Disaster

Kobi after having nearly brought the dead Queen to life had finally felt satisfied and advanced to the first floor while, to kill the boredom, emptying out the experience bar and checking out new skills.

As Shik had told him earlier, dungeon rolled skills were permanent in the dungeon they were rolled in, hence, even after clearing it, he still had the skills within the dungeon's boundary.

He thought it would be nice to check up on new skills on the off chance he ended up seeing them again.

After doing that, he advanced to the first floor and laid down.

Finally giving Shik, who had been shunned numerous time, the time to speak up.

"Alright, you sucker! Time for your dungeon clearing reward." Shik smiled and waved his hand.

Instantly, three varying colored boxes appeared in front of him supporting question marks alongside a white blank box.

Shik straightened his clothes, giving a fine businessman aura, before explaining.

"Corresponding to this dungeons difficult! You rewards are as such." Shik pointed toward the three colorful boxes.

"You can choose either one or these boxes which contain a specific item." And then pointed at the blank white box, "Or choose one of the skills you acquired in this dungeon... randomly!"

Kobi's eyes shot up, "Oi, oi! Shouldn't it be like... all three colorful boxes or a single box with chances of getting a powerful skill?" A frown decorated his face, "Take away this boogers and give me my heavenly dun– ahem, give me my earnest, hard earned reward!"

Shik chuckled, "Sure! I can take them back! Just that... you won't be getting anything else either." Suddenly, his expression enlightened, "But I can offer you some dung... as you were about to say."

Kobi gritted his teeth, "Fuck! Too vulgar! How dare you pollute my noble ears with your vile tongue? Fuck you! Have your mother not taught you manners? Now look, my pure ears, who have never heard the c of curses, are bleeding so profusely!

"Don't you know I am pure? I am earnest! I never curse! Hence my ears are sensitive to such vulgarities. When I speak faries come to listen, mistaking it for the words of angels! When I stand in front of enemies, my eneki3s turn tail and hide from the purity of my innocence. Heck! I dare say devils melt in my presence... yet you dare slander my like this! Serious offence! This is a serious offence!!"

Shik grounded his teeth. This sucker was pure? This sucker was earnest? When he spoke fairies mistook it for the words of angel? And devils melted in his prescene? Shit! Too shameless! He was too shameless!

Kobi rubbed his chin solemnly while musing, "According to the omnipotent Special Kobi Laws, such offence will have you stripped nude and hung for fifty centuries. Condemned even my devils so don't mention angels, and humiliated as the pig who butchered its own self!" Kobi nodded his head in all seriousness.

"But," His expression bloomed like a lily's, "As I am generous! I will forgive your hideous blasphemy and will settle for some skills that makes me immortal and omnipotent."

"FUCK! TOO SHAMELESS!" Shik cussed and while growling pulled something from beneath his kimono sleeves. It was well wrapped in a brown paper bag and steam came out from its top.

Without saying anything, Shik hurled it towards Kobi, who caught it instinctively.

Shik, seeing he had taken the bait, instantly turned haughty and scowled, "Take that, your majesty! It's a special medicinal item, one straight out of heaven! It's qualities are so supreme that even your ugly faces will sparkle like the moon once you apply. It can clear away all your dirty dung and rid you of your bad stench! Please, take this as my compensation!"

Kobi, finding the description offly familiar and a repulsive stench reeking out of the bag nearly making him faint, pinched his nose before peeking inside.

Seeing a soft, dark brown mesh flattened inside the bag, Kobi's face darkened, he instantly chucked it toward Shik and screamed, finding himseld losing balance from its disgusting stench, "YOU CUR!! WHAT SHIT DID YOU GIVE ME??"

Shik chuckled and nodded, "Yes, yes! I gave you your very own heavenly dung! I replicated it with all exact attributes of your original one! It's the same one you smudged on the Queen's face."

Kobi's face turned sullen before suddenly, he nodded with a look of enlightenment, "Indeed! No wonder I found it to smell so divine! Almost like it had craped by an angel! Since it's mine, it all makes sense. And that cute, soft texture too, I almost mistook it for a fruit from heaven! It all makes sense now, all makes sense." He nodded his head in utmost seriousness... while clenching his nose till it turned pale.

"Oh God!" Shik's expression grew deathly pale, "How could somebody be so shameles‐"

"But," Kobi suddenly interjected, his expression turned odd, "Y-You didn't need to," he stammered like a shy princess, "You didn't need to steal from the Queen, I've always know you had an inferiority complex since I, the most charming man, became your host! I already planned to give you some Heavenly Dung... Heck! I would've even rightfully crapped it on your face! So you got it all hot and soft!"

Kobi's expression turned pitiful, "B-but I can't even imagine of reprimanding you... after all, you tugged it inside your clothes like it was the most important thing in your life! It was more important than your little brother right? It was more awe-inspiring than your father right? You loved it more than your mother right?" Kobi nodded as if that was expected, taking a momentary break to catch his breath with his mouth whilst still clenching his nose, "Don't worry! All that is a given when the dung is mine... don't worry!"

Kobi smiled benevolently and nodded his head repeatedly.

Shik, gaping at Kobi, muttered, "It would all sound so much more convincing with that glib tongue of yours if only you hadn't been backing off as if you would faint any second."

Kobi, feeling his head turn dizzy, clicked on the white box before seeing the list of his skills appear in front of him.

Feeling somewhat puzzled, he clicked on Ricochet and felt it incorporate inside his permanently before his resistance broke and he fell down unconscious, foaming seeping out of his mouth.

His last thoughts were, 'Fuck! My heavenly dung is too heavenly! I should change to Divine Scented Pooper!'

. . .

In the morning, Kobi was stretching whilst gazing at the thick canopy of trees.

While leaning down against a tree and cracking open an egg, the Kombop eggs he had hogged last night, and gulping it down raw, he asked Shik, while being stunned at the hologram that popped in front of him, 'Shik! You said the skill would be chosen randomly, but I managed to choose Ricochet on my free will.'

[Congratulations! You have gained Night Vision!]

Shik appeared with a puff and stretched lazily before his eyes fell atop the hologram, "Wow! You gained this skill? Now that darkness wouldn't pose you a problem!"

Kobi chuckled, 'Hopefully so. What about what I asked.'

Shik nodded calmly and replied, 'You didn't give me the chance to reply last night... but you had a first time perk and you could choose any skull.'

Kobi clicked his tongue distastefully, 'How sad... here I thought you had malfunctioned last night.'

Shik's face darkened, 'I am a perfect being. Despite my setting fit in such a way that I can handle you, and because of that me being very humane... I am a night perfect AI incapable of mistaking.'

'Yea, yea!' Kobi chuckled before gazing around, 'I have diverged quite a bit... I don't see the road anywhere close.'

After pondering for a bit, his eyes lit up as he gazed at the thick shade of the trees, their branches snarled against each other and made a perfect barrier for every thing outside to stay outside.

'Shik! You aren't affected by that, are you?' Kobi glanced up, 'Go and check our location. Estimate where our location is from the paved road.'

Shik glanced at Kobi like he was an idiot, "Why do you think I would aid you?'

Kobi returned the expression, "Why do you think I am here?"

"Huh?" Shik's expression turned docile as a kitty, "Oh! Hahaha! Guess I will relent this one time and help you."

Kobi shook his head speechlessly, "Hurry along."

Shik, not in the mood of a quarrel rushed up.

As he passed the branches and arrived above the forest, his eyes widened at the scenery.

The trees were green from below, but, from where he was looking, the trees appeared a lustrous gold under the piercing rays of the sun. 'Wow! Knowing and seeing are two different things.' His expression turned strange, 'I-I guess it's because of the human nature that has been installed in me.'

Suddenly, away from the beautiful sight, his sight caught a scene that made is eyes contract before he shook his head wearily, 'It has occured.'

He ignored it for now and glanced around, tapping into his memory, he formed the direction from where they could reach the road and rushed down.

He pointed in a direction and told Kobi, "Keep walking here and you will find the road."

Kobi dropped his lean from the tree and smirked, "Today we will reach the city! Hopefully!"

Shik chucked and nodded, "Maybe not."

A crevice appeared at Kobi's forehead as he asked displeased, "What do you mean?"

Shik rubbed his chin thoughtfully, wondering how to put it in words before shrugging and decided to be clean, "There's smoke rising from the village's direction... seems like a wild fire."

Kobi's steps froze, color slowly draining from his cheeks, "What... did you say?"