42. Look at me

Ben gets confused, "Now what could you possibly be apologizing to me for?"

Peter closes his eyes and turns his head away in shame, "The night that you died, I could've prevented it. I could've stopped the man that shot you, but I didn't."

Peter waits for the shock and anger from his uncle. He expects that this is the reason why Uatu brought this man here. To have him confront his greatest mistake. The one that started it all.

"Oh is that all?"

Peter whips his head around back to his uncle, who just looks at him with a look of understanding, "Son, I don't blame you for that. You felt like the world was giving you your due. You lost both your parents before you even got to know them, kids your age didn't like you because you were different, and me and your aunt May could hardly keep the lights on," he places his hands on his nephew's shoulders, "You didn't have it easy kiddo. And it still hasn't gotten any easier from what I've seen."

Peter gets curious about what he means.

Ben nods to the Watcher, "Mr. Uatu there filled in the blanks for me," his face then morphs into one of disappointment, "Including what you did that brought all this on."

Peter's heart drops as he says, "Uncle Ben, I can-"

"Stop right there," Ben Parker says raising his hand to stop him from talking, "I'm about to do something that frankly is long overdue. Something that someone should have told you a long time ago," he looks him dead in the eye with a very serious expression, "Grow up,".

Peter's recoils at that, "What you did was not a selfless act of love to your aunt, but was a selfish and frankly childish act out of your need to alleviate yourself of guilt. You asked that wonderful woman, Mary Jane, to give up years of love and devotion, a beautiful life that the two of you built, for yourself. Not for May, for you.

"But-"

Ben lifts a finger to his nephew's face, "No, you listen to me, Peter," he says as his expression changes to a pained one, "I love your aunt May. She is the love of my life. And when I saw what happened and how much pain she was in, it tormented me because there was nothing I could do. I just had to wait for her to either keep living or for her to pass on. Either way, I just didn't want to see her suffer anymore."

Ben then gives him a hard look that makes the younger man flinch, "Meanwhile, all you could think about was how it was your fault. How it was your life as Spider-Man that was responsible for her getting shot. And you were so desperate to right this wrong, and after you went to everyone you know that you thought could help but couldn't, you made a deal with the devil."

"And while I doubt you would've sold your soul to save your aunt May's life, you still went ahead and did something just as bad. You gave up your marriage and asked your wife to do the same," Peter gets a pained expression at that, "How do you think your aunt would feel if she ever discovered that? Hmm?"

Peter doesn't answer. He assumes it's rhetorical.

"Do you think she would have been happy? That she would be proud?" Ben continues as he shakes his head, "No. She would have been ashamed and riddled with guilt. She would be been devastated to know that for her to live, you sacrificed your marriage to the devil. All so you don't have to feel guilty."

Peter looks down in shame as tears flow freely from his eyes and he drops to his knees. He's right. Of course he's right. Peter didn't do this for anyone but himself. Here he stands trying to defend his actions against some cosmic beings when frankly he had no real defense. His actions were despicable and unbecoming of a hero and a human being.

"Look at me."

He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to see the face that's haunted him for so long looking back at him with disappointment.

"Look at me."

But he can't ignore it either, so with great reluctance he looks up and sees not disappointment but a pained expression.

"I am not doing this to be cruel to you son. I am doing this because I love you. Because I want you to be the man that I know you can be. The man that your parents and I can be proud of."

Peter hangs his head in shame, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Ben sighs as he gently responds, "I know you are, son. I know," he takes a breath obviously not done, "Now here's another lesson, open up more," Peter lifts his head up and looks at his uncle confused, "You don't have to do this alone Pete. You have friends, people you can trust with your life and the lives of May, Mary Jane, and everyone in your life that would be in danger because of what you do. You just need to open up more."

Peter wants to tell him it's too dangerous, how if more people know then the chances of his loved ones getting hurt just skyrockets.