Chapter 8: Delulu
But recently, my thoughts have been occupied by someone else. Ethan.
Ethan is... different. Handsome, obviously, but it's not just that. There's something about him that pulls me in, something I can't quite explain. He's smart—sobra. He doesn't back down from a debate, which I like. Lagi niya akong chine-challenge, especially when I'm just provoking him. But he doesn't take it personally. Hindi siya nagtatampo or avoids confrontation—he fights back. And I love it. I think that's why I've been... watching him more closely lately. Not in a creepy way, though—just observing.
I find myself scrolling through Ethan's social media every now and then. Innocent lang, I tell myself, but I know deep down that my curiosity about him is growing. I look at his old posts, check out his pictures—he has this intense look when he's in debate competitions, just like how he is in class. It's kind of cute, to be honest.
But enough of that for now. I have to stick to my routine. Work, class, sleep. Repeat. It's the only thing that's been keeping me grounded. Pagod na ako, but I know I need to keep busy para hindi ako mabaliw kakaisip kay Liam—o kay Ethan.
My shift ends at the call center. Finally. It's almost 3 AM. The night air is cool as I step outside. Every part of me feels heavy from exhaustion. Pero kahit na pagod ako, there's something peaceful about the stillness of the streets at this hour.
"Kael!" I hear a familiar voice call out. It's Mom. I turn and see her walking towards me with a smile on her face.
"Ma? Anong ginagawa mo dito?" I ask, surprised. Hindi naman siya usually sumusundo sa akin after work.
"Naisip ko lang na sunduin ka minsan. You've been so busy, parang hindi na tayo nagkakausap," she says, looping her arm through mine as we start walking.
"Yeah, medyo. Ang daming work lately, tapos may classes pa. Sobrang hectic," I reply, rubbing the back of my neck.
She nods, understanding. "Kamusta ang mga klase mo? Social Studies pa rin, right? Hirap din 'yan, pero okay pa rin ba?"
I shrug. "Yeah, okay naman. Interesting pa rin siya. Meron kaming isang class na debate, and may isa akong classmate—si Ethan—grabe, ang intense niya pero in a good way. Lagi kaming nag-aargue, pero masaya. It keeps me sharp."
Mom raises an eyebrow, teasing me. "Oh? Si Ethan pala ha? Parang may kakaiba diyan."
I roll my eyes. "Hindi, Ma. We're just debating. Sobrang talino niya, and it's refreshing to have someone who doesn't just agree para lang iwas-away."
She chuckles. "Hmm... parang kilala ko 'yang 'we're just debating' na 'yan. Ako nga rin, nagde-debate lang kami dati ng tatay mo."
I groan, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Mom, grabe ka naman."
She laughs and pats my arm. "I'm just teasing, hon. But I'm glad you're finding something—or someone—that you enjoy. After everything that happened, you deserve that."
I pause for a second, her words hitting me harder than I expected. She's right. I deserve more than what Liam gave me. Maybe Ethan is part of that "more," kahit na hindi ko pa alam kung ready na akong aminin 'yun sa sarili ko.
After catching up with Mom for a while, I head home and face my laptop. Online class starts in an hour, and kahit sobrang pagod ako, hindi ako pwedeng mag-skip. My major—Social Studies—demands participation, and our professor loves throwing unexpected questions na parang biglaang quiz.
I grab a quick snack, then settle into the virtual class. The screen flickers to life, and the familiar faces pop up on Zoom. I don't see Ethan this time—he's not in this class. Biology major kasi siya, so we only share certain subjects. I focus on the lesson, but my mind occasionally wanders to him.
The professor begins talking about colonial history, a topic that's not exactly thrilling to me, but I do my best to stay engaged. I raise my hand every now and then to add a comment, trying to keep myself in the flow of the discussion. It helps, especially since I'm still trying to distract myself from other things. Hindi ko kayang tumigil; otherwise, babalik lang sa isip ko si Liam.
After class, I barely have time to relax before my alarm goes off, signaling another round of work. Work, class, sleep, repeat. It's a cycle that's exhausting, but it's what's keeping me from spiraling. Sobrang pagod na ako, pero kailangan ko itong gawin. Otherwise, I'll have too much time to think.
Before I head out, Mom pops her head into my room. "Kael, aalis ka na naman ba?"
"Yeah, may shift na ulit," I reply, pulling on my jacket.
She frowns. "Ang dami mong ginagawa lately. Sure ka ba na okay ka lang? You've been pushing yourself too hard."
I pause for a moment, glancing at her. Am I okay? Honestly, I'm not sure. Pero alam ko, if I stop, I'll feel everything all at once.
"I'm fine, Ma," I say, forcing a smile. "I just need to keep busy. Alam mo naman."
She gives me a knowing look but doesn't press further. "Okay. But don't forget to take care of yourself, ha? You've been through a lot."
I nod and give her a quick hug before heading out. I appreciate her concern, pero right now, I need this routine. It's the only thing keeping me from sinking too deep.
As I walk to the bus stop, I pull out my phone, unable to resist the urge to check Ethan's Instagram. I scroll through his latest post, smiling at a picture of him with some friends. It's innocent enough, pero bakit parang natutuwa ako sa bawat photo?
Maybe this is what I need—something, or someone, to look forward to.
Ethan's POV
I usually don't care much about who checks my social media. I post a bit, scroll mindlessly, and that's about it. But for the past few days, I noticed someone consistently visiting my TikTok profile. It's unusual—this person isn't someone random. After seeing the same name pop up repeatedly, I couldn't ignore it anymore.
It was Kael, a name I recognize from class. We're not friends, but we've debated a few times in our general subjects. Curiosity got the best of me, so I did what anyone would do—I checked his profile. His TikTok was pretty normal, but it got me thinking, if he's checking my TikTok, could he be checking my other social media too?
I opened Instagram. Sure enough, there he was again—Kael. Not only following me, but he had liked some of my old posts, the ones that didn't even get much attention.
"Ano'ng ginagawa nito?" I murmured to myself, closing the app. Was he stalking me? Medyo creepy, but it wasn't like he left weird comments or messages. Still, why me? Why was he paying so much attention?
I could have confronted him, but instead, I chose to ignore it. After all, I have bigger things to focus on—like my Earth Science class and preparing for my BPO job applications.
I settle back in my chair, adjusting my headset. My professor's voice drones through the speakers as I open my notes on atmospheric science. Today, we're going deep into the structure of the Earth's atmosphere, something I've always been interested in. It feels like a puzzle, one I'm eager to solve.
"Ethan," the professor calls my name, and I immediately sit up straighter. "Can you explain how the troposphere functions differently compared to the stratosphere, especially in terms of temperature variation?"
I pause for a moment, my brain quickly piecing the answer together. "The troposphere is the lowest layer of the atmosphere, where all weather takes place. Temperatures drop as you go higher. On the other hand, the stratosphere, which contains the ozone layer, experiences an increase in temperature with altitude because the ozone absorbs UV radiation."
The professor nods. "Very good. And what happens in the mesosphere?"
I smile a little, already knowing the answer. "The mesosphere is where temperatures decrease again, and it's the coldest part of the atmosphere. It's also the layer where meteoroids burn up, creating shooting stars."
I could feel the satisfaction in my voice. I loved this stuff, and answering questions made me feel like I was in control. As I continue participating in the class, I notice that it's not as distracting as before. For a moment, I forget about Kael and everything else.
Class finishes, and I remove my headset. Online classes can be draining, especially when you're stuck inside the house 24/7. I stand up, stretch, and glance at the small kitchen area of our home. It's not much—a simple stove, a table, and a few chairs. It's cramped, but it's all we've got.
I grab a small plate of rice and the leftover tinola my mom cooked earlier. Since we don't have much, I've been extra careful with what I eat. I've been monitoring my daily intake, making sure I don't overeat since our food supply needs to last. It's nothing fancy, but I need to be practical with what we have. After eating, I clean up quickly, knowing I have more things to tackle.
Later that evening, I sit on the edge of my bed, laptop open, browsing BPO interview questions. I've been hearing rumors that face-to-face classes might start in the next semester, and if that happens, I want to be financially ready. A BPO job seems like the best option, so I've been practicing for the interview. I'm determined to get it, despite how tough I've heard the interview process can be.
"Tell me about yourself," I whisper, pretending I'm in an interview. "I'm currently an Earth Science student, and I've developed strong communication skills through online classes and debates. I'm highly adaptable, which I believe is essential for working in a fast-paced environment like a call center."
I repeat my answers over and over, making sure they sound natural. I need to be prepared, lalo na since I don't have the luxury to fail. I've even been working on my English, trying to get rid of any hesitation in my speech. I need to be confident.
It's late, and my eyes are starting to droop, but my mind is still racing. I lie down, but instead of sleeping, I find myself reaching for my phone again. Without thinking, I open TikTok and check my profile viewers. There it is again—Kael's name. Why is he still checking on me?
It's weird. Should I be bothered? He's never been this invested before. I catch myself wondering what he thinks of me. Am I just some random guy he likes to debate with? Or is there something more?
I sigh, closing the app. "Ano ba 'to?" I mutter under my breath, feeling frustrated. I should be focusing on my BPO application and my classes, not on who's checking my social media. But there's something about Kael's attention that's gnawing at the back of my mind. It's unsettling. I've always been the type to focus on what's in front of me—school, work, and my responsibilities. Kael shouldn't even be on my radar.
Shaking my head, I try to push it all aside. Tomorrow is another day of class, and I need to be sharp. I don't have time to get distracted, not now.
The next morning, I wake up early. My routine is always the same: review my notes, practice for interviews, attend class, and repeat. Today's Earth Science lesson is about air pressure and its impact on weather systems.
"Ethan," the professor calls on me again, as usual. "What can you tell us about the effects of high-pressure systems on weather patterns?"
I don't even hesitate. "High-pressure systems are generally associated with calm, clear weather because the air sinks, which prevents cloud formation. Low-pressure systems, on the other hand, cause rising air, leading to cloud formation and potentially stormy weather."
The professor nods, and I can feel the satisfaction building again. Despite everything going on, this is my comfort zone. The academic world makes sense. It's predictable, unlike people.
That night, after another long day of classes and practice interviews, I collapse into bed, completely drained. I should sleep, but my mind keeps wandering back to Kael. He's still out there, checking my profiles, and for some reason, I can't stop wondering why.
But I can't let that distract me. I have goals—important ones. I need to focus on landing that BPO job and preparing for the potential return to face-to-face classes. Whatever's going on with Kael, I'll deal with it later.