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Demoniac

Fantasía
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Resumen

Mazoku was sacrificed in a Satanic ritual and due to that was possessed by a demon with one thought and goal: demolition. Now he regained his part of his mind he has two goals in his mind: restoring his soul and getting vengeance on who sacrificed him. However, it won't be easy. Everyone is against him with the turmoil he caused and his nemesis is at the top of the leadership. Mazoku will need his friends with him to get revenge on who wronged him. It's time for the demoniac to burn it all! /The art is not mine but a combination of different works. All credit goes to the original creators./

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Chapter 1Demon

He sat on the rock looking down at the lake. Silence. That's all there was. His long, black hair wavered across with the wind as his sharp nose started to twitch with a timid taping nose being perceived, he stood up looking at the landscape trying to make out a figure which may have been heading for him. He then spun around and sprung out of the way as a swordsman slashed his katana in the empty place where the individual was.

A samurai stood in front of him with a seemingly an enchanted blade in his hilt, his armour was basic with a golden tone on it, his helmet was black though covering his hair except for some stray brown hairs near his eyes which were etched with determination looking at the red and guilty eyes of...

"Ankoku Mazoku! You must pay for what you've done!" The samurai sprinted towards Mazoku with fierce energy in his eyes and pulled his katana out of his sheath releasing an immense blast of lightning.

Mazoku was on the floor, his body steaming as the samurai returned his sword into the sheath and walked towards him saying, "I'd apologize but for what you did." Akari looked down on him in shame and disgust, "You deserve everything that has came for you..."

He stood above his face nearly smiling and breaking his grim face, which seemed like a stone statue.

Mazoku whispered, "What's your name...?" His voice was dreary and coarse.

He looked defeated, Mazoku laid down, his eyes sombre towards his monstrous fate.

"Rei Akari. Remember your conquistador, fiend."

"GOODBYE AKARI!" Mazoku's voice started to change into a chilling and brutal voice with his skin turning into a forest of spikes and his hands shifted into a monstrous claw striking into Akari's chest but were stopped by a swift strike by his katana leaving a shocking attack.

His body was contorted and twisted like a sick mistake of the gods. His mouth was filled with blood to match with his disgusting and broken smile engraved into him. That demonic form was towering with multiple cuts on his dark verdant skin.

Mazoku's demonic physique healed in a second then zoomed towards him spinning his claws towards him in ever-changing velocities but never giving Akari enough time to attack back as he was left breathless blocking all of Mazoku's attacks.

They continued to battle each other as Mazoku jumped, spinning past the attacks and he then shot out a twisting claw to him crazily as Akari cut through them.

He continued to wear down them across the fight but in a split second, he lost control of his movement and then was clawed onto his face.

He fell only feeling and seeing blood everywhere. He was sure to be killed until a pack of fighters ran in the distance with horses ready to catch Mazoku.

"You were lucky this time..." He said his body transformed as he tunnelled into the floor to escape from the platoon.

"That was the demon..." Akari said, sweating as he was carried back. Meanwhile, Mazoku was sweating too in a cave as he changed back into his body. He looked at his reflection in the dark lagoon of water.

"No... no this is all wrong..." He said in shock that what he saw wasn't his face but a congregation of grotesque demons looking at him with a monstrous smile on their faces...

"It's the truth. You are the monster and you are the killer. The damned beast." The creeping voice of the demon shot into his ears as he laid horror-struck. "You will destroy it all!"

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Blizzard54k · Fantasía
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Frost_Bite8 · Fantasía
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Clone_v2
Clone_v2Lv10

A useful literary review, and I don't want to assume, but I hope this is a useful review, answers one question. Is the work of literature worth reading? It is that question I hope to answer for any potential reader. To quote one of my all time favourite bands, Rush. "Tell me the good news first" That's just what I'll do. The good news is this, the story is amazing. The characters are great and the dialog is nearly, oh so nearly flawless. The imaginative story will draw a reader in. The characters are very well developed in a very short amount of time. It's clear that the author has inhabited this world, he's walked through it. He's talked to the characters and emphasised with them. Even the antagonists have relatable moments. At times, you'll even root for them. In short, the story is good, it's really good, So that's the good news, that leaves the bad. Unfortunately, there is bad. We've established that the story is good, it's sad to say, but that good story is buried beneath less than ideal writing, The author made the bizarre choice to bend and far too often, disregard standard writing conventions. These conventions aren't there to put up a barrier to writing, but rather for the sake of the reader. The disregard of these writing conventions will lead any potential reader to intense confusion. The story can be understood, but only with significant effort of the intended audience. The webnovel does not separate dialog between characters with a new line. A change in scene isn't preceded with a paragraph break. The sentence are too long, appropriate punctuation is not utilised, and tenses are changed on the fly. Why one would use the future tense to describe what happened in the past is beyond me... The prose is far too often muddled. This muddling pulls you out of the story, forcing you to reread what you just read in order to understand the meaning. One of the chief intentions behind webnovels, an intention I'm not a fan of, but have to recognise, is that they are intended to be light reading. Something you can read on your commute, at a bar or at home for accessible entertainment. When the prose forces effort from the reader, that intention is defeated. So, is Demoniac worth reading? My answer is maybe. The story is fantastic, and I'm genuinely excited to see where it could go, I'm excited by the prospect of revelling in vicarious satisfaction as the MC face slaps those who betrayed him. I'm not, however, excited by the prospect of having to trudge through the nigh impenetrable writing. I hope the author polishes this crude gem to reflect the criticism I've laid out. I sincerely look forward to reading an edited version of this and relaying to any potential reader that Demoniac is indisputably worth your time. To the author: I know this review is probably not what you want to hear, but it's honest. I almost didn't write this review at all, but I feel like the changes you can make to this book to make it great is worth the feelings of guilt I'm feeling for potentially inspiring them. Writing Quality: 2/5 Stability of Updates: 5/5 Story development: 3/5 (hampered by the prose) Character Design: 4/5 World Background: 3/5 (hampered by the prose) Overall: 17/25

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