On His Own (2)

Some people would say that the Spell was all about balance, that it didn't choose the roles randomly but ones that attributed to the person. That there was a reason for everything from the person's purpose and flaws of their character to all of the number of misfortunes and blessings they'd experience.

That had to be a lie.

Hope felt scammed. Cheated.

'You could just outright say you hate me.' Hope somberly thought as he stared up at the sky, still assuming that was where the Spell hid its fragmented self. 'It would be mutual.'

Was there anyone else who hated the Spell more than Hope did?

He wasn't sure. But he felt like he was at the top of the list for it.

Hope grunted as he climbed back up the small cliff he had fallen off of from last night's excursion with the monster gate. With his rifle gun slung over his shoulder, he used it to prop himself back up on the trackway.

Standing tall, he took in the view of the wide gray expanse that stretched as far as the eye could see. He still had ways to go before crossing paths back on the main trackway, but he supposed this trackway would work for now.

He started to march forwards, but with every movement, with every stride, he could feel more and more how filthy he was. The grime on his face cracked, his uniform soaked with blood now hardened as it dried from the cold, even the strands of his pale blonde hair roughly scratched his eyes. It was also practically a dark-haired color instead at this point. And from time to time, he could still taste the faint rotten flesh on his lips.

What a sight to behold if he crossed another soul.

A living one. Not a dead one like all these dead bodies littered across the terrain.

For a while in silence, the only sound that could be obviously heard was the rush of breeze in the hilltops, and the infernal scratch of bone and gravel beneath Hope's boots. He even entertained the idea of stealing one of the dead soldier's uniforms, but they were just as or worse than his condition.

But aside from all that noise, Hope's mind was in a conundrum. Not only was it the invasive whispering voices, but he was fighting them to focus on one thought.

The Heart God.

'Mm...Is she connected to my Aspect then?'

It was the same for that Immortal Flame guy wasn't it? Him and the Sun God? The elder had mentioned the Heart God as Goddess of Souls and Goddess of Memories-

'...to simply give your names to the Heart God is a fool's gambit-'

Sksshh!

Hope's foot slipped from the automatic voice ringing in his ear.

It caught him by surprise to hear that dirty old man's voice.

Hope gritted his teeth as he straightened himself.

'Right...sensitive mind...'

Hope continued crossing the hill and reached its other end as he continued his primary thought.

Who was the Heart God?

A goddess of course. But there was more obviously to her than just her title.

A Goddess of Souls...and she embodied people's trials and memories. It mentioned how she oversaw them throughout their life, so practically she also saw them till their end. Then, was she the Goddess of Life or Death in a way? Did gods interchangeably use similar aspects? A goddess taking her time to understand her people, only to be betrayed in the end. Well, in all honesty it was because of her naivety that any of that happened in the first place. Maybe it wasn't surprising for gods to make stupid mistakes. Did people in this waking world contain fables or records about gods and their failures?

Hope was sure some story like that was written out there. Although he didn't know who would have written it, he would have to acknowledge their writings in revealing the despicable sides of those gods. 

Crunch. Crunch.

Hope was now crossing another layer of old dried bones on the trackway. He kicked some aside as he walked passed to have some clearing. 

But then he paused.

He turned and looked at some of the other monster carcasses that have been left for days. Weeks. Maybe months.

He remembered that the government would sometimes send an operation to scavenge the monster's bodies for soul shards. Not many could during the heat of battle when they were in the middle of another mission. So, they would have to send a different group to dedicate their time in harvesting them.

That didn't happen too often because, one, it was a time-consuming job, two, there were other necessary duties to be carried out, and three, this wasn't the only region that had littered bodies at its wake.

Hope walked off the trackway to the nearest corpse. The one that looked the 'freshest.'

It was one of the carapaced monsters he and his team had fought before. A common beast type that came through the monster gates.

He stared with a blank expression at its shredded body traced by spewed bullets. The head torn and exploded in rotten bits of flesh; spots and tints of green and grey tainting the exposed surfaces. If Hope remembered correctly, which he did, Awakened would cut through the monster's belly or lower back to achieve the soul shard. As Hope slung his rifle off and grabbed it between his hands, Hope heard selective voices arise in his mind, ones that were related to the Awakened performing this action.

He tried to ignore it and focus on the carcass in front of him, but he could see a vague film of an Awakened cutting through the monster's flesh. Specifically, this monster, so it wouldn't be too hard in figuring out where the soul shard was.

Stab!

Hope shoved his rifle in between the monster's shell. He dug it further into the monster before ripping it out. He then knelt next to the gash he made and pried the skin open with his bare hands. A wave of spoiled meat hit his nose, but he ignored it as his arm rummaged through the torn tissue.

He felt his hand reach and touch something round and solid. Almost like a marble but bigger. A lot bigger.

He grabbed onto it and pulled it out. 

Squilsh...

And there it was. A soul shard.

Blue and small. Lit and ethereal, minus the blood coating its surface. But a soul shard, nonetheless.

'Huh. Never really held one close before.'

Hope gazed at the glossy ball. It seemed surreal that such a thing could exist in this waking world. Like it didn't belong to it.

Hope felt something stir inside his chest from that thought but ignored it as he then crushed the soul shard between his fingers. The soul shard collapsed into blue vapor. Then, as if being magnetized, seeped into his chest. Hope could feel his own soul tingle at the new sensation, brimming for a few seconds as if hungry for more before it reached back to its reposed state.

'I wonder how much I have.' Hope touched his chest as he picked up his rifle and stood up.

He had heard that no one knew the specific number of soul fragments one had. It was all about the feeling. They could sense whether it was halfway saturated or near to its brim. Although, it was very rare for anyone to fully saturate their core. Half of the Awakened almost had it easy when they first entered the Dream Realm because they were able to find a gateway nearby. So, though they may be an Awakened, they knew only the basics to swing a sword and to avoid monsters. Not the harsh revelation of life and death, kill or be killed.

Not grand or warrior-like as people make them out to be.

At least, the number of Awakened that Hope came across. Maybe there were more now out there knowledgeable about such things. 

But to count one's soul fragments? That would surely be a unique thing for an Awakened to have.

Tap. Tap.

Blood dripped from Hope's rifle gun and hands as he moved to the next 'fresh' corpse thirty meters away. Hope thought that maybe it wasn't so bad that he had such a dirty uniform. It would be annoying to spill blood on a decent one.

Stab. Chkk!

Another soul shard.

Stab Chkk!

Ah. Empty.

Stab.

And another soul shard...

Stab. Stab. Stab.

'Mm. Maybe I won't be able to reach the Mirror City in time at this rate.'

Hope frowned as he looked up at the sky as he knelt next to another carcass.

Was the Spell watching him from above?

Was it omniscient?

A sunken feeling set in his chest. He didn't like the idea of the Spell watching his every movement.

'And you better not do anything stupid or inconvenient for me got it?'

No response.

Not that he expected a real response. But if it was listening, then it should know that Hope hated it. The day that if even a part of the Spell died would bring an indescribable peace to Hope. He wasn't sure why he thought of it in that way, but that was how he could describe this feeling.

But as Hope continued down the path, trying not to veer too far off the trackway, he continued searching through the monster's carcasses for more soul shards.

The thought of luck felt forbidden to admit out loud. Even if this situation called for it.

He felt like he would jinx himself. Or maybe an ominous future was already awaiting him because of the number of soul shards he was obtaining now.

'Ah dammit. Even alone I feel like I can't rest.'

Hope paused at that thought.

He frowned.

'Wait...'

He shook the thought off and continued stabbing his rifle into the monster's belly. 

Stab!

Squilsh-

How many hours have passed by now? It was a series of trial and error as he dug through the bodies. Most he couldn't tell if they had or soul shard or not because of how mauled their bodies were. Others were easy to tell. But strangely, some intact ones didn't. Huh. Did soul shards disappear? Or was there a monster that consumed soul shards?

Hope frowned.

'Never heard of a monster like that before either.'

Hope dismissed that thought as well.

Then, a shadow flickered at the corner of his eye.

Hope froze in place, and cautiously turned his head towards a distant silhouette. It was a beast. An Awakened Beast or a Dormant one he could not tell. Hope knew he was bound to cross at least some monsters on his journey, but it felt like a pain now that it came to reality.

His plan?

To avoid it as much as possible.

Hope kept a watchful eye on the distant silhouette as he dug again into the Awakened Beast's innards. He was slightly getting used to the smell of the spoiled flesh. His stomach, not so much.

He quickly broke the shard in his hand, the blue vapor disappearing into his chest, and he slowly crouched away towards a jagged stone jutting out of the earth.

Although he thought of himself always having a perceptive gaze for a soldier, his vision was clearer now. Right. The benefits of having a Dreamer's body. Strengthened bones and better vision.

Or Sleepers people also called them.

Although, why did they switch to that name? Hope couldn't recall any memories to answer that question.

The monster from afar seemed to have a large abdomen that it carried behind itself. It crawled with thin limbs across a hill heading...

Hope squinted his eyes.

...north.

But the monster kept turning its head back around as if catching his presence. How could it? He was bathed in the common blood of the monster's brethren which scattered and bathed this terrain. He could not stand out unless it was his own blood that spilled.

Hope waited for it to turn its head away before he slid carefully down the slope and used the hill as a shield to hide himself.

Crunch. Crunch

The rocky soil crunched beneath his boots as he walked further away from the monster. 

Ah. Was it noon already?

Crunch. Crunch.

After seeing that it was a safe enough distance away from the monster, Hope started to jog.

And from time to time, he would stop by the monsters' carcasses to scavenge for more soul shards.

The soldiers he left untouched.

***

Hours have passed and sunset was finally approaching. As Hope reached another hill, he was greeted with a larger one that towered over him like a challenging foe. This rocky terrain was hard to fastly travel on with all the ups and downs, slippery slopes, and jagged cliffs.

Hope swallowed back a complaint, sighed inwardly instead, and continued forward.

The cold started to settle into his bones, and he could feel his bloodstained fingertips becoming numb because of it.

Whooosh-

A wind suddenly picked up and blew debris in his face. Hope winced as he turned away and saw the scattered pieces be carried off in the wind, flurrying around almost weightless. Almost like flakes of snow. Yes...they slightly reminded him of snow. He had only seen it as a kid-

!!!

But with that tangent thought, an image resurfaced in his mind of when he watched the snow fall outside of a window. Hope clutched his head at the memory, but strangely also felt reluctant to dismiss it just yet.

Ah. There was another thing special about snow. It came in winter. Of course it came in winter, but what was special about winter was the winter solstice.

And that made everyone on edge about the season. Infected or not. Families and children alike wait for that inevitable time of the year.

'Winter solstice...' Hope squeezed his eyes shut and finally tried to dismiss the memory.

'Right...when Dreamers enter the Dream Realm for the first time.'

By now it was late winter. Already in the early months of the new year so Hope would have 'missed his chance' to have entered in the Dream Realm. Although with his cursed Attribute, maybe he couldn't anyways.

Hope shook his head from the thoughts as he started to march uphill with a steep cliff to his right. It almost seemed as if a landslide had happened here.

'Well, probably so.' Hope noticed the trackway disappearing beneath his feet. Maybe it happened after the convoy passed through here. It was still somewhat useable.

Somewhat.

For carriers? Maybe they had to go around.

'Hmm...my teammates.' How were they now? Did they take refuge in the Mirror City before they reached the Naval Base?

He could remember them without their closed helmets on. The three of them with their dark brown hair. One with freckles. One with grey eyes. And the other with a scar above his lip. The four of them together were practically the same age.

GA-014. GA-012. GA-015.

The team who had brought up the weird topic of which death was better: being burnt alive or being drowned.

His answer?

"..."

'Still fucking both. Who the hell in their right mind would think one was better than the other?'

Hope remembered when they huddled together against their carrier one dark night, and they brought up that ridiculous question to pass the time. Huh. That memory was playing all too clearly. Almost as if he were really there. Wait- He can't really see anymore where he was walking.

Hope tried to pull back from the memory, but he felt that it was already too late-

'Wait. Shit-'

Slip-

"Erk!"

Hope tripped forward and landed face first onto the rocky soil.

A cacophony of voices started to spring up at that moment.

'Do you know which way is up, trainee?!'

'On your feet!'

'Move it! Go go GO!'

And many more followed along those lines from when his officers would call him out for acting too clumsy.

'Just...shut up...' Hope groaned as he sat himself up.

Hope rubbed the gravel off his face.

Well, he figured out a small concept of how his new damn attribute worked.

It was a given that if he thought on a memory for too long, he would be absorbed into it so much that even his vision would struggle to distinguish between reality and memory.

And...

The damn voices of his memories never ceased from his mind.

If anything, if he could focus a task at hand then they would subside. But never absolute. So, the scavenging of soul shards was a big help, but Hope knew he had to pick up the pace and not be stalled for so long. When he left the carcasses alone, even when he was also busy avoiding the other monsters lurking around, the voices were more apparent.

So, all in all...

'How unfortunate...'

Hope brought his arms down to rest on his knees.

Was the soul shards a plus? Yes.

But did he need to find proper shelter and food? Also, yes.

Could he eat one of the carcasses left by the trackway?

"...if it comes to that then maybe."

Bvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrr....

A buzzing noise broke through the whistling wind and reached his ears. Not from his memory, right?

No. It was certainly real.

Hope immediately stood up and faced down the number of hills he just previously traveled across from. The noise came from somewhere amongst those hills. Not from any sort of monster, but from a vehicle.