DO I … LIKE HER?

James Danvers

I dropped Z off at her house and told her I will let her know when I get the stuff on the list. Besides those words the rest of the car ride was in silence. After that I came back to my parents house, went up to my room and crashed in my bed. I've been here for only a few minutes. I still can't believe that all of this is happening. That I'm going to be a dad. A dad. I still have no clue how I am going to tell Cassidy this. She is going to freak out on me. I know she will.My mind begins to trail to what happened in the car earlier with Z before we went inside. I came down way too hard on her. I mean I guess she does have a right to be scared. I don't know what I am going to do exactly. But I have to figure it out and fast. With Z going back to school soon and me having to go back to college we are going to be so far apart. Thinking about all of this at once is making my head spin. I close my eyes to try and get the spinning to stop.

I open my eyes and turn my head towards my clock on the nightstand by my bed. Damn, it's 12:46! I must have fallen asleep. I sit up on the edge of my bed and rub my eyes. I should get all of that stuff the doctor said to get now so that I don't have to worry about it later. I get and grab my keys from the nightstand and head downstairs and outside to my truck to head out. I want to get in and get out. Knowing this town the cashier at the pharmacy will be extremely judgy.

And I was right. The cashier gave me a serious side eye as I was checking out. I told him it was for my fiance and that it looks like we were a bit early and switched the marriage and babies part. He didn't laugh. I pull up outside of Z's house, grab the back, get out of the truck and walk up to the door. I knock three times before I hear Z's voice coming from behind the door. I hear footsteps then the sound of someone unlocking the door. It slowly opens to reveal Zarah standing in a big graphic marvel T-shirt. Her hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail and she had no shoes on her feet. I can't tell if she has shorts on or not under the shirt. Damn, why is that something on my mind right now. I shake my head, erasing the thoughts from my memory.

"Is everything ok?"

I look up and see Z staring at me with a hint of concern in her eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine. Can I come in?"

Z nods her head and then opens the door wider while stepping back so that I have enough room to step in. I walk a few steps and then Z walks around to the front of me after closing the door. Once she stands in front of me she crosses her arms which causes the shirt to hug her waist allowing me to see some of the curves of her body. I feel myself getting red in the face.

"Here, I got all of the stuff on the list she said to get."

I hold the bag out ready for Z to grab.

"Oh, thank you."

Her voice seems so flat and sad almost. She grabs the bag from my hand and walks over to place it on the counter. She stares at the bag, leaving it untouch for a bit.

"Well I should get going. I have to help Kiki get dinner started."

I begin to walk to the door and reach for the handle.

"Wait!"

I stop my hand from touching the handle and then turn around towards Z.

"I just… I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You're right, Cass is your girlfriend and I shouldn't be so worried about you telling her or leaving with her. At the end of the day you love her and care about her. I should be more focused on myself and not on her."

I just stood there, waiting. Waiting for another part to come with the apology. For her to say that she just doesn't want to be alone. It doesn't come. After waiting a few seconds another part doesn't come. I walk over towards her and put my hand on her shoulder which causes her to turn around and look at me.

"I should be apologizing to you."

"But…"

"No, no buts." I let my hand drop from her shoulder, put my hands in my pockets, and then looked down. "The point of me being with you today was to comfort you. Instead I yelled at you and made you feel alone. Truth is you're not completely wrong about Cass." That's it. Just tell her the truth. "I am worried about how she will react when I tell her what's going on. I care about her a lot and I don't want to lose her."

I look up to see that Z now has her head down. I grab her hands and then turn her so that she faces me directly as I sit down in one of the seats at the kitchen island.

"But I also don't want to lose you. Regardless of what relationship I am in or how I feel about her, I still have a kid on the way. A kid with you. And your thoughts and feelings in all of this are just as important as hers. I think that I have been so wrapped up in thinking about her and what she is going to think about all of this that I kind of forgot that you're the one having the baby and not her."

Z's head slowly lifts up to me causing her eyes to meet with mine. Her eyes are a deep chocolate brown. I can't help but to stare directly at them. She didn't have her blue framed glasses on. In all honesty, she looks amazing either way. Trying to erase the thoughts from my mind just allows them to come back faster and stronger. Instead I need to listen to them but just don't act on them.

"I really should go now. Kiki will kill me if she has to make dinner all by herself."

I watch as Z forms a slight smile on her lips. They look soft, light pink with a small bit of brown mixed in.

"I understand. Her wrath is definitely something else."

I nod and stand up. Z slides to the side and I walk past her to the door. I open it then turn around to her.

"Let me know if you need anything, day or night."

"Yeah, I will."

I smile then walk out and close the door behind me. I wait a few seconds until I hear her come and lock the door then I walk back to my truck. I don't think I will ever be able to get her out of my mind but I can control how I react. Right now, that's the only thing in my control.