antidepressants and social anxiety

Hello world,

is anyone out there like me? i've been shy all my life, and it's causing some real problems. i never had any friends, but now, at age fourteen, i feel like i'm totally alone. it's driving me crazy. it seems like i spend more time (way more time) talking to myself in my head every day than i've spent talking to other people my whole life. okay, that might be exaggeration, but even the simplest things other people do every day (things they love to do) practically paralyze me with nervousness: shopping, gong to parties, dating-forget about it. and invitation to any of them might sound good at first, for about a second, then i start thinking about all the ways i'll probably embarrass myself if i go: i'll pick the wrong clothes for the part and look really out of place. everybody will see me when i walk in the door and realize i have no sense of style. because i'm so nervous i might get clumsy. no one will want to talk to me, and if anyone does, i'll say something stupid. i know for sure i'll blush because i'm the biggest blusher in the world. sometimes my face gets so hot i feel like i could faint from embarrassment. if the floor could open and swallow me forever at times like that, i'd go willingly. i can't stand it anymore. i don't want to be like this. please don't think i'm conceited, bit i do have some talents, and i wish i could share them with others. i write music and i have a good voice. now i'm about to announce my biggest secret to the whole world wide web: part of me would love to try out for american idol. if the people who know me ever heard that, i'm sure they'd be shocked and get a big laugh out of it. anyway, i'm certainly too terrified to ever do anything like that. i don't want to make a fool of myself in front of millions of people. my mom says i'm my own worst enemy because i stop myself from doing so many things, but i can't get rid of the negative thoughts in my head. i know it isn't rational to be so worried about what other people think of me, but i can''t stop. can anybody out there relate to any on this?or am i the only weird and pathetic one?

Thanks for listening,

Scared All the Time