Taking Ass & Kicking Names

Divine lightning incinerated several HYDRA goons before they could shoot off their laser weaponry. Another half dozen were struck down with various curses and spells as I calmly walked towards the looming castle that was the main base. 

Around me the Avengers fought their own battles against the never ending swarm of masked goons. Thor blasted a few with lighting while Steve bashed people around with his shield. Natasha shot a man out of a tree while Hulk threw some goons at each other. Clint picked off some snipers with his arrows while Gabriel covered his rear. Tony flew around blasting people with energy beams. 

Ophis, well she did some pretty gory things with her snakes that would give normal people nightmares. Overall, we were kicking their asses without much effort. 

"There's some sort of force field around the castle." Tony communicated over everyone's earpieces. 

"Want me to get rid of it?" I offered. 

"Already dealing with it." 

"You sure? I could just erase it from existence with the snap of my fingers?" 

"Where's the fun in that?" The billionaire replied. 

"Guys can we focus, I think they have enhanced soldiers." Steve called out. 

"Gabriel, deal with that please." 

"Okay daddy!" 

I almost felt bad for Pietro, almost. 

"Do all the other angels call you daddy?" Tony asked. 

"Nah, just Gabriel. She's always been a bit of a daddy's girl." 

"So did you make them out of magic or…

"Tony, if you don't bring this barrier down right now I'm about to turn you into a frog." 

"Alright alright, wait you can do that? Oh right." 

The barrier came down and Tony flew in while dodging a few anti-air countermeasures. I extended my wings and flew after him. The others could handle themselves, especially with Ophis violating goons with her snakes. 

[Scene Break]

The Maximoff siblings were captured unlike in the movies. Strucker was still sent to prison along with the surviving HYDRA goons. Once everyone was clear of the castle and Tony retrieved the staff I erased the entire place from existence with the Reality Stone. 

At first I was just going to blast it with magic and reduce it to rubble, using the Reality Stone to make the castle simply not exist was so much more fun though. I enjoyed everyone's reaction to the castle disappearing and being replaced with a lush forest. I also repaired all the damage to the surrounding landscape. Ophis had ripped out a few trees to use as baseball bats when she and the Hulk had decided to play with the HYDRA goons.

Wanda almost died after she tried to mind control me. Unfortunately for her, trying to read the mind of a god was the stupidest thing one could do. She had been lucky that I was feeling generous and healed her. She was about five seconds away from her brain leaking out of her ears after getting her head cooked by trying to get into my head. 

Pietro on the other hand surrendered when Gabriel kicked him in the dick, while he was using his super speed. The poor guy had been so shocked that he gave up on the spot when Gabriel asked for his surrender. The fact that Ophis and Hulk were playing baseball using trees and henchmen a few feet away may have contributed as well. 

The Avengers bantered for a bit while I watched them with a smile. It was one thing seeing it in the movies, but another thing entirely witnessing it in person. Despite their differences the Avengers really were a natural team. They fit together well and they built off of each other. 

My musing was disrupted by time freezing around me making me scowl. I turned around looking for the source and spotted a glowing being appear in the back of the Quinjet. 

"You do not belong here." The golden cunt said. 

"You don't fucking have a say stupid fuck." 

"I AM THE ONE ABOVE ALL!" 

"YOU CAN FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING NUTS! See how annoying that is? Now stop fucking shouting before I vaporize your golden dildo looking headass." 

I felt power wash over me and I raised an eyebrow at the golden being. 

"Really? You're going to try fucking magic on me?" 

"How? This is not possible!?" 

"You have one more fucking chance asshole. Fuck off or die." 

"You can not kill me! I am the One Above All." 

"And that's supposed to stop me? The sole reason your dumbass exists?"

"I am the one who created all." 

"Holy fuck you're retarded. Ophis wanna deal with him?" 

The golden douche froze when Ophis turned to look at him. He must have thought she was also frozen but seeing that she was well above his power level, he was shit out of luck there. 

"Go away." Her monotone voice echoed in the timelocked jet. 

"Who are you people?" 

"Simple, I'm the very first being to ever exists long before you came around, this is my sister Ophis, the Ouroboros Dragon God and you are a golden dildo that's really starting to get on my fucking nerves. Now leave and I'll act like this never happened or be wiped from existence." 

"Y- you can not. I am eternal I am the On-

"Okay I gave you a chance dumbass." I snapped my fingers. 

The golden being exploded violently, I contained the expulsion of power and took the power into myself. My power jumped again bringing me a bit over full strength. 

"Stupid dildo." Ophis muttered before leaning on me and going back to sleep. 

I snickered at the obvious influence I had on Ophis' name calling and patted her head. I looked back at the spot that the Golden Dildo had just been in.

I had some doubts that One Above All was actually dead. He was supposedly the strongest thing in this universe after all. I didn't think that getting blown up from the inside would destroy him permanently, but I was a Primordial God. This universe only exists because of leftover energy from when my previous incarnation created everything in existence. Destroying some idiot with an overinflated ego and overconfidence in his own self importance was just another Tuesday. 

I unfroze the world and fixed any discrepancies with another snap of my fingers. It seemed that the powerful beings in this universe really were mentally disabled. Freezing time worldwide without thinking about the consequences. Threatening the person that literally caused your creation. Acting all high and mighty with a chunni ass name. 

No one seemed to have noticed the disturbance. Natasha met my eye and I felt a string of emotions coming from her. I went back to patting Ophis' hair while Gabriel snuggled into my arm. 

"Party back at my place. Everyone is invited." Tony called out. 

"Say Tony… can I see that scepter?"

"Uh sure but why?" 

"Gonna crush the blue gem up top and absorb the power from the Infinity Stone powering it." 

Thor froze when he heard the word Infinity Stone mentioned. Everyone else looked puzzled. I looked to the Asgardian to explain to everyone else.

"Why don't you explain what those are Thor?" 

I took the scepter from Bruce who looked at it warily. Thor began his explanation about how the gems were powerful artifacts that predated the seven realms. How the celestials used them to make everything in their universe and then some.

I didn't realize it back with the Reality Stone, but each stone contained trace amounts of my energy. Back when my previous incarnation had first created everything including the Dimensional Gap, he must have been leaking a lot of power. This power then consolidated into these stones that found their way to this universe. It only made sense seeing that the stones didn't give me any new abilities that I couldn't already do. If anything the just amplified my innate abilities to a ludicrous degree. Where I could create worlds with a snap, I couldn't affect already established worlds without considerable effort. The Reality Stone changed that. With the Mind Stone, I reckoned that creating new life from nothingness would be much easier as well as using my mind powers. 

Everyone stopped talking and stared when I crushed the gem on the scepters blade and let the yellowish stone drop onto my palm. The power radiating from the stone was palpable so I began breaking it down immediately so that I could absorb it. I wasn't risking anything by letting the Avengers be exposed to it for so long. I had grown attached to the ragtag group. Once the stone was fully absorbed Thor let out a breath.

"Where-

"Absorbed, so that none may abuse their power." 

"Better you than anyone else I guess. Fury isn't going to like that though." Natasha spoke up. 

"Nothing he can do about it. These gems are consolidated bits of my power that found their way to this universe. Technically I own them." I glance over at the spy. 

She sent me an unreadable look before returning her focus to flying the jet. 

"You created this universe?" Thor asked. 

"Indirectly yeah." 

"Any cool new powers?" Tony asked with an excited look. 

"The stones are solidified remains of the energy I used to create everything. They don't give me new abilities. They just boost the ones I already have." I replied. 

"What stone was that?" Bruce asked. 

"The Mind Stone, it's why it could control people and influence how people thought." 

"Could it have controlled you?" Steve threw out. 

"Not in the slightest, one they're made with my energy, and two my mental defenses are impenetrable." 

I directed that last bit to Wanda who was handcuffed with magic suppressing cuffs that I conjured up. Pietro was in a straight jacket that was also enchanted and his legs were chained with similar cuffs to his sister. Only the cuffs suppressed his stamina and speed. Both were gagged so they just glared at everyone with a lot of loathing. 

"That's good, I wouldn't want to fight you." Tony said with a small laugh. 

"I wouldn't want to fight me Tony. I'm a cheat character with hacks and broken abilities." 

"At least you admit it." He replied. 

"Can you… never mind." Bruce looked down. 

"Help you deal with the Hulk permanently? Yes I can… but I won't. You're two sides of the same coin, you might not see it that way but that's how it is." I answered his aborted question. 

"H-how can the Other Guy be me?" 

"Remind me to give you a few books on mind magic when we get back. You're long overdue for a conversation with the Hulk." 

"Uh, alight?"

"Anyways where were we?" 

"Infinity Stones." 

"Thanks Clint, right, Infinity Stones. There's six of them, I've already absorbed two that leaves four. Each control a different aspect of the world, and together they can make someone a borderline god."

"What's stopped people from controlling them before?" 

"Mainly the fact that simply touching one as a normal human can kill you." I stated. 

"Do you know where they all are?" 

"Yes and no, I know where they are I'm just not sure if they've moved. Some of them are out of this solar system." 

"What?" Tony interjected. 

"Yeah, some of them are not in this galaxy. I believe one of them is in an abandoned planet, there's another being guarded by Red Skull, there's one on Asgard, and another one currently out of reach." 

"Red Skull?" Steve sat up with a worried look. 

"Yup, noseless bastard touched one and got shackled with the responsibility of guarding one." 

"That's- he touched the tesseract then he…" Realization dawned on to the star spangled hero's face. 

"The tesseract is one of these Stones?" Natasha inquired. 

"Yeah, why do you think I said one was on Asgard, by the way. I take that it's secure?" I looked over to Thor.

"It's in my fathers treasury. The safest place on Asgard." 

"I'll have to visit sometime then. I'm curious to see the difference between the two Asgards." 

"We will welcome you." Thor replied with a small bow. 

[Scene Break]

The party in the remodeled Stark Tower, now named Avengers Tower, was in full swing. Gabriel and Ophis decided to go to this universe's version of heaven to clean things up. I guess they didn't want to attend the admittedly loud party. There were some changes, mainly Falcon wasn't around yet. Rhodes still did his whole War Machine story and Thor and Tony had a not so subtle dick measuring contest with their women. Bruce had decided to stay in his lab while studying the book I gave him on Occlumency and Clint was speaking with Maria Hill. His surface thoughts were filled with his hesitancy to ask me about protecting his secret family. 

"We need to talk." Natasha said as she approached me.

"Uh oh, that's never a good thing." I smirked. 

"Why?" 

"Why what?" 

"Why me?" 

"You're going to have to be more specific than that love." 

"Why are you flirting with me so much, you could have any woman in the world. Hell, if you're really God then you can just make the perfect woman for yourself out of mud or something." 

"You still don't think I'm actually God?" 

"I have my doubts, you're nothing like what people would expect." 

I stepped closer to the auburn haired former assassin expecting her to take a step back. She remained in place with a neutral look on her face. 

"And what do you expect me to be like?" 

She opened her mouth to reply but shuddered when I brushed a strand of her long red hair behind her ear. Smirking, I stopped channeling little bits of electricity through my fingers and gave her an expectant look as if still waiting for her response. 

"I- I thought you'd be more serious, not an even worse version of Stark." 

I hummed, leaning in as if to kiss her. I whispered, "Tony's got nothing on me." 

Her eyes had closed, her lips slightly parted. She took an involuntary step back and glared at me when I didn't go through with the kiss. 

"Are you using your abilities on me?" 

Grinning widely at her, I replied. "Specifically?" 

"To make me react like this… I- you, you're making me act like some blushing school girl." 

"Then no, I'm not doing anything to affect you into reacting this way," I reached out to tilt her head up, "this is all my natural charm." 

"B-bullshit." She stuttered as I got closer to her. 

Brushing my lips against hers I gave her a light kiss, "Give me a moment and I swear I'll make it last a lifetime." 

Looking into her green eyes I could pick up the conflicting emotions in her mind. The lust, the hesitation. There was also a bit of something else there too. Something like hope for her own future and that of her sisters. 

"Get a room you two." 

I sighed, Natasha glared at Tony. Chuckling a bit I turned to face the billionaire who had interrupted my moment.

"Tony, that's the second time you've interrupted me." 

"Second?! When was the first?"

"Back on the helicarrier, when you first arrived." I pointed out. 

"I left right after, besides… I saw how flushed she was when you came back from your 'spar'." He wiggled his eyebrows. 

Grabbing Natasha's hand I held her back from walking away, "Stay, I'll get back to you in a second." 

She turned to me, "I need a drink, you want one?" 

"Sure, but come back. I wasn't done with you." 

"Fine, but you're going to answer my questions without flirting or redirecting things." 

Nodding at her I turned over to Tony who was glancing at her swaying hips. 

"Should I tell Pepper that you're looking at other women?" 

"Keyword, looking . No harm in a little bit of appreciation of the merchandise." 

"I don't think she'll see it that way." 

"Whatever, I came here to ask you about a few things." 

"Shoot." 

"Right, I was wondering if there was anything you could do for this shrapnel in my chest." 

'That's right… Ironman 3 hasn't happened. Wonder if it's just delayed or if I changed too many things for it to still happen.' 

"I can heal you back to peak physical shape if that's what you're asking." 

"Yeah, how long would you need?" 

"A few seconds tops." 

"Really convenient being a god eh?" 

"You have no idea." I smirked in response. 

"I have a few ideas," Tony took off his suit jacket, "need me to do anything?" 

"Nah it's already done." 

He blinked at me before touching his chest. His eyes widened in shock when he realized that I had healed him mid-conversation. 

"I don't know if that's impressive or actually frightening." 

"Just keep that in mind for the next time you cock block me." I grinned. 

"You're really going for her?" 

"Yeah, I've been single for a while now. I actually like how feisty she is."

"I wouldn't call her feisty, but you're the god. You know best." 

"Honestly, I feel almost drawn to her. It's not just my glaring weakness for redhead bombshells either." 

"As a man who's dating a redhead, I can tell you that they're a handful." 

"Don't let Pepper hear you say that." I chuckled. 

Tony rolled his eyes, "She won't unless you say anything. There is something called the bro code, you must have heard of it." 

"Tony just because I'm older than creation itself doesn't mean that I'm an idiot." 

"Could have fooled me."

"You calling me an idiot Tony?"

"No, not at all." He replied with a small grin. 

"Need anything else." I chuckled. 

Tony may have been annoying at times but he knew how to keep things real. Either that or he was just dumb enough to tease a god. I liked the guy, underneath the carefree attitude he genuinely was a decent person. 

"Nope, looks like Thor is doing something with that hammer of his though. Good luck." Tony called back as he was walking away. 

Once he had gone back I turned my head slightly towards where I sensed Natasha hiding. 

"You gonna hide there all night or are you going to bring that drink over." 

She slipped out of the shadows with two drinks in her hands. Handing me a glass of whiskey she took a sip of her cocktail while looking towards where Tony had walked off to. 

"You healed Stark." 

"What can I say, I like the guy and I am good at making miracles." 

"Fine, you said you'd answer my questions." 

"Ask away then." 

"Why are you really here?"

"Were you not paying attention when I answered that? I'm here for a vacation, a change of pace before I attempt to fix a bunch of fucked up shit in my own universe." 

"So you're really sticking with that?" 

"Natasha, what's so hard to believe?" 

She frowned, "I- if you're God, then why have you allowed all these terrible things to ha-

"Let me stop you right there," her frown deepened, "are people inherently evil? You don't need to get too into it, just answer the question." 

"I- no, people aren't evil. Not generally at least." 

"Humans are born with free will, with this they have the capacity for both good and evil. It's free will that lets people decide which to act on." 

"If you're God, can you not fix that?" 

"Natasha, humans were created to be independent, to think for themselves, and to live their own lives. Contrary to the whole Garden of Eden story. Humanity has always known what was right and what was wrong. To quote unquote fix things, I'd need to remove free will completely.

This was one of the reasons Samael or as he's better known, Lucifer or Satan fell from heaven. He was angry that humans got free will while Angels had to follow a strict set of rules or else they'd fall from grace." 

"He was right you know." 

"I know… too late for change now though." 

"What do you mean?" 

"One of the problems I'll have to deal with when I get back to my universe." 

"Can you stop being so cryptic." 

"I'm not trying, I swear. You have more questions yes?"

She sighed, "My sister, can you help her?" 

"I can, I can help all the women who went through the same things you did." 

"Do you need help locating her?" 

"Nope, I'm God. I know everything." 

"I can't even tell if you're kidding anymore." Natasha grumbled. 

"Anymore questions?" 

"The flirting. Why me specifically?" 

"Cause you're hot?" I chuckled. 

"That's all?" 

"Nope, while I find you attractive physically I also admire your drive to do good." 

"And?" 

"Are you fishing for compliments?" 

"Maybe…" She grinned. 

Putting a hand on her waist I pulled her close, "You have really kissable lips." 

"I'm not sure that's a compliment." Her voice was low. 

Inching closer our lips finally met in a soft kiss that turned heated. I vanished our half finished drinks and pulled her flush against me. I was pleasantly surprised when Natasha deepened the kiss. Peeking at the still ongoing party, I noted that nothing seemed to be off and there was no sign of malignant AIs ruining things. 

"Your place or mine?" Natasha asked as she pulled away. 

"Don't have a place yet, so yours I guess." 

"Really? You're the most powerful being in the universe and you don't have a home?" 

"I never got around to it." 

She hummed before pecking me on the lips, "Come on lover boy." 

With that she took my hand and pulled me towards the door. 

[Scene Break]

Being a divine entity I didn't really need sleep. That said, waking up next to a gorgeous woman the next morning after an entire night of intense sex was… satisfying to say the least. 

Natasha's crimson hair was a tousled mess covering her face and tickling my chest. Our clothes lay scattered around the master bedroom of her modest apartment. With half her body draped over mine I couldn't leave the bed without waking her. So I resigned myself to cuddling the drop dead beauty for a few more hours, woe is me. 

I sent a mental message to Gabriel and Ophis that I was fine just in case they went looking. Closing my eyes again I pushed out my senses and checked up on everyone else. The party had apparently raged on for a bit longer after Natasha and I left. Thor had seemingly returned to Asgard. Tony was passed out on his couch, Clint had returned to his family, Rhodes was sleeping underneath Tony's bar, and Steve had gone home. I set a mental reminder to check up on Bruce, who hadn't left his lab. 

Just as I opened my eyes again, Natasha began to wake up. She let out a groan as she stretched her limbs. She froze when she realized I was still in her bed. 

"Hi." I smirked. 

"Hi yourself. Thought you'd have gone home." 

"Don't have one yet remember?" 

"Right." 

"Also I'm not the type of guy to pump and dump a gal."

Natasha snickered, "Pump and dump?" 

"Yeah? Isn't that what it's called?" 

"No, no. I just find it amusing that God would say something like that." 

"Finally believe me then?" 

"After last night? You've got my attention." She smirks. 

"Just your attention?" 

"What more do you want?" 

"All of you." 

She quirked an eyebrow, "After one night?" 

"Like I said, I'm not one to ditch someone I'm interested in."

"Gotta take me out to dinner first." She grinned. 

"Planning on it… how does later tonight sound?" 

Humming lightly she traces circles on my chest, "Maybe." 

"Is that a yes or a no?" 

"It's a maybe, Fury might still have something. We never debriefed after that mission." 

"Can't we just give ol' Nicky a call or something?" 

"Unfortunately some of us actually work for a living."

"Sucks to suck I guess." 

She slapped my chest playfully, "You can fix it all with a snap of your fingers." 

"Yeah but where's the fun in that?" 

"Is this another free will rant?" 

"Nope, I just think it's more worthwhile to actually experience things rather than just solving everything with divine powers." 

"Is that why you haven't gotten a house?" 

"Partially, I also just forgot." 

"How can you forget?" 

"I have other things on my mind alright." 

Natasha laughed, "Like what?" 

"Seducing you." 

"You did not seduce me." She denied. 

"Sure, whatever lets you sleep better at night." 

"Well, I did sleep really good after last night." 

"Liked that did you?" 

Before she could reply, her phone started ringing. Letting out a disappointed groan I slumped back into bed while Natasha picked up the call. 

"Clint what is it? Yeah, I'll bring him." 

She hung up the call and glanced at me. 

"What is it?" 

"You'll know when we get there." 

"How much time do we have?" 

"Not enough time for a quickie if that's what you're asking." She smirked. 

Snapping my fingers I sent a small pulse of power around us. Natasha looked around as if waiting for something to happen. 

"I isolated the room around us. Time is flowing faster in here than it is outside, around an hour for every minute." 

"Did you really jus-

"Use my powers to bend time so that I can make sure you're bow legged and limping when we go meet Barton? Yes, yes I did."