

Instead of being overjoyed, Leo instantly noticed the problem - Cat just gave him all of its lifespans!

The plant rapidly withered. Cat looked exhausted, and its movement speed was as slow as a sloth.

"Meow…"

Not allowing Cat to die, Leo grabbed the heart and liver in another bucket. He fed the liver to the plant. He also squeezed the heart like a lemon to give the chomper some more blood.

DING

.

Name: Cat

Age: 0

Remaining Lifespan: 200 Years

.

Cat's roots, leaves, and vines regained their luster. It swallowed the liver and blood as if it had never eaten anything for days.

The plant let out a long sigh of relief. It wearily purred and nudged its head against Leo's stomach.

"You dumb cat. I want your lifespan, but you don't have to give me everything! Well, since you already gave me a lot, I'll keep feeding you. You don't have to give me anything anymore."

"Meow?"

"Yes, I'm adopting you. You're my cat now."

"Meow!" Cat licked Leo's face.

At that moment, Leo realized something horrible. Once again, Cat innocently made a huge mistake.

Leo's skin was radioactive and poisonous. Touching him meant instant death or rapid mutation!

'Did it just touch me? Oh, crap! NOOO!! It's going to mutate and die, dammit!''

Leo held in his head in panic and despair.

If Cat ran out of lifespan, Leo could simply replenish it by feeding it the mutated wolf's blood, meat, or organs. However, he was helpless when it came to mutation.

Leo shut his eyes in regret, not wanting to witness the torturous moment of his first pet in 50,000 years.

A minute later, Leo sensed a nudge at the back of his head. A soft head of a plant bonked him.

"Meow!"

"…"

"Meow, Meow!"

"Huh?"

Leo turned around in shock. Then, he found the chomper plant, which looked the same as he remembered him.

'He is unaffected?'

Leo's trembling hand reached for Cat's head. He gently touched it and slowly stroked it. Surprisingly, the chomper purred.

"…"

No mutation occurred. The chomper plant remained the same.

"You, you're not affected by my radiation?"

"Meow?"

"What is radiation? Dammit, it's poisonous air. If you touch me, the radiation poisoning will change your DNA structure and disable your healing abilities! Some of your cells will riot and try to French-Revolution you from the inside. In short, all nutrition you have in your blood cells will nourish cancer cells and mutated DNA, turning you into a disfigured monster!"

"Meow, meow?"

"HOW DID I KNOW?! Listen here, you little shit. You're looking at the lottery winner from the Fallout world. My DNA structure got reconstructed seven freaking times. I freaking died and came back to life seven times, okay? Let's not make you repeat the torture I went through."

"Meow, meow-meow?"

The chomper plant licked Leo's face and nudged its head against his. The latter stopped talking and facepalmed.

"You're right. I'm an idiot. You're immune to my radiation now because you evolved… DAMMIT, how did I understand your freaking language even though every word sounds the same?!"

"Meow <3"

Leo covered his face and squatted. He felt like he was about to become crazy. Since the plant was immune to his touch, he patted Cat and deeply sighed.

"Oh, well. Whatever. Do you still need to eat more?"

"Nom-Nom Meow <3"

"…"

.

.

After the hectic incident, Leo dug the soil next to his store and allowed Cat to plant its roots there. The chomper happily enjoyed the nutrition in the mutated soil that Leo often stepped on.

In the end, Leo mutated another wolf and donated the innards to the plant, but he kept the heart and liver for emergencies. Its lifespan increased to 1,500 years. As for two mutated wolves' meat, Leo chopped them into small cuts and chilled them in the freezer chest. He also upgraded the three remaining freezers to make them active.

With over 2100 years of lifespan in his account balance, Leo started planning to upgrade his shop further. He touched one of the supermarket refrigerators to check if he could upgrade it again.

DING

<Unable to upgrade. Require Humble General Store Level 3.>

<Please upgrade the Humble General Store to Level 3.>

"…"

This was the first time Leo heard about this condition. Confused and interested, Leo lightly touched the wall of his store, wondering if he could upgrade it.

DING

<Will you upgrade the Humble General Store to Level 2?>

<Upgrading requires 1,000 years of lifespan.>

Leo stared at the messages for several minutes due to the utter shock. Then, he yelled.

"Damn expensive! It's just level freaking two! What about level 3? How much does it cost?"

No answer came from the system. Once again, it left him in the dark.

Leo was not an idiot. If the level two upgrade required 1,000 years of lifespan, the level 3 upgrade might cost him 2,000 to 3,000 years, depending on the system's cheapskate algorithm.

Leo postponed the store upgrade for now as it wasn't necessary at the moment. He walked out of the building and looked at the three healthy wolves in the cages. He widely grinned.

"Stay there obediently, and I'll butcher you tomorrow."

The wolves barked at Leo as if they understood his intention. They tried to break the cage, but they ended up hurting themselves.

Leo ignored the wolves and proceeded to the area behind his store. It was an empty plot with a few tall pine trees and bushes. However, because Leo used to walk around here with bare feet to uproot the grasses, the soil was dark. Some parts emitted green smoke as if some chemical substances had been buried there.

Although Leo could manually plow this area and turn it into a radioactive vegetable garden, he had another idea of what he could do to this place. He started counting his steps.

"3…4…5… Ah, crap. These stupid trees are on the way. I want another 10 x 10 blocks as a backyard farm."

Leo hugged the pine trees that stood in the way of his future farm plot.

CREAK

Like the Hulk, Leo uprooted the massive tree by pulling it off the ground. Then, he tossed it to the side and patted his hands as if it was an easy task.

Cat witnessed everything from start to finish. It shivered in fear, imagining itself being uprooted by Leo.

"Meow!"

Like a scardy cat, it came out of the ground and climbed the store. Then, it sat on the rooftop, warily staring at Leo.

After bringing down an entire pine tree, Leo moved to another one, using his bare hands without any protection. The blue tree turned black and was pulled out from the ground one after another.

When Leo finished his job, he got seven mature pine logs lining up in his backyard.

"If this is a resource-gathering game, I might need to chop these logs into lumber. But since they are mutated, are the leaves and nuts edible?"

Leo proceeded to collect black pine leaves and nuts. He wondered if he could sell these things to Wu Buyi or his friends again.

'Come to think of it, I might need to interrogate that last guy. What the hell is he going to use the innards for? Chemistry? No, what was it again?'

Leo scratched his head. While he was in deep thought, he saw a mosquito fly by. Because of his reflex, he clapped it without looking.

'Clap? Hand claps? Clapping hands… Full Metal Alchemist? AH! ALCHEMIST!'

Finally, Leo remembered Wu Buyi's occupation. He smacked his forehead.

'Right! Alchemists! Those Chinese martial arts novels are crazy about those alchemists. They can turn every little thing into pills and medicines… wait. Pills and meds? Drugs?'

Leo narrowed his eyes. He began to grasp why Han Meng and Wu Buyi were crazy about the black grasses.

'Alchemy, is it? Wait, isn't there something similar in the system shop?'

Leo opened the shopping menu and switched the tap to [Shop Domain System], where he had purchased the cabin from. He rechecked the list of buildable structures.

One of them was an alchemist workshop.

"Hohoh?"

.

Basic Alchemist Workshop

Requirement – Humble General Store Level 2

Price – 1,000 Years of Lifespan

Space – 10 x 10