31

030 - There's no place like home

By the time Jackie and I return to base, I can't call our little outing anything but productive. Sure, the whole point was to lure Illya into interacting with us and that kind of failed, that with her pulling a no-show again.

But the secondary goals have been met in a most satisfying way. Because I have money for things again. Not having Rin claiming most of our income as tithe is a really marvellous thing I'm going to have to make sure keeps happening after the War is over. Looking at our expenses since we joined high school, nobody would guess we once had the cash to fund the stealthy relocation of an entire Greek temple.

Finding actually usable reagents in a New Age shop was a bit of a surprise, but it probably shouldn't have been. Medea is very good at her trade, and anything can be used for witchcraft as long as you know how. Getting herbs and other materials that are usually hard to come by was always going to be useful, even if they're as magical as your average English teacher.

… I'll preemptively point out now how Taiga is anything but average.

There's also this distinct feeling that Medea would've been happy with common weeds and rusty iron filings, as long as I was the one buying it for her.

The bookstore I entered because Ecchan has almost run out of trash light novels to read and wanted to restock before she had the chance to get bored, but once there I couldn't resist picking up some picture books for Jackie too. I'm a bit curious about what Jackie's not-quite-conventional thought processes make out of children's tales. Heavens know half of them are deeply unsettling when read with the mindset of an adult.

… And I might have ulterior motives to want Jackie interested in nursery rhymes.

On the other hand, the hardcover Agatha Christie collection of mystery novels has been a bit of an impulse purchase. I just saw them there and remembered that Medusa has a weak spot for this sort of literature. Maybe they'll be useful in the near future, with some luck?

The sports store was just a social visit, actually. When one has a twin sister into sports and you're the one responsible for the household finances, befriending someone in the business is just common sense. Mr. Yamashiro is an alright guy, I don't mind listening to him rambling about his days of glory from time to time if it's going to get me a 20% discount the next time Haku has to replace her equipment.

Haku and Sakura now, I guess. She's kind of become my responsibility.

But the real prize was the confectionery supplies. What are the chances of stumbling into the place right as they get news of a patisserie that has just bankrupted and won't be able to pay for their last order? They sold me all that shit real cheap, just so it wouldn't rot in storage.

The black hole will be satisfied, so I decree!

Plus, Jackie seems to be in a great mood for some reason, she's been humming and skipping for a while now and she's even smiled at me once, before realizing what she was doing and hurriedly schooled her face into a frown. It was objectively adorable.

As I was saying, a productive outing. Still, I'm glad to be back. And not just because all these bags are actually kind of heavy.

"I'm home!" Home is where the heart is and– "Is that burnt flesh I'm smelling?"

"Alright, let's see if I got everything right." I rub the bridge of my nose. "You've been playing bait for a rapist little shit. A rapist little shit who holds the leash of a half-starved Servant."

As soon as Jackie and I arrived, Medea took us to the kitchen, where a nervous looking Haku explained what she's been up to in the evenings lately. I listened to the end without interrupting, but you could say her tale has left me… unenthused.

"I always had Ecchan with me!" She tries to defend herself, only realizing that she's accidentally confessed something else when I raise an unimpressed eyebrow. "I mean… Sorry for lying about it yesterday?"

I take a deep breath and slowly count to five before letting out a long-drawn sigh. Getting angry doesn't actually solve anything, no matter how tempting it is to throw some furniture through the window or finding an enclosed space to yell my frustration out. I already knew she was scheming behind my back, and I guess her actual intentions weren't all that hard to guess but… I'm still monumentally pissed that she risked herself like this.

"And what about Ayako? I thought you wanted to protect her?" I ask in the end, speaking maybe a bit more harshly than I actually intended. "How does parading her around the city for Shinji to target work in her favor?"

"She was already involved, Nii-san!" She protests again, a bit more heatedly. "I was protecting her!"

"You could've protected her just as well by inviting her to spend the evenings here with you." I snort, before my eyes narrow as a flash of inspiration hits me. I've been assuming this whole mess was because of Haku's half-baked plans, but what if things happened exactly as she planned? "You wanted Ayako to learn about the Moonlit World."

"S– she would've been attacked while getting back home instead!" Haku splutters, very tellingly not denying my accusation. "I was there to keep her safe. She's safe, I'm safe. Everyone is safe, see?"

"Medusa barely made it." I deadpan, making her flinch.

There's no forthcoming reply, and the silence stretches uncomfortably as Haku studiously examines the tip of her feet and refuses to look at anyone.

Jackie is sitting on a chair too tall for her, legs kicking happily as she enjoys her bowl of chocolate milk. Oh, I'm sure she's actually paying attention, but she hasn't made any effort to make her thoughts on the matter known. I suspect she just doesn't care.

Medea, on the other hand, makes very clear what she thinks of how I'm handling the situation with her unimpressed face. Great. Exactly what I was trying to achieve here.

… That was sarcasm.

"Alright… I'm not being fair with you." I continue after taking another deep breath and rubbing the sides of my head. "At the end of the day, you came back safely and protected everyone you set yourself to protect. Results are still important and you did a good job. But I'm not happy about you exposing yourself to danger like that and–"

"As much of a point as you have, Master... " Medea cuts me off for what I'm pretty sure is the first time ever. "People living in glass houses shouldn't be throwing stones."

"Ah, princess?" Shooting her a betrayed look, I hopelessly try to play dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"Nii-san?" Haku asks cheerfully, a sharp steely smile on her lips. Her eyes, which had brightened once I recognized her good work today, narrow in a way that doesn't really match her tone of voice. "Whatever does Medea mean with glass houses and stones?"

To my horror, Medea just rolls her eyes at my pleading look, pointing my way with the empty tea cup she's holding.

"Dear Master here, in his infinite wisdom, has been trying to bait your big sister into approaching him for days now."

"Little Big Sis?" Haku wonders out loud and, for a blissful, impossible moment, I allow myself to hope she'll somehow fail to connect the dot. But of course she does, letting out an indignant yelp as she hits the table with both hands. "Ah! That's why you've been leaving in the evenings!"

This is why I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. "Really, it wasn't as bad as it sounds."

"Nii-san. Little Big Sis is a dangerous magus in the warpath, fully intending to chop off your head and mount it on her fireplace. While keeping you alive through the process!"

"She's just feeling lonely!" I knew Haku would make a mountain out of a molehill. "She would've tried talking first and I would've never let things escalate from there."

"We both know that's not true! She's cray cray and won't listen until we make her!" Haku waves her hands around in what I can only assume is an attempt to make up for the baselessness of her point with drama. "Really, Nii-san. I love and respect you, but someone puts a cute face and a tragic backstory in front of you and all rational thinking flees your mind."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes, but only because that would only make the situation worse. What she's said is not true and she knows it. If I really was that sort of person I would've firebombed the Matou mansion years ago. I would've taken steps to protect Ayako on my own initiative. I would've tried my hand at getting Illya away from the Einzbern like Kiritsugu. I would've–!

… Shit, there's no point in thinking about all that.

"Don't worry, Haku-chan." Medea interrupts before I can think of something to say out loud. "That's exactly why Jackie has been keeping an eye on Master."

"Exact–! Wait, what?"

"Mommy didn't let us kill the pretty bitch in heat." Jackie adds distractedly, coming out of her chocolate milk with a positively adorable moustache I'm in no mental state to properly appreciate. "But we scared her real good!"

Temporarily ignoring Haku's undeservingly smug face, I alternate my gaze between the other two. Medea has knelt in front of Jackie and is washing up her face with a wet napkin while lavishing praise on her while the aforementioned seems to be on cloud nine at the attention she's receiving. They're in their own little world and neither seems particularly bothered by my staring.

So… Illya did try to confront me. And Jackie took exception.

"... Damnit. I should've expected this." I finally mutter defeatedly, leaning on the back of my seat. "You've been a step ahead of me all this time, haven't you?"

"I may have no intention of betraying you, Master." Medea answers with an amused smile on her lips. "But there's a reason I was called a Witch."

My Servant goes behind my back to keep me safe, my sister goes behind my back to do exactly the same thing I was trying to do behind hers. Is this a comedy series now? Did I get reincarnated in the wrong universe? At this point, the only thing I can do is count my blessings and accept the situation with elegance.

The situation is kind of amusing, when you take a step back and consider it as a whole. And watching Medea make jokes about that episode of her life without a hint of self-hate is a good thing no matter how you look at it.

I mean, I'm sure Illya isn't a happy camper right now, but she'll get over it. Heck even Medusa will be happy with how things worked out in the end, since it allowed her to reunite with Sakura sooner.

The only real victim today was Shinji, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I bemoan that. Of course, there's the fact that, without Shinji around to threaten the school, I'll have a hard time finding an excuse to entice Rin into joining my faction but… such is life.

With Medusa on our side now, I'm a bit leery of trying to get more Servants together before Medea has had a chance to examine the Greater Grail in depth. There's a good chance that the Apocrypha failsafe was ruined by Angra Mainyu's corruption, but that's not the sort of thing I can afford to assume without extensive research and solid proof.

It's only been three days since the War started proper and there's already four Servants on our side. Things have happened a bit faster than I hoped, in a direction I didn't expect. There's no harm in taking it easy for a bit, working on our foundation and making sure we don't overreach.

Still… who would've known? In the end, Shinji managed to bungle his way through the war without actually dying until he became a nonentity. I guess that Sakura will be happy, there's no reason to go after him now that he's been defanged and no longer poses a threat unless...

"Shit." … Unless he gets Gilgamesh and goes full UBW on Illya. "You said Shinji escaped, right?"

"I got that covered, Master." Medea answers with a smug smirk on her lips. "He's been trying to reach the Church for a while, but he seems to keep getting horribly lost along the way. Terribly clumsy of him, really."

There's a dangerous glint on Medea's eyes and suddenly the fact that Shinji's face is a dead ringer for Jason's seems awfully relevant. As I watch her grow distant and her smile sharpen, a shiver goes down my spine. She's no doubt focusing on whatever she's doing to keep Shinji away from the Church and I don't like the face she's making.

I need to get her out of that mind space before she does something that cannot be taken back.[Snake Tongue] don't fail me now, because the only other way to save Shinji's life I can see involves using Command Spells and, Sakura or no Sakura, I'm not sure I could bring myself to do that.

"I… See. As long as he can't reach the Church, he's not a threat to us. Can you redirect him here? More or less intact?" She arches a brow at my suggestion, obviously displeased by the prospect of not torturing the Jason lookalike to death. To think I was just mentioning how Medea seemed to be recovering from her own traumas… "A bit of stress relief along the way is warranted, I guess. But please remember that we don't want to actually kill him?"

"Actually…" It's Haku's turn to interrupt, a dainty finger running circles on her cup as she smiles coyly. "Medea was helping us scry on Shinji earlier, and Ecchan saw something she didn't like. At all."

"Eh?"

"Oh, yes. Ecchan got really protective of Haku-chan." Medea's mood seems to lift as she remembers whatever it is that I missed between Ecchan and them. Jackie squeals in delight as she gets lifted from her seat to be placed on Medea's lap instead. "She wouldn't hear about Shinji surviving this."

"You should've seen her, Nii-chan." Haku continues, her smile getting more and more mischievous by the second. "She sounded very cool."

"But Sakura…."

"Sakura-chan was with us." She presses on. "She's not happy about it, but she agreed with the need to deal with him."

"Sakura... did?" I feel a smile stretch my face as I process the fact. "Well, if not even Sakura is going to take his side anymore, I don't know what the hell I'm holding back for anymore."

Technically speaking, Shinji will never be not a threat to someone without some serious therapy. Or a traumatic experience that forces him to reevaluate life, like… dunno, getting forcibly turned into a Lesser Grail. But since Sakura somehow still loved his brother and he isn't a threat to us, I was willing to look the other way.

Sakura giving the go-ahead? That kind of changes everything. Has Christmas come early or something? Seems like I've been a good kid this year.

"Master? Does that mean I have… "

"Carte blanche. Go nuts. I want a recording."

"I see." She gets up giddily, placing Jackie on my own lap and planting a kiss on my cheek with a wide smile. "I'll be in my workshop if you need me, Master."

She actually skips on her way out. I might be enabling her worst habits here but, on the other hand, catharsis is a thing. Eh… I'm no psychologist, so I can only do my best. And with 'my best' I mean her. And with 'doing' I mean sex. Lots and lots of loving sex in missionary position while holding hands.

Granted, reproductive purposes are a bit out of reach for now, but one problem at a time.

I look down to my lap, where Jackie is looking at me with a slightly bewildered look, as if not completely sure what just happened, but refusing to admit weakness by asking. After trying to think of something to tell her and drawing a blank, I shrug and start petting her head.

"... Anyway, how are our guests?"

"Ayako is a bit shaken by all this, but she's trying to tough it out." As if summoned by our conversation, a frustrated yell makes itself heard from the living room. "She's baited Ecchan into a Mario Kart game, and I think she's starting to regret her life choices."

"…Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Medusa is fine." Haku continues softly. "Better than fine now that she's back with her real master, actually. Sure, Ecchan went hard and rough on her and she's still sore but…"

"She's with Sakura, right?" At Haku's nod, an amused snort escapes my lips. "That's bound to do it for her."

It always surprised me on the original material, how utterly devoted Medusa was to Sakura. A single-minded focus on her that can only be called an obsession. Still, Sakura needs someone to devote themselves to her, and Medusa needs someone to devote herself to, so it all works out for the best.

"Yup, they're catching up. Gonna join them?"

"I don't think I'd be very welcome right now. Plus I wanted to bake something." And hopefully get my mind off the emotional rollercoaster this conversation has been. "I was thinking about cookies. Want to give me a hand, Haku?"

"Do I?" Haku's face brightens up at my proposal. "I'll get the tools ready, you measure the ingredients?"

I can only smile at her reaction. We allow ourselves to forget it sometimes, but we didn't always compete for kitchen rights. Before sexual tensions were even a thing, before Haku recovered enough from the fire to have a proper personality, cooking and baking was already a way for us to bond.

We would stand right beside each other, sharing space in a kitchen that felt much bigger than it does nowadays, working in companionable silence to prepare something actually edible for the household.

Bless Kiritsugu, but the man had no idea how to raise kids, and was especially dangerous in the kitchen.

"Can we help?" Jackie blurts out from my lap, surprising everyone. Herself included, I suspect. "Mommy is busy and we don't want to be a pest."

"Well… I might need help measuring everything." I drawl, trading an amused look with Haku. "And later on we'll need a taste-tester for the dough."

"We can do that!"

And that's how Jack the Ripper's first bakery lesson began. She took it very seriously and it certainly wasn't her fault that we couldn't find an apron that fit properly or that a stool was required for her to reach the scales. She certainly wasn't the one who got distracted watching the adorable tiny assistant patissier, tripped on a corner of the table and ended up dropping a bag of flour on the floor.

I'm not letting Haku live this one down.