By Your Side

Groaning heavily, Esau slowly opened his eyes, feeling strangely comfortable and at ease as he lay against the floor, it cushiony and holding a familiar scent that made him want to just fall asleep. Yet, it was that strange feeling that made Esau open his eyes fully as he shot up, looking around the living room where he now found himself.

Immediately, he recognised it.

Why wouldn't he?

It was the place he had grown up in as a kid, the living room filled with so many memories that just being there made his heart tighten in his chest. 'I'm back.' Esau thought to himself looking out the window, unlike where the bustling city of Gotham City should be, instead there was a calm and tranquil forest of greenery. 'Damnit!'

He did not want to be back here, not after what had happened last time.

That strange fox, the Kitsune, the one who claimed to be his 'Guardian' and yet wished to kill all those close to him out of some misguided, obsessive desire to protect him from danger, this was where it would be. Esau did not want to run into that creature again, not when he got the sense that escaping as he had, something Esau still had no clue how he managed to accomplish, would be next to impossible.

Sighing, Esau ran his hands through his hair as he got up from the sofa he had been sitting comfortably on, taking a moment to take another look around the room. It was just as he remembered and as he moved into the kitchen-dinning room, that too looked just as he remembered from his memories, even the damp stain in the roof corner.

Continuing his walk around the house, Esau avoided the door like the plague and instead headed straight upstairs, opening every door and looking inside each room till he came to the last one. It was his old room and as he entered inside, Esau smiled sadly as he looked upon it, the toys were strewn around, leaning down to pick up a toy car as he moved towards the bed and sat down.

Yet, as he sat there, finger-spinning one of the wheels absentmindedly, Esau realised that just as this was his room, he felt like a stranger as he sat here. This was the room he had grown up in, slept in this very bed and played with these toys, could vividly remember those moments like they were yesterday even though they pained him and yet, he felt out of place.

This was his room and yet, it wasn't anymore.

"Strange, is it not?" Spinning around, Esau shot to his feet, quickly slipping into a defensive stance as he stared upon the figure of the nine-tailed fox resting lazily upon the windowsill. The window was closed shut, it simply perched upon the ledge outside, but Esau doubted very much that the flimsy glass between him and it would be able to keep it out if it tried to get inside. "You can relax, Esau, I have no intention of harming you nor will I ever hold such intentions."

"I doubt that." Esau snapped, narrowing his eyes cautiously, evening his breathing as his gaze moved over his surroundings, trying to look for anything he could use against it in the fight. "You seemed pretty eager for a fight last time we met."

"An error on my part." It replied calmly, just resting there upon its paws, gaze following Esau as he cautiously shifted towards the bedroom door, ready to make a quick exit if need be. "I should have known better than to threaten your friends, knowing how protective of them you are, it was an oversight."

Esau frowned, picking up one thing absent from that statement. "Yet you're not sorry about it."

The silence spoke volumes and Esau grew tenser, frown deepening. "...You do not need to stand there ready to make a quick exit. I cannot enter this place without your permission." It explained, jaw opening in a long yawn, though no sound came from it.

"How so?" Esau didn't lower his guard for even a second.

"This house, your house, it is your fortress, your safe zone. It is the one part of your mind that I cannot enter freely without permission. I am a resident here, this is the locked door that I hold no key to. A control room that I am not authorised to enter." The Kitsune explained. "Whatever analogy you wish to think of, but know I cannot enter even if I were to use all my strength."

"But the forest outside?"

"As I said, this house is the one area I cannot enter."

There was a pause, Esau's gaze flickering around the room for a moment before slowly lowering his guard, but he never once moved from his position by the door, constantly alert and ready. "Why is it like that?" Esau wondered. "Outside, it was like Gotham City when I first came here and then when I came outside, it was like that, a forest. Why was that?"

"I do not know. For as long as I can remember, this place has always been like this, then for a brief moment as you arrived, it became as you described, like Gotham City." The Kitsune said, gaze turning from Esau and looking out over the forest. "It is all of your trauma, your suppressed memories and feelings, everything you have ever tried to forget, festering and growing into the forest that you see before you. I have watched it grow before my eyes."

Esau went silent for a moment. "I wonder what it was like before?" He wondered quietly aloud and the Kitsune turned back to him.

"I wonder the same also." Its tone was just as whimsical as his own and Esau rose a brow.

"Surely you should know what it was like before. You have been with me since the beginning, seen my journey as a child all the way to now." Esau pointed out. "Surely you knew what my mind looked like before this."

The Kitsune frowned. "I only came to life after the death of your mother." That statement only confused Esau further because if that was true, the being was no older than seven years old at the most, yet it spoke and acted far more ancient. "I have watched every memory, relived them within the forest outside constantly. While you were safe in here, I was trapped out there with everything you have ever tried to forget. I long for the days your memories of sadness intertwine with moments of happiness."

"So, you haven't truly been by my side since the beginning?" It hadn't meant to be a verbal attack, but the Kitsune reacted as if it had been physically wounded by those words.

"I have been by your side since the beginning!" It argued desperately. "I have been with you since the day of your birth! Even longer than that even! I am the only one that has been by your side! Been on your side from the beginning!"

Esau didn't know what to think of that, finding himself only more confused by what he had been told.

"I was born the moment our mother died! I was there as you cried and I cried by your side! I was there when Wilfred taught you to steal, learning by your side! I was there when Black Mask took you to the Underground Fighting Rings, but..." That part seemed to be difficult for the Kitsune to get out. "But-but I wasn't able to be by your side then. I have learnt as you have learnt. But I have not fought as you have fought. I have not been able to protect you as you fought for your life."

Its voice went quiet and Esau gave it just a moment to gather itself.

"Our mother?" Yet even though he had heard everything the Kitsune had said, Esau had focused on only that part.

"Yes, Joan. She" The name of his mother coming from the Kitsune made Esau tense, fists clenching down by his side, something it recognised. "She...I am you Esau. It answered, choosing to not pursue that avenue upon seeing his reaction.

"Me?"

"Yes." It continued. "But not at the same time."

"You're not making any sense!" Esau snapped angrily. "How can you be me but not!"

"I don't know." That answer only served to frustrate Esau further. "I am you Esau, I know that deep down. Yet, there are things about us, things that make us different despite being the same person. I cannot explain it further than that because not even I know the answer."

"Then what are you?" Esau retorted.

The Kitsune didn't even hesitate to answer that. "I do not need to know the answer to that as I have already found my own answer. I am your protector, your guardian."

Esau didn't like the sound of that, reminded once more of the time in which it threatened his friends and recently showed no remorse over having done so. It was quite clear to him that whatever this was, it was dangerous and while it seemed to think it had his best interests at heart, it was clearly obsessed to an insane degree.

'Which actually would explain why it's so crazy if it's from Gotham like me.'

"When Black Mask forced you to fight in those fights and I could not be by your side, it broke me." The Kitsune told him, the multitude of emotions in its voice clear to hear, anger a growing one. "I watched every fight you ever fought, I cursed your opponents and cheered you on. I mourned your losses and wished for nothing more than to fight by your side as I had from the moment I was born. Yet I was trapped here, helpless to do anything about it, helpless to protect you and I have been that way ever since. Until now."

"What do you mean?" It was a reflexive question, born from trepidation as Esau already had an idea of what he meant.

"Cadmus." The Kitsune stated simply, confirming Esau's theory.

"And now what? You want to kill my friends and the only people I have left in the world?" Esau pressed. "Hardly much of a protector then?"

"I have watched you for a long time-"

"Yeah, you've said."

The Kitsune didn't react. "And I know that you will do anything to protect the people you love. But, the more you fight, the stronger you become and the stronger you become, the more danger you are exposed to. When your mother died, you were forced to fend for yourself and in doing so, became exposed to the dangers of Gotham. Yet even that was only the beginning, nothing more than the surface that hides a much more dangerous depth and when you became Black Hood, you delved deeper, discovering more dangers than you ever imagined."

Esau knew exactly what it was talking about.

When he had been Black Hood, the biggest problem Esau had faced was not the lack of resources nor the lack of training, those had been problems for sure, but not the main one. No, the biggest problem Esau had faced had been a lack of knowledge and understanding of what Gotham's underworld was really like. He knew only what the rest of Gotham was allowed to see and a little bit extra, yet even that was only scratching the surface of what was really going on.

Being Black Hood forced him to open his eyes to the truth and ever since then, it had been impossible to ignore.

"Yet just as becoming Black Hood opened your eyes to the truth of Gotham that you can never ignore, it was only the beginning." The Kitsune ranted, its anger only continuing to grow. "For as you got stronger and stronger, gradually turning from prey into predator, you continued to delve deeper and deeper until once more, you went too deep. Accepting Deathstroke's offer changed everything and you were exposed to a world even vaster and more dangerous than ever before. Once more, you are prey and this time in a world of Gods and Monsters that you can never hope to match."

"Yet you can?"

"I can."

Esau frowned. "Then give me that power.

"That would defeat the purpose of my duty." The Kitsune refuted.

"A duty you gave yourself. One I never asked you to take."

"You did not need to." The Kitsune could not be dissuaded. "I alone possess the power to remove all the threats from your path, let me free and once I am done, you shall be able to live in a world without fear of ever being in danger."

"Yet I will be alone." Esau shook his head. "No, I won't ever let you free. Now, give me that power and I'll handle the rest myself as I have done from the beginning."

Once more, the Kitsune looked to physically recoil at that statement. "...I will not."

"You've done it in the past." Esau spoke, thinking back to the times that he had spent meditating and sparring against Connor and Kaldur. "Why's this any different?"

There was no reply.

"Give me the power I seek and I'll handle all the threats myself."

"...It's not that simple."

Esau scowled. "Then what do I have to do to gain control of them?" He was tired of not having any control over them and as much as he felt happy for Connor and all the others who were improving, Esau was growing frustrated at seeing that gap widen between them, Kaldur and Connor only seeming to get stronger while he stagnated.

"...You would not be able to accomplish what you seek."

"And why the fuck not?"

"You have lost the killer instinct."

A simple statement that left Esau speechless for only a moment before his anger came back in full force.

"The fuck do you mean by that?" Esau shouted. "I've gotten more skilled than I ever was before, every spar with Kaldur and Connor, all the sessions with Black Canary. I have continued to improve and grow stronger, I'm reaching a limit, but I am not weaker just because I lack the willingness to kill."

"It is not that you are weaker." The Kitsune answered. "But just as you have learnt from your teammates and the likes of Black Canary, so have I. Just as you learnt from Deathstroke, Talon, and your opponents, so have I? There is no difference between you and me in terms of skill, the only difference is I am willing to kill and you are not."

"And you would be able to kill me?" Esau scoffed. "You expect me to believe that after what you just told me?"

"You cannot die in your mind." The Kitsune answered. "So, I will not need to hold back against you nor would I ever do so."

"..." Esau paused for a moment, just staring at the Kitsune who stared back before scoffing once more. "You know, you're right about one thing. We're different after all." It looked at him in confusion, tilting its head to one side. "Unlike you, I've never run from a fight."

That seemed to spark something, anger and unlike before, this anger was directed right at Esau for the first time and he felt a chill roll down his spine. "Very well then." The Kitsune growled, rising onto its feet, nine tails waving furiously, behind it. "I'll let you fight me for control of my powers. But know this, you will never be able to gain them."

"We'll see about that."