Josh.

A few days later, I still couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. After leaving the party, Christian and I decided to hang out a little before heading home.

Home.

Speaking of home, I'm actually returning back 'home' next week seeing that Lucy's death anniversary is in less than two weeks. To be honest, I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to go back to where I felt trapped. I really didn't. I felt my tears wanting to spill and I was currently in my room.

I heard a soft knock on my door and the door softly opened.

"Hey sweetie. Can I come in?" Emily asked and of course with a smile, I welcomed her in.

"Sure." Trish has gone on a babysitting job currently babysitting a nine year old and Christian has practice. Although we haven't resumed school yet, they have a match next month so training was in full blast.

Mark was at work so it remained only Emily and I at home.

She gently sits on my bed and I smile at her waiting for her to speak.

"Hey. How do you feel about going back home?" She asks softly and I see she cares for me. Like how a mother cares for her daughter.

The kind of care my mom doesn't show me.

That thought made me want to cry and Emily sees it too because she holds my hand.

"I feel deflated, sad. I want to go home and at the same time I don't. Lucy's anniversary is coming up and I really fear that day knowing that I am part of the cause of that day. I don't want to go to where her laughter and radiance were once booming, I don't want to go to where I don't feel loved. I don't want to go knowing I'm actually the reason to why she died. I don't-" Before I could finish my sentence, I started sobbing.

"Oh honey." She cooed and moved to hug me. I cried because I was tired of it all. I cried because I was tired of not having my sister with me anymore. I cried because I didn't really have a family. I cried because I know I feel loved here and mostly, I cried because I felt broken inside.

After a while, I eventually stopped crying and I suddenly felt embarrassed that I cried in front of Emily so I pulled away.

"I am so-"

"Don't be." She interrupted me. "Every one has a rough time in their lives and I really know it's hard." She said with a sad smile and a distant look in her eyes. She saw the confusion on my face and moved to explain.

"My brother died when I was seventeen."

Oh.My.God

"I.... I don't know what to say." I whispered. Shock evident in my voice.

She gave out a short laugh and looked behind me and it felt as if her body was here but her mind wasn't.

"It's okay. We were really close. Actually close to the extent that when we were out, people thought we were a couple." She gave out another short laugh. "He was the only one who knew me inside out. I didn't have a boyfriend because he was too over protective.

Then one day, he caught me sleeping with a guy from school. We fought and I stomped out of the house. Hours later I had not returned home and he went frantic.

He looked for me very late at night with my parents' car because his was in the repair shop. He eventually found me sitting down on a pavement in an unknown street and he parked across the street. He got down and told me was sorry for fighting with me, he proceeded to cross over, but when he got to the middle of the road, a truck he didn't know was coming hit him. It happened so fast, I didn't have time to think. The truck didn't have headlights and he didn't wait either. I was too shocked to move and just stared at my brother's still body as I saw blood gushing out from everywhere. I didn't know what to do or how to do it. My brother died right in front of eyes. The ambulance came and I didn't even know who called them,but my brother had died on the way to the hospital. He lost too much blood.

I didn't eat for days and I lost in touch with the world. I couldn't even sleep because of the nightmares. My doctor at the time said I was still in shock. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. My mom got worried seeing that she lost both her children. I was like a living dead. I attended school but really didn't go to school. It was like when he died, I died." She paused and I felt my tears again.

"Then after two years, in the middle of the family room, in the presence of my parents, I screamed. I screamed like I should have done the first time I saw him dead. And I cried. I screamed and cried my brother's name. My parents were shocked and my mother was happy that I gave a reaction so she cried with me.

A week later, I moved out. I moved out because it was just too much to bear. Too much memories in our home town. And a year later I met Mark. We started off from the wrong foot but we eventually got to know each other. We got really close and for the first time said in 4 years, I opened up to someone. That day changed everything in my life. I began to fall in love with him and I felt alive again. Because of him, I went to college, because of him, I contacted my parents, because of him, I could finally accept my brother's death and that it wasn't my fault. We eventually dated and got married 2 years later. I still miss my brother everyday and a small part of me still feels like it's my fault." She finished and looked at me and gave me a little smile.

"You didn't have to be in tears." I didn't even realize I was crying.

"Oh Emily. How do you expect me not to cry after hearing such sad story?" I cried harder.

"I didn't think it would make you cry. I just needed to let you know that I know what you felt and that you are not alone." She said and I hugged her.

"Thank you so much for sharing that with me Emily." I pulled away.

"Of course. You are practically family anyway. It's okay to be sad. I'm sure you don't want to go home but I feel home is the best place for you to be at this crucial time." she said and I nodded.

"Thanks again."

"No problem." She paused before she continued. "I was actually going shopping for groceries and I wondered if you would like to come along?"

If she left, I would be alone with no one in the house and I'm not sure that's what I want.

I smiled before answering her.

"Of course."

"Okay. Meet me in the car." She stood up and walked to the door but I stopped her before she could step out.

"Um Emily, sorry to ask but what was your brother's name?" She paused before a smile spread across her face.

"Josh."