Chapter 21

PICCOLO

Never has a weekend taken so long to arrive.

I spent the days counting down the hours to see Lettie and Naíma again, at the same time scolding myself for wanting their company so much.

It was a tough week. I did everything to distract myself: I trained in inhospitable places, exploded random rocks, meditated, kept company with the other Namekians... I even played with Dende, teaching him some fighting techniques (what a humiliation!). He wasn't very good at fighting, as he wasn't from the Warrior Clan like me, but from the Dragon Clan, and his skills involved matters relating to the Dragon Balls.

For some reason, when I was training alone, I felt bad for Lettie. She didn't have the same luxury as me of not having to work to support myself, as we did during our Training. Sometimes I felt guilty for not helping with the household income. After all, whether I wanted to or not, despite everything my brain screamed against, I still considered myself Lettie and Naíma's unofficial husband-and-father.

Also, I made the mistake of visiting our old Camp. This only made my Enemy's voice sound louder in my head, with his death threats circling me more and more. It got to the point where I needed to keep a jar of Sacred Water in my bedroom, so many headaches I had due to stress.

Interestingly, due to all my anguish, Kami-sama started to always stay close by, asking me how I was or if I needed anything. It was so strange... I never imagined his paternal presence would be so... good. I was not used to such behavior, nor knew how to react to it.

Since I started going to the Lookout to get food during Training, I have always treated him dryly and, at times, even harshly. And now, every time I saw him, with his posture hunched due to old age and always holding a chalice of Sacred Water for me, that same feeling of embarrassment, that came over me when I hurt Lettie and Gohan, came back to consume me.

Anyway, I almost couldn't sleep from Friday to Saturday, so excited I was to see Lettie, Naíma and Gohan again so we could spend the weekend together. Crap. Me and my big mouth, making promises that are hard to keep and now having to honor my commitments.

We had agreed that I would be there on Saturday morning, as Lettie wanted me, as her former Master, to watch her classes and judge how well she was doing. When I got to her house, Lettie still hadn't woken up, which only made me more anxious. Okay, let's say I arrived around five in the morning and she wouldn't wake up for another two hours, but that's just a mere detail. In the end, I had to just sit and wait for her in one of the wicker armchairs on the porch, which was located under one of the main windows on the facade.

It was the most distressing two hours of my life. It only lost to the three hours we waited for Goku when we faced the Saiyans. At least I had the privilege of watching the sunrise from there. It was a spectacle and I dare say that, in that contemplative moment, I forgot about my problems.

Mental note: appreciate nature more.

In the end, I didn't even need to ring the doorbell. Lettie greeted me as she dashed out the front door, stunned as she stared at me, still sitting in the armchair.

"I felt your Ki and came running!" she claimed. "How long have you been here?!"

Without meaning to, I analyzed her from head to toe. She was finishing tying a white robe over her pajamas, with her classic disheveled hair and blue eyes looking like headlights as she caught her breath.

I had to restrain myself from kissing her right there and asking her if she wanted to go to the nearest registry office so we could get married on that very morning. Gohan could be our ring bearer and Chi-chi our maid of honor and— STOP IT, PICCOLO! ARE YOU INSANE?!

"Good morning to you, miss." I stood up, faking disdain. "You sleep too much."

"And you need to stop scaring me with your sudden arrivals." Lettie placed her hands on her hips, giving me a playful look and gesturing for me to come in at once.

Oh, how I loved that house! Being inside of it also helped to reduce my anxiety, with its cozy atmosphere. The morning sun's rays passed through the windows, bathing everything like the warmth of a hug. Better than that, was being greeted by Naíma's toothless smile after her mother went to pick her up from her bedroom.

Soon, I was having breakfast with Lettie, while Naíma devoured a bottle in her arms. A beautiful and fragrant homemade bread fresh from the oven rested on a plate in the center of the table and soon disappeared, mostly my fault. After that, I took care of Naíma on the couch while Lettie changed to organize her School for class.

"Huh? Where's the uniform I made for you?" I asked after seeing her come back from her bedroom wearing a basic Martial Arts kimono.

Lettie bowed her head, and I read that her feelings had become sad.

"I had to put it away, because, unfortunately, it got damaged in our fight against the Saiyans, and you…" She looked down. "You weren't here to fix it."

Silence.

Naíma looked at me and squeezed my thumb as if she understood what we were talking about. I regained my composure and replied firmly, "Well, then go get it. I'll fix it right now."

Lettie opened a big smile and, fifteen minutes later, wearing her old blue uniform completely restored, she welcomed her students from a door in that round room that opened onto the backyard. I stayed with Naíma, sitting on a long bench attached to the wall, watching the movement.

A new wave of anxiety wanted to dominate me. The students in that class were at most ten years old. Would any of them think I was the terrible Piccolo Daimaoh? After all, we were very similar. Or have they not even heard of him? And would their parents suspect anything? Perhaps the fact that they lived in villages further away from society contributed to my reputation not being bad because of my father.

I got my answer as soon as a little girl of about eight years old arrived, all happy to greet Lettie and compliment her uniform, and spotted me on the bench with Naíma.

"Hello, Naíma!" She greeted the baby and then looked at me curiously. "Who are you? I've never seen you around here."

"I-I…" I swallowed nervously. "I am… Piccolo."

"Piccolo?" She tilted her head and, to my surprise, smiled. "What a pretty name! I like it!"

My shoulders even relaxed after her statement and, without meaning to, I smiled back. However, the question she asked me next almost made me have a heart attack, "Are you Master Lettie's boyfriend?"

"Oh, I wish... I mean!!!" I faked a coughing fit. "No. I'm just a friend and I came to watch her class. In fact," I straightened my back, "I'm her former Master. Lettie was my student."

"Really???" The girl gaped her mouth wide in perplexity and turned to her colleagues who were gathered on the tatami. "You guys! Come here and meet Master Lettie's Master!"

Soon, I was surrounded by several children, who bombarded me with questions. I couldn't answer any of them, as one was talking over the other in excitement, and Lettie had to come to my rescue and order everyone back to the tatami to start the class.

It was a very pleasant morning. Lettie was an excellent teacher; much affectionate and patient, quite different from how I treated her with Gohan at the beginning of our Training. I had a lot to learn from her.

That was a basic level class, so the class consisted of warm-up sessions to prepare the muscles, attack techniques for beginners such as kicks, elbows, knees and punches, and then interactive and ludic games with simulated fights. At one point, the kids (and even Lettie) begged me to teach them a technique.

Dying inside of shame, I handed Naíma to her mother and stood in front of all those children, who gazed at me with a hunger for learning. I decided to keep the basic level and, in the end, I taught them balance and motor coordination exercises. They loved the experience, and I confess that I did too.

"You're really good with children," Lettie whispered as she sat next to me at the end of class, after putting some calm music on the radio and doing stretching and relaxation exercises for the children lying on the tatami. "Have you ever thought about teaching, too? I can open a Teacher's position for you." She chuckled.

"It depends on the salary," I objected.

"How much do you want?"

I almost said, "Nothing. Just one life by your side is enough for me." But I held my tongue and replied, "Dunno. Maybe I'll think about it."

"Well, my offer is made." She showed a little smile, looking back at her students.

"Listen," I continued, "sorry to ask, but don't they have a uniform?"

We analyzed the children. None of them were appropriately dressed for a Martial Arts/Self-defense class. Most were wearing common everyday clothes that did not help with movement and exercise. Some girls were even wearing dresses.

"Oh, Piccolo..." Lettie pressed her lips together, looking downcast and embarrassed. "I didn't demand that of them. You know how expensive uniforms are. My students' families are low-income. Some of them work really hard to pay for these classes, so their children can learn to defend themselves."

It was impossible for me not to remember when I met Lettie and asked if she had another kimono besides the old one she wore. At the time, she replied to me that she hadn't managed to buy a new one yet. Certainly, she understood well the financial difficulties that those families were going through. Too well, I'm afraid.

However, I also remembered that as soon as Lettie informed me that she hadn't been able to buy a new kimono, I made the uniform that she now majestically wore.

I had an idea.

"As soon as class ends, call your students one by one," I asked. Confused, Lettie did so. The little girl who greeted me was the first.

"Stay still." I gave her a little reassuring smile so she wouldn't be scared. In the next second, she was wearing a complete, new kimono, made from the best material I could imagine.

The girl freaked out with happiness. All the students were enchanted by my ability to create clothes and, soon, a line formed for each one to receive their new uniform. During the process, I noticed that Lettie gazed at me with her typical gleam in her eyes, as moved as her students by this "good deed" of mine.

My fear that the students' parents wouldn't like me dissipated when they saw their children leaving class wearing their new, free uniforms. When Lettie told a mother that all the credit for that feat was mine, the woman startled me when she suddenly hugged me, bursting into tears of gratitude and claiming that she would never in her life be able to buy something of such quality for her son. I was absurdly embarrassed by her statement, and my heart genuinely hurt by witnessing the simplicity of all those people.

When everyone left, Lettie turned to me, smiling from ear to ear as she held Naíma, "I never tire of saying how incredible you are."

Her eyes pierced into my soul. I almost panicked at that look, because I read Lettie's feelings, and they clearly told me how much she wanted to kiss me at that moment.

Help!!!

I was saved by Gohan's arrival. We had arranged for him to come at lunchtime and there he was, bag and baggage, to spend the weekend at his aunt and new little cousin's house.

Lettie made homemade burgers for lunch. I would have to be careful because if I continued to gorge myself on all those incredible delicacies, I would have to double my training to eliminate the trace of a belly that was gradually squeezing my uniform.

Finally, it was time for us to take Naíma to get her vaccines, and I must say that it was a traumatic experience for all of us, thank you very much.

We flew to the nearest health center in the region. When we got there, Lettie informed me that she didn't have the guts to see her precious daughter go through so much suffering, and begged me to be the one to hold Naíma while she was being stung on her legs. At first, I thought it was ridiculous, because what harm could a simple needle have?

I stood up all pompous and stuck up with Naíma when the nurse called. Before entering the small room, I made a disapproving face at Lettie, who was already crying softly while being comforted by Gohan.

I was terribly, terribly wrong.

As soon as Naíma was stung in her legs, her feelings transformed into the deepest fear and despair. It was obvious that she didn't understand why the heck she felt such pain OUT OF NOWHERE. I was in shock, paralyzed and stunned, and when I least realized it, I was trying to hold back my tears as I watched my little baby girl go through so much suffering. Certainly already used to such a reaction from parents, the nurse comforted me and gave me a pamphlet with tips on what to do with babies who receive vaccines if they don't feel well.

The return home was a bit turbulent. Lettie didn't want to fly with Naíma in that dejected state, so we needed to take a taxi. On the way, Lettie said how much she needed to buy a car.

"Chi-chi was right". She cuddled a crying Naíma to her chest. "I can't rely on my flying skills alone. I'm glad I got my license as soon as I adopted you, right, my dear? Is it hurting?"

As a bonus, Lettie suggested that I should get a driver's license too, because, "What if something happens and you need to come to our aid!". I wrinkled my nose at the suggestion, as I thought it was tremendously absurd. However, when I remembered how terribly wrong I was at the health center, I thought that she could be right.

Maybe I should really get a driver's license. After all, an unofficial husband-and-father needed to be prepared for any unusual situation with his girls, right?

"No matter how much you prepare yourself," said my Enemy. "Neither of them will survive."

I spent the rest of the way in silence.

We had a busy afternoon. Naíma didn't feel well due to the vaccines and became feverish. Lettie applied a cold compress to her legs, but the fever only went down a little. Luckily, she managed to get her to sleep, and took the opportunity to bake some cookies in the kitchen while I trained with Gohan in the front yard.

Towards the end of the afternoon, after I blocked his attack, my super hearing picked up a soft cry from Naíma in her bedroom. I concentrated to read her feelings: fear.

"Gohan," I called him, "let's take a break. I need to check something."

"Okay, Mr. Piccolo." And so we went back inside the house.

"Where are you going?" Lettie asked, checking the cookies in the oven. "Did something happen to Naíma?"

"Don't worry," I assured. "Leave it to me."

Indeed, I found that Naíma was awake in her crib, still very uncomfortable due to the discomfort caused by the vaccines. As gently as possible, I took her in my arms. Lettie was quite distressed to see me passing through the hallway between the living room and kitchen with her baby crying softly, but I reassured her again and left, sitting in the armchair on the porch that I had sat in that morning.

For a moment, I allowed myself to contemplate the landscape that surrounded that house. The sun was already beginning to sink in the west, behind the mountain range that surrounded that region.

Slowly, I held Naíma in my hands and our eyes met. She then made the biggest crying pout, her little black eyes filling with tears and her feelings screaming an extreme need.

Oh, how I wished all her pain would pass to me...

I couldn't hold it any longer.

"There, there, my little one…" I cuddled her into my neck, with a wave of the purest love and affection crashing over me. "Daddy is here..."

I did everything I hadn't had the courage to do until now: I hugged her, kissed the top of her head, and gave her all the protection and comfort she needed at that moment. However, a panic came over me and I looked around, afraid that Lettie or Gohan had seen or heard me.

Are you crazy, Piccolo?! Never do that again!

If Naíma learned to call me "Daddy", everything would be ruined! Worse than that, if Lettie heard, how would I explain my dream to her?!

Once again, I placed Naíma in front of me and our eyes met. Her fear had dissipated. In its place, a big toothless smile formed.

With my heart bleeding, I said, "Pay attention, Naíma. I-I… We… can't be together. Me, you and Lettie, you understand?" I swallowed a bitter saliva. "This is the hardest thing I'm doing. It's consuming me from the inside out! But do know that's for both of your sakes. I have my reasons." I closed my eyes tightly, holding the lump in my throat. "It's... It's too terrible for you to know!" I gave Naíma a tender kiss on the forehead, allowing my tears to fall. "Maybe one day I can tell you all the truth, but I'm not ready yet. Please be patient. Even though I'm not doing what I want the most, I'll always be here. I'll protect you and your mommy."

Naíma then squeezed my thumb tightly. It could be my impression or an illusion in my mind, but I could swear that she was trying to comfort me through her gesture, while her little black eyes gazed at me with a glow full of affection. It was almost as if she said, "It's okay. I understand you."

That filled my heart with peace, and I cuddled her against my neck again, stroking her back until she fell asleep. When I got back inside, her fever had gone down.

In the evening, Lettie ordered a pizza, which made Gohan quite happy, as she let him eat while watching TV. In fact, it was a movie night. Since Gohan liked animals and nature, Lettie put a cartoon movie about a wild mustang stallion who was captured by some military men and had to escape with the help of a native Indian. I admit I almost cried. Almost. When the movie ended, Naíma was sleeping in my arms and Gohan in Lettie's. We carefully placed them both in their bedroom and left.

Standing in front of their bedroom door, Lettie gave me a sweet smile. My heart raced. Without meaning to, I allowed myself to imagine… If we were married, would we also have a day like this in our routine? An ordinary day, in each other's company, doing simple chores around the house, life, School, eating delicious meals and having fun with the children until late... And then, at night, after putting them to bed, I would take Lettie in my arms, take her to our bedroom, take a bath together in our suite, and then, we would make love for a long time and…

NO, PICCOLO! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!

How long did I stand there, gazing at Lettie and imagining this impossible fantasy? Damn it.

Unintentionally, I also read her feelings.

Lettie wanted the same thing I did.

That only made me more terrified, and my cowardice spoke louder. In a few words, I thanked her for her hospitality, assured her that I would return tomorrow to visit them, and left. When I arrived at my bedroom at the Lookout late at night, I found a jar full of Sacred Water left by Kami-sama. Before I lay down in bed to sleep, I drank the whole thing.

***

"Don't take too long!" Lettie smiled and waved from the porch with Naíma in her arms. "I'll be waiting for you!"

Gohan and I waved back and flew off. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday morning. We would go fishing, so Lettie could make a special roast for lunch. On the way to a large river that ran through the region, I realized how joyful Gohan was to do an activity with me that didn't involve training or fighting. It reminded me of the times we explored nature together at the end of a Training day. Good old times…

The river didn't have many fish, so we spent a lot of time exploring the waters to see if we could find any good species. Both Gohan and I wanted to take a really big fish to surprise Lettie.

"Mr. Piccolo," called Gohan. "Now that you're back, are you going to marry Aunt Lettie?"

I choked and had a coughing fit. Disguising as much as I could, I caught his attention by pointing to an invisible fish. My disguise didn't work. Gohan looked at me questioningly with his arms crossed. 

I let out a long sigh. "It's complicated."

Silence. The water from the gentle current went against our shins.

"Is Naíma the problem?" asked Gohan. "You didn't like that Aunt Lettie adopted her?"

"No!" I shook my head vehemently. "Of course not!"

"I don't understand..." he replied. "You like each other, don't you?"

I shrugged but didn't deny it either.

"So what's the reason, Mr. Piccolo?"

"I already told you, Gohan!" A great irritation took over me. "It's complicated. And as for the reasons, I have mine."

Silence again. I didn't even need to look at Gohan to know his indignant body language.

"This is absurd!" he said. "You two are wasting time!"

Finally, I looked at him. Deeply.

"Do you think I don't know that, Gohan?! Do you think that doesn't torment me day and night?!" My eyes burned and I had to wipe them to hide the thick tears that formed. Such behavior of mine, however, seemed to be enough for Gohan to finally realize how complicated the whole subject indeed was, and how I was still not prepared to talk about it in more detail.

Finally, he lowered his head and just muttered, "You adults always leave me so confused... Just like my father."

"Why do you say that?" I frowned. "What is it about your father?"

Gohan was quiet for a few seconds until he looked up with his big black eyes. Just like mine before, they were full of tears.

"Mr. Piccolo… Do you think my father likes me?"

I straightened up, blinking several times, now feeling confused myself. "And why wouldn't he?"

Gohan sniffed and, with a choked voice, asked, "So why does he prefer to stay away, training, than to stay with me and mommy?"

It was like I was punched in the stomach. I swear I almost lost my balance there, on the pebbles of the river's ground. To add to my troubled state, Gohan began to cry, softly, with an embarrassed posture for being so vulnerable. His feelings were a mess.

Slowly, I crouched down to be at his level and, with all the affection I felt for that boy, I picked him up and hugged him, allowing him to cry freely in the safety of my arms.

Gohan was just a child. A child who had already seen and suffered a lot of bad things.

We stayed there for a long time, with him crying on my neck.

"S-Sometimes," he said, "I wish you and Aunt Lettie were my real parents."

My heart ached intensely at his words because when I read his feelings I realized that, in fact, a deep fatherly love emanated from him towards me.

But what do you reply when a child tells you something like that?

"It's gonna be okay..." It was the only reply I could say because if I said more, I might cry with him. I made another mental note to tell Lettie to advise Chi-chi to also put Gohan in therapy. Perhaps, of all of us, he was the one who needed it most.

We came back with a big fish, and Lettie lived up to her promise and cooked a nice roast for lunch.

During the afternoon, we decided to enjoy the day and stay in the front yard. Due to what I witnessed in the morning on the river with Gohan, I thought it would be better not to train with him, but rather just… play. As if he were just another normal child in the world, not the son of one of the most powerful warriors in the Universe. We found a soccer ball in one of the closets in his former bedroom and we stayed there on the lawn, kicking it to each other.

Lettie watched us from the wicker armchair on the porch, her daughter in her arms drinking a bottle. My little Naíma had not yet recovered from the illness caused by the vaccines, so she still needed some rest.

At one point, I felt Lettie's gaze on me and I turned towards her. Our eyes met. We exchanged a little smile, blinking slowly at each other. Lettie let out a sigh while her feelings exuded great happiness.

Now, concerning my feelings, they were increasingly becoming more confused. And the voice of my Enemy in my head was getting louder and louder. At least I wasn't with headaches.

At night, none of them stayed awake until the movie ended. They were all tired from the busy weekend. So, carefully, I took them one by one to their beds, except for Gohan, who I was in charge of taking to Chi-chi on Sunday night.

First I took Naíma to the crib, and finally, I could feel the taste I had in my dream of putting my daughter to sleep. Fortunately, she was already feeling better, and I gave her a soft kiss on the forehead as a goodbye.

It was Lettie's turn, who was sleeping on the couch. Gently, I slid my arms to her back and legs and picked her up. Poor thing, she was exhausted and still had to work early the next day. The stress she went through with Naíma's vaccinations took her down so much that we weren't even able to train this weekend. As I put her to bed, I covered her and watched her for a while.

Oh, how my heart ached! Having to leave them there to stay away for another week. With my eyes burning with the pain that was now burning me mercilessly from the inside out, I left that bedroom as quickly as I could and took a sleeping Gohan home.

That night, lying on the bed in my bedroom at the Lookout, I had a vivid nightmare. In it, my Enemy showed me the bodies of Lettie and our children. Dead. And it was all my fault.

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, with my heart racing and my sheets soaked. Trembling, I took the Holy Water and drank half the jar.

But the voice of my Enemy would not leave my ears.

I put my head between my head and cried, bitterly.

How long will I have to endure such oppression?