We Deserved Better

I place the last stone and stand back up, I take some wild flowers and throw them over the 2 tombs before bowing down as one last parting.

One tear falls down my cheeks and a strong wind comes to capture it, moving my hair to the side. My fists tight enough for my knuckles to turn white... I was meant to burn the corpses, or what was left of those, along the others for safety reasons, but I couldn't bear to do it. It's selfish of me, many others have lost friends in this war and yet had to see them turn into ashes... But I broke the rules in my favor.

I crouch down and lay an hand over the piled up stones -I'm sorry... But I have to let go of you now. You both deserved better than this, every single one of us deserved better- I murmur and just like that I allow the ground to open a bit and engulf the tombs -You served us well, I'll remember how you fought and protected the country untill your last breath. May your names stay along the heroes... This is the last time we'll see eachother. Goodbye Nan, goodbye Uncle Zao Lao...- I step back and soon after the ground lays still as if nothing happened to begin with.

I stay still for many minutes, maybe hours... Watching that spot and giving it fault, why is the ground so normal? Shouldn't it look like someone just died here? If someone was to pass by here they wouldn't be able to tell someone was buried here, is it really ok to not grieve desperately? Since I cannot allow myself to celebrate them and live out their pain, can't there be a trace left behind?!

But this is all nonsense, just a stupid way of thinking.

I come back to my senses and notice an approaching presence, one for which I feel a lot of hate for -I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Ying- he says. I look to the ground with a dark expression -Did you at least feel the joy you longed for in seeing us all die?- he tilts his head to the side, confused -Joy?- I still refuse to look him in the eyes -We fight in vain and we die in vain, nobody gains nothing from it. Even if it's a wicked reason, at least someone should feel something from all of this... You and those on your side, you all must be laughing and cheering with wine at our deaths-

His steps become slow and soft as he approached me -I don't feel any sort of delight in death, I wish we could avoid all this- he reaches one hand to grab mine but I move mine away disgusted -Stay away!- I scream, still looking at the ground.

I can feel his eyes on me, pitying me in a way that make me want to just erase his existence -I emphasize with you, Miss Ying, you have no idea how much. I hate that peoples get punished or killed in the stead of others, I hate that some are treated harshly for circumstances of whom they are not responsible... I too was like you one day, full of hope and bottled up rage. Thinking that I would change it all, but to achieve such goals you need to pass through hell-

-You're talking as of you were some kind of compassionate man who got betrayed by his loved ones, I could almost believe you- His eyes turns gold, the begins switching between green and gold, but I'm not able to mind it now -Hell... Why? Can't we just work for a better world?- I ask eventually -Yes, but it's impossible for how it is now...- -You don't make any sense right now- I turn around and walk away, but he begins to follow me -Now I don't, but you will eventually understand one day... You are already experiencing it yourself, just think about the war... To protect the country, all of these men have to fight and die on a battlefield. Human nature is cruel-

At those words I stop -Are you saying that as long as humans exists, the world will be like this? That the only way to achieve fairness would be to kill everyone? But then what will be left behind? Animals? Ghosts? Maybe Gods? Are Gods more rightful anyway?- he reaches an hand over my shoulder -Are these the thoughts that have been troubling you?- his voice sounds hopeful and I hate it...

Nevermind all this useless talking, he's just trying to insinuate doubts inside my mind again. Afterall, if he was really on my side he wouldn't have drugged me and almost got me in jail.

He turns me around and drags me into and hug, but I thrust my sword in his abdomen at the same time. Yet he doesn't let go and simply tighten his grip on me, settling his head against my neck while blood drips down my blade passing through him -You lost someone you cherish today, feel that pain. It's an injustice, isn't it? Allow the pain to take over you and push you further, forget all about happiness and focus on your anger. Your desire for revenge that have been building up since you day you were born, you wanted to prove yourself and show those pushing down how much more worthy you were of them.

You wanted to jail or even kill those hurting others, you want to take the head of whoever started this war don't you? You want their blood to run down and paint the world red, then this rage will help you achieve that. Hatred is your fuel. If you think you deserve better, the you shall work to earn that "better" you so desire... You can't give up now- I try to push him away, this person beside me is suffocating, talking about things that are ture with no rights to do so, he doesn't know my past yet it feels like he actually does -Miss Ying, you have the ability to make the Gods kneel at your feet... You just don't know that yet- he murmurs with a smirk and finally let's go.

He takes the blade out of his body with bare hands and there's it one the ground beside me -I'll see you back at the camp, " Ying TongJun"-.

I crouch down and seat, looking at the clean iron of my sword. His words are poison and I know that, but yet why does he always manage to say that one thing which lingers in my head? Is he really emphasizing with me, meaning that something good is left in him or... Am I actually a villain myself deep down and that's the reason why we have similar thoughts?

I don't know... But I came to the conclusion that thinking is useless. I'll just fight.