Chapter 4

59 Seconds

It's 11:59

And 59 seconds

And in just 1 your life will change

A new day a new dawn

A new life as a pawn

In the game of chess that the universe plays

At midnight on the dot

Your life will change completely

You will no longer be yourself

But when the clock chimes 12 times

You will change forever

Your life will end

And start again

And continue through the time

Day after day

12:01 to 11:59

You will live your life

Then start again as someone else

So when you die

At 11:59 and 59 seconds

Reflect on the day you have left behind

Her Floral Dress Tail

She walks down the street

With her floral dress tail trailing behind

Not a care in the world

Not a care in her mind

She walks through the hours

Just passing the time

As her floral dress tail

Is trailing behind

It's muddy and dirty

And torn and tattered

But in her state of ignorant innocence

That didn't matter

So she walked and she walked

And she sashayed and skipped

And she wordlessly stood up

With every time she tripped

She had blisters and bruises and scraped both knees

But she felt none of that

When she walked in the breeze

Someone Else

Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down around you

Or like a tsunami is coming ashore

Or that nothing matters and life is a bore

Do you ever wish you were dead

Or living as someone else

With more tread in the shoes that they walk in

Snake Ring

My snake ring lays flat against my finger

Wrapped around and laying still

It only gets mad when I move too much

Or do something against its will

Laughing Stock

When you overhear others judging something

Or laughing

Do you wonder if they're judging you?

It feels like you're constantly being watched

By the eyes of those

Who turn a rose into a wilting stem

It feels as if you are hated and ridiculed

By those you don't even know

For something you can't control

The Thief's Ending Tale

Slip through the darkness

Slide through the cracks

The best kind of thief

Leaves no footprints or tracks

Their home is the silence

Their joy is the hunt

The cops always chase

But they know where to run

Never get caught

Never back down

The law is the kingdom

Success is the crown

The money is worthless

The fame is the feat

Friends disappoint them

Unless they're of use

They cut off and ignore them

Disregard all boring

Follow the fun

On the edge of the cliff

When there's nowhere to run

Leap to the sunset

Fly in the wind

Once it comes to an end

A new day will begin

That first second after you fall and scrape your knee.

That first second when you scrape your knee,

The world just seems to stop,

Not sad nor happy nor fallen down,

It's everything and not.

How if a tunnel of light came at you,

Like a torrent of thoughts and mind,

In that one split second after,

Everything feels perfectly fine.

Like the skin was never broken,

As though the ground was never rough,

Like you'd never even fallen,

That one second is just

Like you're overwhelmed and underwhelmed,

Both at the same time,

Like a mix between heaven and hell,

A gray area or a blurred line.

The Moments Alone

We met in August

Or maybe September

After all the tears

It's hard to remember

After a year

You decided I wasn't enough

You made that choice for me

You decided like a child that I, and the most personal parts of myself and my mind that you toyed with were broken

Like a toy with a broken part

And threw me out with the trash

Leaving me with a broken heart

Then, after all I want through to get you back

You discarded me again

How many times will I cry over you

Until I realize that the feeling of unworthiness is trying to keep me in check

Telling me that I need to give up

But after all I've done

And all I've felt

I'm not sure it will be that easy

For you are sick when you look on me

And I am sick when I look not on you

You left me with a hole to fill

But I do not know how to do that

So I search and I search

For hours and hours

But when I find nothing

I shy away to my room like a coward

All these moments alone that you left me with

Will never go away

I Love Thee

"I love thee."

Those words slipped unbidden from my mouth

Though I mean them with all my heart

In my destiny awaits you

But over the time I hope to keep

You slip away

Away from my unfirm grasp

Away from the burdens of my past

You living diary you

How I swoon when you are near

But when you slip completely from my grasp

In death your face takes on the innocent beauty of the past

This Too

This too shall pass

This too shall pass

This too shall pass

And now at last

The smoke has dissipated

Lost

I am broken

I am lost

I am gone

I am stone

I sit in one place

In a spot near a lake

In the sun

With the deers

And my cracks

In my mind

And once more I shall find

In these woods

Where I lie

I shall go insane

And live in swirls

Until I die

I am broken

I am lost

Nowhere

Do you ever just dead inside

So weighed down but so free

Nothing left to hide

Nothing left to see

And nothing left to hear

When there is nothing left for me

Do you ever feel weighed down by the world

So weightless and free

With your cement coated wings holding you back

When there's nowhere left to be

Bug Boy

Tattoos on my fingers

And bugs in my skin

People crawling all around me

jeering, joking

Drinking, smoking

Making the pain go away in any way we can find

But away we go to a new fresh start

Lost in the art of disappearing into the wind

And the song and dance

In the rain in a long, tattered dress

Ripped to shreds by the long claws of death

By the ocean and death by the sea

Death with a lover, a friend, and death with me

Me oh my

The sky is so red

As if all the blood spilt has just gone to my head

And I'm seeing things

Imagining colors

And shapes

To make and create

The tattoos on my fingers

And bugs in my skin

And the smells and the sights

And the sounds to take in

Into the earth and into the sky

Do you drown in the dirt

Or fly in the wind off we go

With a pretty red bow wrapped around the earth

But it's pulling too tight

And it's splitting and cracking

Me oh my what a sight

To behold

To have and to hold until death do us part

You may now kiss the bride and wait for the marriage to end

Of an era and end of the start

One mind

One body

But two separate hearts

On my sleeve

I don't wear it with pride

I sulk and sashay in shame and discouragement

And envy too

Many things going on in this world and too many words to connect

So goodnight and goodbye

As it comes to an end

Blood and Gold

The blood in they water is thicker than gold

And runs just as heavy

It courses through the beautiful

And poisons those who aren't by turning itself to lead as punishment for not being enough for others

For never being enough for others

Because the rules of society state, bullet point by bullet point,

Number 1, you must be perfect or you will be shunned

Number 2, you must be skinny or you will be shunned

Number 3, you must be smart or you will be shunned

And number 4, you must always follow these rules

For if you don't the gold will turn to lead

And the shining will turn sunken

Until the day you die and start rotting underground

Beneath the trees

Beneath the flowers

Beneath the grass

Beneath the dirt

Hour by hour

We hurt and we hurt

Until the mind numbing pain

Turns us blank

And we live life by walking through the gold flowered field

Of poisonous lead hiding in the pollen

Of the flowers

Of the pain

And of the dirt

And of the hours

Of all the hurt

And all the lies

And the rules

And all the flies

Swarming the rotting rot

Underneath the soil

And without a care in the world

Through the field will eventually come a child

Who runs past the grave chasing blood red butterflies of gold

Then the child turns a kid

And the kid turns a teen

And the teen becomes subjected to the rules

Of blood and gold

And she tries her best to keep her perfect body and keep the thought of her days in Sketchers and pigtails out of her head

Because no one wants to date a loser whose inner child runs amok

Says every beautiful person to those people

Who just want to live without having to give their souls to their life of imperfection

Because we don't get to decide if the gold in our blood is good enough when it's decided for us

Rabbit Hole

Spinning, twirling round and round

Dancing round the truth through town

Past the barber, past the grocery store

Past the mall, and past the little hole in the wall that everyone loves

Round and round around the truth

We lie and lie in wait of those who don't

To puncture them with our forked, snakelike tongues of misdeed

Of greed and lies

We lie in wait in the dark of the night

Ready to poison the next passerby

With yet another combination of a smile and a lie

Because why

Why tell the truth when dishonesty calls

Why do that when we can fall down a rabbit hole

And spin ourselves in a web of lies that cannot be undone

Build relationships on top of a pile of crumbing numbness

I'm done

I'm done with the lies

I'm done with the trying

I'm done with it all

So when I give in and fall down the rabbit hole

Do not try to save me

Because soon underground I will lie in wait

To lie to my friends

And die in the end of it all

With my double face and forked, snakelike tongue of lies

Eyelash

Flittering, fluttering eyelashes

Sit still upon a lash line

Batting at the slightest hint of seduction

Upon those hazel eyes sits a tool of mass destruction

For one bat could bring down an army of men and women with their beauty

Smother

Away we go

Onwards we trek

Away from it all

Away from the hell from whence we came

We walk for hours

Amongst the flowers

Of blue and green

Yes you and me

We walk and talk and gawk at the clouds in the sky

The horrible, thundering clouds in the sky

Me oh my

The rain begins to pour down

Upon our heads and upon the ground

And the colorful flowers grow smotheringly big

And choke us in pollen and beauty

Together we die and we rot on the ground

And our bones become covered in flowers

And years later the spot becomes a town

Where whenever it rains

The sirens will sound

And the flowers will grow

Grow up from the ground

And choke out every last being who couldn't leave the town

Then a new town appears on the graves

Called the glades

And the flowers no longer grow tall

When it rains

And the pain of losing it all ceases

And the people grow smug

So one day when it rains the flowers will once again grow tall and break through the walls

Fo the houses and stores

And the stories of these flowers told to children will all come true

With a crash

And a shattered

And leave the town battered

Amongst the fields

Of blue and green flowers

Doll Bones

Based on the book Doll Bones by Holly Black

Doll bones

Doll bones

Safe and sound

Sleeping on the dirty ground

Through the first through the woods

Ashes to ashes

Broken toys

Eyes that follow your every move

It moves when you're sleeping and when you look not

At the doll

Full of ashes and bones

In a glass case in your home

To a grave

Oh Eleanor

Oh Eleanor dear

End of the World

One more day

One more minute

Until the end of the world

Hours tick by

And a girl

She sits on the edge of a cliff

With her feet hanging off of the edge

She just sits

And she sits

Away from it all

Watching the world burn in front of her

And just as she's about to fall

A hand reaches out

It's her good friend death

And it reaches out it's bony hands to catch her

To save her

And carries her down to the bottom of the fall

Where together they lay

Enjoying the glow of the fire

Not the sun

For the moon is out now

It's the dark of the day

It's the end of an era

The end of the way

She walked in the world

Timid

And frightened

With her purple dyed curls

That floated in the wind

And her smooth, beautiful skin

She now lays on the ground

All covered in ash

With a gash on her cheek

Home at last

Willow Tree

Promises broken

And promises kept

Tears held inside

And tears wept to the sky

And tears wept to the clouds

Shrouded in darkness

With a small silver lining

Not one person can see

You and me

We weep together

Under a willow tree

Blood and fire

Swirl through the streams

And their dreams and the chances of promises

Kept and promises broken