Embarrassing Alfonzo

Earth Land, Ishgar, Kingdom of Fiore, Magnolia.

September, x784.

Around sun set of the same day Laxus and the Thunder God Tribe returned to Magnolia, Alfonzo, Elicia, Cana, Ultear, and Erza also returned to the town. Though, instead of walking, they were riding in style in the Escalade.

"It's only been three days, but it feels like we've been gone for a really long time." Ultear said as she looked at Magnolia through the windows of the Escalade.

"Yeah." Cana replied with a nod while taking a sip from a bottle of ale. "It's because of the crazy stuff that happened while we were on 'Vacation'."

As Cana said the last part, she used her free hand to make air quotes.

"Still, it was good that the Tower of Heaven was destroyed." Elicia said with a smile. "Not having that hovering over our heads is a really good feeling."

"Agreed." Erza chimed in. "And knowing that my old friends are safe and sound is a blessing as well."

To that all the passengers in the Escalade nodded their heads in agreement.

"*Sigh* Even so, I feel like I need another vacation to recover from this vacation." Alfonzo said as he watched the road while driving through the town. "I mean, other than the first day, we didn't really relax at all."

Once again, all the passengers nodded in agreement.

"And we definitely won't get the chance to now that we're back." Alfonzo continued. "In a little more than two weeks, it will be time for the Harvest Festival."

"Yeah, which means we'll have to prepare for the Fantasia Parade, too." Ultear added.

"But those events are so much fun." Erza said, not understanding why the others would not see that time as relaxing.

"Yeah, it's fun for the people who don't actually have to work." Elicia said in a jesting tone. "But for those of us who break everything they touch; they get the chance to relax."

Immediately, Cana and Erza's cheeks reddened after Elicia's comment while they both turned their heads away simultaneously.

"Yeah, the only thing you two will have to worry about is preparing your performances for the parade." Ultear added. "The rest of us, on the other hand, will have to build floats and coordinate the performances."

"I overheard Gramps and Ur talking about one thing that will be different this year, though." Elicia said excitedly.

That was enough to gain the attention of everyone in the car.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense, Lici." Cana said, sounding a bit impatient. "Just spit it out already."

"Okay, okay." Elicia said, raising her hands disarmingly. "I heard them talking about having a beauty pageant with the girls from the guild as the contestants."

With that, Cana, Ultear, and Erza's interest spiked visibly. Alfonzo, on the other hand, had no visible reaction.

"Why do you look so blasé about this, Alfonzo?" Ultear asked after checking Alfonzo's reaction from her spot in the front passenger seat.

"Because I already knew about it." Alfonzo' replied calmly. "I've known for about a month already."

"And you didn't think to tell any of us?" Cana asked.

"It was supposed to be a secret until the first of October." Alfonzo replied. "But I guess Lici found out early somehow."

In reality, Alfonzo and Elicia both knew about the Miss Fairy Tail pageant that was supposed to take place on the day of the Harvest Festival thanks to their meta knowledge. However, since neither of them had any proof, they had always kept it to themselves.

"How did you find out about this, Elicia?" Erza asked curiously. "You were not snooping around in something you shouldn't have been, were you?"

To that, Elicia looked visibly offended. Though, everyone in the car knew her well enough to tell that she was just playing around.

"Erza, you wound me." Elicia said in a theatrical tone. "Why would you ever suggest that I would do something like that."

"Probably because of the way you like to watch things others would rather keep to themselves." Cana said, answering in Erza's stead.

"Well… When you put it that way…" Elicia replied with a shrug.

That was enough to get a chuckle from everyone in the car.

"but seriously, how did you find out about it?" Ultear asked, bringing the conversation back on topic.

"Oh, I heard Gramps talking about it with your mom, Ultear." Elicia replied with a smile. "It was a few days before we finished the new guild hall. After a long day, Gramps and Ur were drinking at the bar by candlelight. And Gramps was trying to convince your mom to participate. Saying stuff about how a MILF or two would be enough to turn this beauty pageant from something fun into something legendary."

During the last part, Elicia did her best to mimic Makarov's voice and tone, which caused everyone else in the car to sigh in exasperation.

"And how did my mom react?" Ultear asked in a tired tone.

"Well, she said she was not interested." Elicia replied. "But from the look on her face, that could not have been further from the truth. If I had to guess, she just didn't wanna be the only older woman to participate. But I bet she would jump right in if Ren decided to participate, too."

"*Sigh* That really sounds like mom." Ultear replied while shaking her head. "No matter what she says, after getting out of her depression, she likes to be in the middle of anything fun. On top of that, although she's not as bad as Gray, she likes to take her clothes off as often as possible."

To that, Alfonzo shuddered momentarily. Something that the girls did not miss.

"Fonzie, what's wrong?" Cana asked curiously.

"Nothing." Alfonzo replied bluntly, gaining a laugh from Ultear.

"He's just embarrassed." Ultear replied after her laughter died down. "Maybe a little scared, too."

"Oh, now I have to hear this story." Cana said, leaning between the two front seats with interest flashing in her eyes.

"It's not that big a deal." Alfonzo said, trying to downplay the situation.

"I think you should let us be the judges, Fonzie." Elicia said, stroking Alfonzo's left cheek from the back seat.

For the next minute or so, Alfonzo tried to dissuade the girls from caring about Ultear's story, to no avail. So, around the time the Escalade pulled onto the path leading to the guild hall, Ultear started her story.

On a side note, one of the girls would pinch Alfonzo's waist whenever he tried speeding up so that Ultear would have to stop telling the story when they arrived at the guild hall.

"Anyway, it happened earlier this year… In February, I think, right after Alfonzo and I completed a quest to bust some magic power enhancing drug runners." Ultear said, starting her story. "When we got back in town, I remembered that mom wanted me to come by right away. Something about having a gift for me."

"What was the gift?" Cana asked curiously.

"It was something that would help me work on lowering the temperature of my [Ice Magic]." Ultear replied. "Anyway, so instead of going straight to the guild hall to report on our quest, we decided to stop at Mom's house first."

By now, all the girls were listening with rapt attention while Alfonzo looked really uncomfortable.

"I had sent a message back to Magnolia, telling Mom that we should be arriving that day, but I didn't say when." Ultear continued. "So, it was unsurprising that Mom wasn't ready to see any guests. Anyway, when we arrived at Mom's house, I used my key to open the door instead of knocking, like I always do. And… Well… Alfonzo ended up seeing something.. or rather… some things that he wasn't expecting to."

"What do you mean?" Erza asked, fully invested in the story by now.

"Well, Mom was sitting on the couch in her living room with her legs crossed while sipping from a glass of wine." Ultear replied, trying to suppress a giggle.

"What's wrong with that?" Cana asked curiously. "There's nothing weird about relaxing with a glass of wine, right?"

While Cana was a little confused by the story so far and Erza was simply listening with interest, Elicia had put two and two together after thinking about what Ultear said before she started telling the story. And just like Ultear, she was trying to suppress a giggle.

"Well, the issue is that Mom was completely naked." Ultear replied. "Like, not wearing a single thread. And everything… and when I say everything, I mean everything… was on full display from the angle that we first saw her."

Immediately after Ultear's explanation, the girls burst into loud, uncontrolled laughter. Still, even through her laughter, Ultear continued her story. Meanwhile, Alfonzo was looking ahead blankly, his body on autopilot as he drove to the guild hall.

"What made it even worse… Haha! Was the fact.. Ha! That.." Ultear said, struggling to continue. "Alfonzo.. Hahahaha! Alfonzo… Hahaha! He… Hahaha! Got hard when he… Hahaha! Saw her… Hahahaha! I mean, his bulge was so big!"

"I'm a man, god damn it." Alfonzo muttered quietly. "And Ur is fucking gorgeous. I mean, look at Ultear, where do you think she got it from? It was a normal fucking reaction…"

With that, the laughter in the car raised to another level. Still, while grasping Alfonzo's right hand lovingly, clearly happy about the compliment, Ultear was not finished with her verbal assassination.

"And because Mom had been drinking… Hahaha!" Ultear said as she brought her story to a close. "She… Hahaha! Tried to freeze it off! Oh~ My~ God~! You should have seen Alfonzo running around to get away. On top of that, Mom didn't even stop to put on some clothes before she started chasing him around!"

"And because of that, I couldn't even really run away." Alfonzo continued to complain. "If I had run outside, that crazy woman would have chased after me without clothes on and showed all her goodies to the whole town. So, I had to somehow keep my little buddy safe while not going outside."

By now, the girls were laughing so hard that Alfonzo would not have been surprised if any of them passed out due to oxygen deprivation. But the laughter did eventually die down, with the girls giggling occasionally by the time they reached the front of the guild hall.

"Are you four done laughing at my misfortune yet?" Alfonzo asked as he turned off the Escalade's engine.

"Oh, don't act like you didn't get something good out of it." Cana replied while still giggling. "You got to see the naked body of one of the world's hottest moms."

"Yeah, but it wasn't worth almost losing my dick to frostbite." Alfonzo debated.

"But you didn't lose it." Elicia replied before licking her lips. "We all know that very well. So, isn't it fine?"

"*Sigh* You women would never understand." Alfonzo said while shaking his head before he opened his car door and climbed out of the escalade.

Giggling a little more at Alfonzo's forlorn expression, the girls followed him out of the Escalade and the five made their way to the guild hall's front doors.

As they arrived in front of the doors, they slid open just as Alfonzo designed them to. However, when they saw Laxus, Bickslow, Fried, and Evergreen stomping out of the guild hall after the doors opened, they were surprised.

And when they saw the expression on Laxus' face, Alfonzo and Elicia both sighed internally.

'I guess the battle of Fairy Tail arc is going to happen in this timeline, too.' Elicia thought to herself as she watched Laxus and the Thunder God Tribe approach. 'Laxus had calmed down so much over the last few years. I wonder what set him off this time?'

"I can see it in his eyes, Laxus is ready to do something stupid.' Alfonzo thought as he made eye contact with Laxus. 'I just hope it's not something stupid enough to get him kicked out of the guild. Having him around in Edolas would be helpful.'

Meanwhile, Laxus and the Thunder God Tribe did not even slow down when they saw Alfonzo and the girls. In fact, until they passed each other, Laxus held eye contact with Alfonzo. And without a word of provocation, Laxus and his entourage simply walked away.

"I guess Laxus is back." Cana said in a discontent tone. "Where was he when we were being attacked by Phantom Lord?"

"There's no point dwelling on it now." Erza said, also sounding a bit unhappy, while watching the four older wizards walk away. "What's done is done."

"Erza's right." Ultear added. "We should just go inside and report what happened with the Tower of Heaven to Master."

"Yeah, Ultear's right." Elicia replied with a nod. "Besides, it's not like Laxus having his panties in a bunch is anything new, anyway."

With that, the four walked into the guild hall, heading straight for the elevators as they greeted their friends along the way.

"I just hope he mellows out soon." Alfonzo muttered. "I get the feeling Gramps is gonna try and push the next guild master position onto me. And I definitely don't want that shit. I mean, how am I supposed to go out on quests if I'm the guild Master?"

'Plus,' Afonzo continued internally, 'guild masters can't participate in the Grand Magic Games.'