CALENDER

I can not hold back the tears and they run down my cheeks as I reach the stairs. I hate college - but my seminars have not even started. Why can not I just have a roommate who is more like me? Actually, I would have to sleep soundly to be prepared for Monday. I've lost nothing at parties like this, and I certainly should not hang out with such people.

I kind of like Steph, but with this scene here and guys like Hardin I just do not get it. He is a mystery to me. Why does he have to behave like an idiot? But then he suddenly remembers his book wall - why does he have them all? Unimaginable that such a brazen, irreverent idiot with tattoos like these incredible works.

He reads at most the label of a beer bottle. As I tear away my tears, it suddenly becomes clear to me that I have no idea where exactly we are or how to get back to the dormitories. The more I think about my choices tonight, the more frustrated and tense I become.

I should have thought it over more thoroughly. Exactly why I plan everything: so that such things do not happen. The house is still packed and the music too loud. I can not see Nate from the stairs anywhere, nor Zed. Maybe I should just find some room and sleep on the floor? There are at least fifteen rooms up here, so maybe with a bit of luck I might find one? Although I try to hide my feelings, I somehow do not succeed and I do not want to go down that way.

I decided to go back to the bathroom where I was with Steph. There I squat down on the floor and put my head on my knees. When I try it again with Noah, he goes on the second ring. "Tess, it's late, are you okay?" He sounds pretty tired. "Yes, no, I went with my roommate to such a stupid liaison party, and now I'm stuck here, have no room to sleep, but I do not know how to return to the dorm," I sob. Of course, I realize that it's not about life and death, but I'm so angry with myself for getting myself into this situation.

"A party with the redhead?" He sounds surprised. "Yes, with Steph. But she's lying on the top." "Man, why are you giving in to it? It's just that ... just nobody you would normally spend time with." he says. Somehow, his scornful tone annoys me. I was hoping he would tell me that everything is going to be okay, that tomorrow is a new day, something positive, encouraging. Not something derogatory and hard. "That's not it ...", I sigh. At this moment someone tries to open the door. I quickly get up.

"Just a moment!", I call and dab my eyes with some toilet paper, which only smudges the kohl. That's why I do not usually use this stuff. Someone wants to go to the bathroom, "I explain and hang up before he can protest. Whoever is out in the corridor is hammering on the door. I hurry to open it while I wipe my eyes again. "I told you I'm com-" When I look into a green eye pair, I am silent.

At the sight of these incredibly green eyes, I suddenly realise that I had not noticed their color so far. Which is probably because Hardin has never actually made direct eye contact with me until this moment. Incredible, dark, surprised green eyes. Hardin looks away immediately as I crowd past him. But then he grabs my arm and holds me tight. "Do not touch me!" I scream. "Did you cry?" He asks in surprise. If it was not Hardin, I would almost think he was worried about me. "Leave me alone." He blocks my way, but today I'm fed up with his games.

"Hardin, please, I implore you, if you have any decency, leave me alone, save your base comments for tomorrow, please." I do not care, or he hears the embarrassment and despair in my voice. I just have no strength left to deal with it. For a moment, confusion flits across his face and he looks at me briefly before opening his mouth.

"At the end of the corridor is a room where you can sleep, I've already taken Steph." I'm waiting for him to add something else, but he only looks at me silently. "Okay," I reply softly. Then he makes room for me. "The third door on the left," he says before walking down the hall and disappearing into his room. 'What was that? Hardin without blatant comments? '

I'm sure I'll see him tomorrow. He probably has a calendar in which he plans all his comments, as I have one for what I still need to learn. I'm sure I'm on his list tomorrow. The third room on the left is a simple room, much smaller than Hardin's room, with two single beds. It's more like a study room than Hardin's roomy accommodation.

Maybe Hardin is a kind of leader here or something? More likely, however, is that the others are afraid of him and he has secured by a chicane the largest room. Steph lies in bed next to the window. I cover her with a blanket before closing the door. Then I take off my shoes and make myself comfortable on the other bed. My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere until I finally fall asleep and pictures of cloudy roses and angry green eyes pull through my dreams.