Chapter 31: Oh damn it all! Part 1

With everyone on board, I pulled out several magical binding contracts. After reading them, everyone signed without so much as a complaint. My demands were not outrageous and were absolutely within what I had explained to them.

"Okay, first, what do you guys know about vampires?" I asked, leaning back with a smirk.

"We drink blood for sustenance, we occasionally develop powers, and we are stronger and faster than humans or wixen in a fight," Emmett said confidently.

"Mhh, well, technically, you're right. But that isn't what I meant," I replied, shaking my head.

"Then what did you mean?" he asked, annoyed at being wrong.

"Your origin! What do you know about your origin?" I asked them all, and all I got in response was silence.

"Guys, I mean the history of how the first vampire came to be?" I tried again, and once more, I was met with silence.

How is it possible to be a century-old vampire and know absolutely nothing about how or why you're immortal, have all these cool powers, and, well, the need to fucking drink blood?

"Stop being an ass about it and just tell us!" Rosalie finally snapped, clearly annoyed at being left in the dark.

"You do know she's gonna kill you if she knows what you're thinking, right?" Edward, sorry, Gayward, interjected.

"I don't need to know what he's thinking; I can see it in his smug look! I bet he's calling us all idiots, morons, or something equally demeaning!" Rosalie said through gritted teeth.

'Oh, wow, the idiot has sharp instincts,' I thought, surprised. I decided to play it cool.

"Geez, woman, let me have my fun!" I say to Rosalie, clearly annoyed.

"Severus, please stop taunting Rosalie and get to the point," Carlisle interjects, amusement in his voice.

*Sigh*

"Sure, everyone's out to ruin my fun!" I say, mock hurt dripping from my words.

"Is he always like this?" Tanya asks Esme.

"More or less, it depends on his mood," she replies, a hint of amusement in her tone.

These people are a tough audience.

'In a way, life is like performing, and this situation is like performing in front of a retirement home!' I think, trying to motivate myself.

"Rude," Gayward mutters.

'Stupid asshole! Stop reading if you get offended!' I think, increasingly annoyed.

"I will beat you up!" Gayward snaps, his irritation evident.

"Try it, and I'll run away!" I retort, not missing a beat.

"He's being serious, Edward!" Maggie chimes in, trying to calm the situation.

"Little wuss," Gayward says through gritted teeth.

"Sue me!" I shoot back, adding mentally, 'Bitch!'

*Teeth grinding*

Standing in the center of the room, I decided to make this more amusing for all and released my aura, my presence commanding immediate attention from all the vampires. The blooddrinkers even bared their fangs at me instinctively.

'Haha come on this is exactly the reaction I wanted!' I think amused, and as I am releasing my aura I start creating illusions with my magic.

Seriously, I do not know why illusions aren't a class in itself, but apparently, if you can literally rewrite reality something mundane as illusions get sidelined.

The audience, a mix of vegetarian and blood-drinking vampires become curious onlookers, they lean in closer, eager to hear and see the story I am about to share.

"Let me take you back to ancient Greece," I began, my voice resonating through the room, seemingly coming from everywhere, yeah magical Dolby surround system bitches. " To a time when gods and mortals walked the same earth, and legends were born. This is the story of Ambrogio, who became the very first vampire. Just because he fell in love."

"A love story!" some of the women said excitedly.

"A love story?! Really?!" some of the guys spoke up annoyed.

I stopped, letting them get lost in their own thoughts and giving them a chance to process what I had said. To be honest, I don't understand why love or failed love has been a factor in half of the bad things that have happened in human history.

For example, the Taj Mahal, the fat British king who went berserk and split the church from the Catholic church, igniting a war unlike any other, or the guy who was so obsessed with crocodiles that he ended up being their supper.

Because of the insanely fucked up things that may come from the combination of humans and love, I decided to fall in love with porn, which was considerably less harmful to my then environment. Perhaps it also helped that I was a fugly, insecure fuck. However, that is up for debate, so go fuck yourself if you don't believe it!

Now, let's get back to the tale.

"Ambrogio was a young and skilled Italian hunter, known for his obsessive devotion to the god Apollo." As I was telling the story, an identical man dressed in hunting gear materialized in the illusion.

"That is he himself." I heard a mumble of shock, but I remained silent.

"Looking to the Oracle of Delphi for direction, he set off on a quest that would alter his destiny forever. He encountered Selene, a stunning young woman who worked as a temple priestess in Delphi." I spoke, and once more, several more Severus appeared in the illusion, one dressed as the Oracle, and one as Selene.

"Why is it him again?!" Emmet asks, sounding both surprised and mildly amused.

"Their love was instant and deep, but this drew the ire of that bitch, Apollo," I told the story and displayed my image once more, but this time it was a golden statue that was furious.

"Damn it, Severus! Why are you playing every single role?!" I hear Gayward enquire.

I looked around the crowd, taking in their faces of disbelief and their demands for an explanation as to why the fuck I am every character in the story.

I could explain to them that it's due to financial constraints, aka budget cuts, but the truth is that I still struggle to create illusions, and my excessive narcism makes it such that I can only produce the greatest images of myself because I am just that awesome. But honestly, I felt a little ashamed.

*Cough*

"Well, it is because of copyright reasons." I try to explain sheepishly.

"He is lying!" Maggie adds her bit, full of schadenfreude.

"It is because he is not yet good enough at creating illusions." Smugly, Gayward continued.

'Assholes!' I think annoyed.

"Oh, sweetheart, you shouldn't feel ashamed of it! You're doing fantastically!" Esme expressed it in a consoling manner.

After giving her a brief glance, I whispered a silent "Thank you."

"Anyway, poor Ambrogio was cursed by Apollo, the resentful and envious little bitch that he is. He ruled that Ambrogio would always be beset by bad luck and that he would never see Selene again." As I tell the story, I watch everyone staring pitifully at poor Ambrogio while the sun burns him.

"So, it is Apollo's fault we go all shiny under the sun?!" Alice queries.

"Well, both yes and no," I respond.

"What?" she queries.

"He made it so Ambrogio would burn under the light of the sun, and his becoming all shiny came later," I tell her.

"Desperate and heartbroken, Ambrogio sought help from Hades, the god of the underworld and the only one he knew that was associated with the dark," and a version of myself arrives, this time in gray with blazing hair.

"Dude, at this point, just telling us the facts might be better than making a show of all the possible versions of yourself," Emmett says he's amused.

"Not happening, and now shut the fuck up, or I will add a few side characters!" I threatened him, and I noticed him blanching even more. As a vampire, he has naturally white skin.

So I'm not sure if he blanched, but I suppose he did because he shut up.

I keep delivering my story while also demonstrating the characters' moves and acts: "Hades, captivated by Ambrogio's dilemma, offered the poor sap a deal. One insanely shitty deal, but a deal nonetheless. Steal Artemis' silver bow, Apollo's sister, and Hades will give him a request.

This time, a female-dressed Severus appeared, but she was more in tune with nature and hunting.

"This picture has burned itself into my head," Gayward complains about seeing me in a short skirt with huge titties.

"Ambrogio, motivated by love, consented to the idiotic deal. But when he attempted to steal the bow, Artemis apprehended him. Enraged, she cursed him, causing any silver to burn his flesh and preventing him from completing Hades' duty." I narrated.

"Well, this is new! I've never had an issue with touching silver." Carlisle says.

The room was hushed, and everyone was listening to everything I said. "But Artemis, seeing the depth of Ambrogio's love for Selene and knowing her brother to be a well-known arse like her father, had pity on him. She bestowed upon him extraordinary strength, speed, and healing abilities. However, this came at a high cost: he would never be able to stand in the sun and feel its warmth again.

"I feel as though you skipped like half the story there," Gayward adds his two unasked pieces.

"Yeah, I skipped the boring part about him running around like a headless chicken and bitch about his oh-so-cruel fate, and him failing at several other tasks like an idiot!" I tell him, then return to narrating the story.

My tone became sorrowful once more."Ambrogio returned to Hades empty-handed. Hades, furious but not without a sense of opportunity for all, proposed another arrangement. Ambrogio had to capture and return the soul of an abomination from the abyss. Ambrogio attempted again but failed, and the creature escaped. Meanwhile, Selene plunged into sorrow, fearing her sweetheart was lost forever."

"Oh, the poor girl," Tanya mutters.

'Are you serious?! The guy is screwed up by one deity, then by another, and then by another, and the girl is the unfortunate one?! I am astonished, and Gayward, who is reading my thoughts, is also shocked.

"I feel ya, brother!" he says.

"Who's your brother, baka yaro!" I say annoyed.

The audience could nearly sense Selene's sadness. "Ambrogio, broken and desperate, returned to Artemis, pleading for pardon and help. Artemis was moved by his unwavering devotion and permitted him to consume her blood, granting him real immortality. However, this immortality came at a high cost—Ambrogio would have to drink the blood of others to survive, and after his beseeching and pleading, she finally granted him the ability to walk under the sun, but Apollo seeing this raged and fumed and cursed the poor sod once more. Denying him the opportunity to feel the sun's warmth again, and like a little bitch, he also took away the couple's fertility."

My voice softened at this point. "Artemis, in a final act of mercy, and because she felt sorry for her brother's sad display helped Ambrogie to change Selene into the first mortal to become a vampire via Ambrogio's bite. Finally united, Ambrogio and Selene escaped together, starting the vampire race."

"Dude, that kissing scene between two of yourselves is disgusting!" Emmett says with a scrunched-up face.

"Why? I find some boy love quite intriguing!" Maggie says with blushing cheeks.

"YAOI FOREVER!" I hear Alice shouting excitedly.

I look around the room to ensure that everyone understands the significance of the story. "And so goes the legend of Ambrogio, the origin of the very first vampire."

"But how is that related to our problem?!" Tanya eventually asks.

"Well, as I mentioned in the story, a god has cursed you all, and you must listen to the story. Two vampires cannot produce an heir, and a regular mortal will not have enough life force to withstand the energy drain." I communicated the obvious truth to them.

"Wait so we can get children if we bang some mortals?!" Tanya asks, perplexed, because none of them has ever done so for reasons that are simply beyond my understanding.

"Technically yes, but you would rather end up with a dead man or woman than getting a child of this, well it might work for the guys, but for the woman not so much," I explained.

"Why this is just unfair!!" Rosalie is speaking angrily.

"Well, their sperms will move into a living body, and eat up their parent aka mother to grow up, but if a mortal sperm moves into you, my dearest Rosalie, it will end up getting eaten, and so it has to be an exceptional man," I tell her, and all of their heads perk up.

"Well, I think he is openly hinting at himself!" Kate gives me a dirty greedy look.

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Hey everyone,

I finally finished posting the last chapter of the first Ark for my Patrons, if you want to read the whole Ark, you know where to go!!! I will now be writing/posting the second Ark!!

Here's the deal: we have a few milestones to hit, and if we can reach them, I'll release an extra chapter as a thank-you. Here's where we stand:

- **2500 cumulative PowerStones**: We're just around **60** currently short of this goal, standing at ~2440.

- **50 cumulative reviews**: We still need **21** more to reach this milestone, standing at 29.

- **450 cumulative comments**: We're just **27** comments away from hitting this target, standing at 423.

- **5000 cumulative collections**: We're short around **1k** collections to make this happen, standing at ~4k. (One extra chapter earned!!!)

-**50 cumulative Patrons**: We're short **35** Patrons to achieve this goal. I suppose my irregular release rate is the cause, but cut me some slack I have ADHD, and get bored easily....

The most achievable goal is simply giving me all them Power Stones!

So, if you're enjoying the story and want that extra chapter, let's work together to hit these goals. Every bit of support counts, and I'm excited to see what we can accomplish as a community!

Link: pat**on.com/ikaru5

As always a big "Thank you!" for all your continued support!