Chapter one: Being alive

James Goldman used to be a weird man to say the least.

He did the most to try to fit in where he obviously wouldn't

He tried so hard and he did his best to forget about the instances where he heard voices, where he saw stuff that was never there, when his thoughts got seemingly out of control in weird ways and he starts to think that maybe the point of life is to achieve something greater.

But if he one thing took from his parents' teachings was to be normal, to follow the norm, as those who go against it rarely are the ones who become great.

And that was always his core, be great.

But look at him now.

Dead.

At the measly age of 47 of a fucking heart attack, dying before his parents could.

But he couldn't feel rage.

Well he couldn't feel anything actually, or even think.

He was stuck in what seemed to be a paradox of living and being stuck in the nothingness without even your mind to keep you company.

But suddenly it seemed almost as if death got bored of him and he opened his eyes.

Wait, eyes?

James rose up quickly from his bed staring at an almost empty room, just a bed and a dresser.

He quickly took a breath and….

Coughed.

It felt weird, to breathe, to think.

Oh my god he was thinking, he was given another shot, another chance.

He stood up from the bed to realize that, yep he was small, he looked to his hands and found them to be child-like but he had no idea what age he now was.

Who he was.

James laid down on the bed again and tried to think.

He was alive, it felt weird to be, hell it was actually a little traumatizing to be alive again.

Did he kill the person who was in this body?

He didn't get an actual choice so he left that to whoever did this to him to get the blame.

Suddenly tears started to appear in his eyes as he realized two simple facts.

He had died, and he was in fact not god.

The misery started to spread all over his body as he thought and tried to reminisce on all the life he had before, the life he left behind unwillingly, his husband.

All of it was quickly making his breath also start to shorten up being way more closed with one another.

He gripped his hair hard as he sobbed uncontrollably and he didn't know what he hated more, this idea of him having left so much behind or that there probably was an entity or something that pulls the string and unfortunately is not him.

He began to rock his body back and forth while being in a fetal position trying to calm himself, but whatever he did, his mind seemed to only get more clouded with grief and the space between his breaths became shorter and shorter.

For a last ditch effort he closed his eyes and tried to focus on the darkness.

And somehow, in that darkness he found comfort, he found solace and peace.

His breathing slowly got better and so did his grief and as he opened his eyes he realized one more thing, he was floating

As soon as he realized that his levitation stopped working and he fell back on his bed.

James looked everywhere, trying to see if it was anyone messing with him, but there was something in his head that once again whispered to him, it told him in that haunting little voice.

"You are special, you did this yourself"

More questions started to appear in his mind like 'how did I do this?' 'Would I be able to do it again?'

He was so distracted in his own mind that he didn't notice the footsteps of somebody about to enter his room until the door swung open and a worried looking woman looked at him.

She seemed to be in her early fifties with some long brown hair with white sticking out from the roots, she walked in a calmly manner and sat on his bed.

"Connor, are you ok? I heard you falling"

Connor, huh that seemed to be his new name.

Connor looked at the lady and as best as he could he put on his best acting performance.

"I fell from the bed miss, I´m alright"

The matron looked at him, and just assumed that the sore and red eyes must have been from crying from the fall.

"Do you want me to call you a doctor?"

And now Connor was facing a huge dilemma, should he admit to memory loss or just improvised the best he could.

He took a second to look around the room, seeing the not so well painted walls and the almost broken floor he could make some assumptions he could only hope he was right on.

"I wouldn't want to make you pay anything else"

"Tell me Connor, was it one of the bad dreams" The lady said with a british accent.

And that's when he realized, he was fucked, how was he supposed to know what one of the bad dreams was, what kind of nightmares did the kid had.

It seemed like silence was enough of an answer for her to take it as a yes.

She slowly put a hand on his knee and let it rest there while looking calmly and with sympathy into his eyes.

"Connor is hard to lose your parents, and you're gonna have some dreams like that, but you ought to remember that you are stronger and that those are dreams and that the orphanage is always gonna be there for you"

Connor was amazed at the tact of the woman but couldn't she bring him one good notice, first he lost his parents, and he could assume pretty recently, also he lives in a orphanage and lastly he probably had no family left.

Connor could feel his eyes water a bit.

The lady smiled

"And hey I might be old, but old Monica is going nowhere when you need to chat about anything" Monica said with a little bit of a laugh that made him break a little smile.

"Get dressed and come have breakfast, I'm sure you are hungry."

And after coming from the dead, and almost having a panic attack she sure was right, he was really hungry.

PS: Also a short chapter, should I make them longer? I like putting them out as fast as posible but if any of you want me to make them longer just comment that