Chapter 9

Howard

The game was winding down. We were all running around the field, and some of the guys were shouting. I could barely hear them, since I was mostly moving by instinct now. The wind whistled past my ears, almost drowning out the loud sound of my breathing. My heart pumped fast and sweat slid down my temples.

When the game was called to an end, I almost dropped to my knees in exhaustion. I winced, pulling off my helmet and wiping my forearm over my face to wipe away the sweat.

"Hey, Howard! You okay over there?"

The closest guy to me was standing still, looking toward me, while the rest of them were heading off the field. I waved a hand at him, catching my breath for a few seconds before I started walking back myself.

"I'm fine," I muttered, passing by him with a pat to his back. "Just a bit of a workout."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you could say that, huh?"

Other guys were jogging off, but it was all I could do to get my legs to keep moving. I stopped to have some of the water set out for us before heading inside. I wasn't the only guy who'd paused to drink, so I had to wait for a minute. The water was so cool on my heated skin, I had to remind myself not to drink too quickly and choke myself.

My first week of practicing with the team was over with this. I was glad this was the afternoon practice or I'd have to wait around before I could relax.

I was calmer as I followed everyone else inside.

"Man, I'm exhausted," Calvin, walking up beside me said with a groan. "My muscles haven't ached like this in a long time. We really went out today."

I chuckled. "Well, we did, but you're probably that tired because we had to do most of the work today. Honestly, if it was just running I'd be good, but this was tough. Still, it was a good practice."

"Definitely." Brad had come up behind me and I felt him slap my shoulder. "It hasn't been that long yet, but I think we're already starting to improve. We got kicked out early last year, but with you, I think we can last a bit longer this season. Isn't that right, captain?"

"Having a good running back is really important," Grady said. "Especially one that's as fast as you. I think you could give us an edge, but let's not start dreaming just yet. If the game was that easy, every team would win just by having a bunch of good players."

No game was that simple. If that was all it took, then there would be no losing teams. This was just the first week, after all. We had plenty of time to keep practicing and making the team stronger, better. We'd see how far the team got when we started the season, but until then, I was going to give the team my all. As far as I knew, Ben had started coming up with strategies, but we hadn't used any in practice yet.

Everyone had just come off the field, but they were livelier than expected. They were talking loudly, voices bouncing against the walls in the narrow wall. My former team wasn't much different, and I had kind of missed being around a team. It felt nice. I just couldn't be happy about it right then.

I just want to go home for now.

More than physically, I felt mentally exhausted.

We were all piling into the locker room to get showered and changed. We'd started the afternoon practice a bit late, so it was starting to get cold and it would be going dark soon. After today's workout, and the meager lunch I managed to swallow down, I was so hungry I could feel my stomach rumbling in protest.

Some of the other guys usually hung out after practice, not every day, but they'd been asking since the first practice and I'd said no every time. The first time, I was lucky I'd said no because I got to see Zoe in the parking lot, but ever since, I just went home alone. In a normal situation, I wouldn't have minded hanging out with the guys, but my mood was just terrible.

Though it hadn't been that long, I was already close with most of the members of the team. We were a bunch of guys that enjoyed the same sport, there was no reason for animosity within the team, so we got along really well, but I knew if they dragged me away to hang out together after practice, I'd just bring down the excitement with the way I was.

After getting out of the showers and getting dressed, I was prepared to leave when Grady spoke up.

"We should go out and celebrate, after finishing our first week of practice. Hey, we can have this be the welcome celebration for the newbie, too. We were going to do it before, but we didn't get to."

Yeah, because Ben kicked me out before I properly met the guys on the team. But, like Zoe, they looked up my reputation and tried to get me to keep trying to join the team anyway because I could fill the one position they needed filled. Of course, by that point, I didn't need them trying to talk me into it, I did so gladly.

I wasn't really feeling up for celebrating, though. I wouldn't mind if we waited until we started playing official games. Everything else was going pretty well, but I was missing Zoe like crazy, and celebrating was the last thing in my mind. Everyone looked really excited about it, though, and since as the new guy this was technically for me, I had to go.

"You're coming, aren't you?" Calvin said, slinging an arm over my shoulder.

I smiled and tried to make it convincing. "Sure. Like I'd miss it."

Of course, by celebrate, they meant drinking, so we headed out to a club. Since I got back, I hadn't gone to any club or bars, since I could drink just fine at home, and I'd been limiting myself not to drink at all so I wouldn't fall back on my bad habits while I didn't have anything to do.

"I hope you guys brought your wallets," Grady said. "Everyone but Howard is pitching in for the pay."

There were calls of mock disappointment from the group, but everyone was smiling. We walked into the club and ended up in the VIP area. It was obvious they had all had been here quite a few times before because a lot of the staff knew them, some even greeted Grady and some of the other guys by name. We found a bunch of seats arranged in a group with enough room to fit all of us.

"All right! Everybody, get settled down. Say what you want before the waitress gets here."

"Just order beer, and get plenty of it! Does anyone want anything else?"

"Hey, I want some chips! Can't drink on an empty stomach."

Grady ignored the rest of the guys shouting out what they wanted and turned to me.

"What about you? Anything you want?"

"Just beer is fine, though chips do sound nice. They don't serve food here, do they?"

"Nope, no food. We can go eat after we drink."

I wanted to come out with some common sense that it would be better if we ate before drinking, so the food could soak up the alcohol. If everyone got piss drunk, they might not even think of eating later, but I didn't want to wake up tomorrow on my day off hungover.

Instead, though, I went along with the atmosphere. I'd blown them off before and doing this every once in a while wasn't bad. Everyone was finished listing everything by the time a waitress appeared. Grady gave her the orders, and she walked away. The others chatted lightly among themselves, and I was even pulled into a few conversations.

Because I'd been on several teams before, I knew how to act as if I was having the time of my life even when I wasn't feeling it. The waitress came back with a few bowls of chips and some beer. It wasn't nearly enough for everyone. Then, I almost dropped my jaw in surprise when other waiters and waitresses came back with the rest of the beer.

No wonder they'd have to pitch in to pay. If one person paid for all of this...

No one else was as surprised, so this was clearly not out of the norm, either. I wondered how many extra bottles they'd added for me.

"Drink up, kid," Grady said, handing me a beer.

"Isn't all of this a bit much?" I couldn't help asking. There was enough on the table for everyone to take three bottles and there'd probably be more leftover. While it wasn't the expensive stuff, it wasn't really cheap beer, either.

Well, not as if I wasn't tempted to have a good drink, I just wouldn't allow myself to do it while I was alone for safety reasons.

"Nah, it's all fine. It'll be two whole days before our next practice, so everyone can get drunk and have some time to recover. We don't do this all the time, it's just special circumstances. Besides, there's a rule in this team."

"What rule?"

"Two weeks before the season starts, up until our last game, we're not allowed to drink, at all. It's one of coach's rules. He's not going to spy on us to make sure we aren't breaking the rule, but he will get mad if he finds you breaking the rule before the last game of the season."

"I don't plan on breaking it," I muttered.

I didn't doubt if he caught me, he'd used it as an excuse against me. The only rule Ben set that I had every intention of breaking was to let go of Zoe. It had only been a week, and the team didn't meet up every day for practice, either, we had days off in the week, so I didn't see her every day, but it was still unbearable.

The first day, she'd at least looked for me afterwards. I couldn't help thinking back to that time in my car, how beautiful and sexy Zoe had looked. Fuck. I should have made her ride me, then I'd really have something nice to remember. I was going to be thinking back to that time a lot, because Zoe was going along with what I wanted, even though she kind of resented me now.

She was avoiding me. No picking up my calls, no responding to my texts. I'd hoped we could at least meet up away from work, but I thought this was a kind of punishment, and I couldn't exactly blame her, because I'd started it.

Fuck, it might have been a good idea to talk to her before we came to this. I even had the perfect opportunity when I spent the weekend at her house, and I'd tried to bring it up several times, but each time it was like the words froze in my throat, and I left on Monday morning without saying anything.

I didn't blame her for being angry. I'd asked her to go along with the plan, but I couldn't help regretting it, because it could be weeks before she would talk to me again.

A drink might actually do me some good right now.

I grabbed a bowl of chips for myself, crunched on a few chips and sipped my beer. I hadn't eaten since lunch, so I had to be careful not to drink too much on an empty stomach, or I'd regret it in the morning. I'd done it enough times in the past to know I wouldn't like it.

In the end, I still had one too many drinks. By the time we broke off the party after a few extra orders of beer, it was dark out. I couldn't take a risk driving, just as well since I'd grabbed a ride with one of the guys. The ones who brought their cars had to leave them there. Some of the guys stayed behind, while those of us leaving headed outside to grab a taxi and headed home. As I'd guessed, no one was up to looking for something to eat after drinking so much. I planned to get home, drink a lot of water, and then fall into bed. I could have breakfast in the morning.

I was stumbling on the sidewalk when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, frowning when I saw it was Ben's number.

What could he possibly want from me?

I opened the text, and my eyebrows jumped up, before I brought the screen closer and squinted my eyes to make sure they weren't playing tricks on me. Ben... was inviting me out for dinner?

"Howard? What are you doing? Get over here."

I looked up and saw a couple of the guys had got a taxi and were waiting for me to join them. Instead, I waved them off.

"It's fine, I need to go somewhere, you guys go ahead."

They shrugged. "If you say so."

I watched as they got into the taxi and it drove off. It was dark already, and I wondered just how much time we'd spent in that club. The cold air sobered me up a bit, but not much, as I waited for a taxi, and gave the name of the restaurant Ben had asked to meet. I could tell just by the name it was probably something fancy, but if he was asking me to come, then it had to be something important. I could pretend as if I wasn't drunk, too, though pretending had nothing to do with the smell coming off my clothes.

Whatever.

It would probably just be a short visit, anyway.

The taxi dropped me outside the restaurant, and I walked up to the entrance. I looked around, trying to find Ben. The moment I caught sight of him, I took a step forward, about to approach his table, only to pause when I realized he wasn't sitting alone.

What the heck is this?

Zoe was there. Not only her, even my mom. No one had warned me about this. The three of them were seated together smiling all happily, like a family. Suddenly, I felt a bit more self-conscious about my current state. Really, I should have hesitated to come when it was just Ben since I was trying to rebuild his impression of me, but maybe because I was drunk, I'd thought it would be fine.

If it was Zoe and my mom, though, I couldn't face them like this. I turned and stumbled away, feeling an ache in my chest I completely ignored.