Rewind

Sebastian was 7 years old. It was a cloudy day and he was out walking with Shadow, his massive four-legged guard dog bristling with black fur. They were out 'patrolling' the forest grounds that fell within the line of their family's property.

The sound of a child's cries reached the ears of the boy and his guard as they neared the border of the 'bad land' as his father had put it when Sebastian was forbidden from foraying into the area. Sinkholes tended to randomly appear in the area as the bedrock underneath was dissolving and melting away by the action of water. Sebastian knew that much and had been faithful to the promise that he had made to his father.

"Shadow, we can't go there." Worry gripped his heart, and the desire to help the crying child warred with the fear that came from his father's warning. The cries sounded so forlorn and heartbroken that Sebastian found his small feet creeping closer and closer to the bad lands.

He knelt at the lip of a collapsed hole and looked inside to find a little boy hugging his knees to his chest and sniffling. The child looked younger than he was. Sebastian marvelled at the pale skin and dark hair that reminded him of a painting that hung in his father's study. It was called the 'Moon nymph'.

"Hey, who are you?" He shouted into the hole. It wasn't very deep. Shadow could jump out of it, he thought.

The little kid's head snapped up and Sebastian saw the relief that passed through the boy's body. He was adorable. The child's eyes began watering but he remembered his manners and introduced himself.

"My- my name is A-hic-mus. I'm six years -hic - old. I- I - live with - hic - mommy and da-hic-dy."

"Amus?" Sebastian repeated.

"Artemus!" The six-year-old said in a wobbly voice.

"Ah. I'm Sebastian. I'm seven years old and I also live with mommy and daddy. How did you end up here Artemus?"

Black shorts were caked with the white powder of the limestone rock. Artemus attempted to dust himself off but there wasn't much that his pudgy hands could do. His hiccups had subsided so at least there was that.

"I came through a hole in the wall and fell in here," he explained. And like a tide returning to the shore, his dark eyes began to get wet again.

"No, don't cry!" Sebastian reached out with a hand like he wanted to stem the flow of tears with the wall that was his palm. The edge of the hole crumbled and he tumbled in letting out a terrified scream.

He wouldn't cry, Sebastian told himself. He was a year older than Artemus and he took that very seriously. Loud barking rang out in the air as Shadow called for help.

"It'll be alright A-mu, my daddy will find us soon. Shadow will fetch someone to save us."

"I'm Artemus, not A-mu." His little nose was red from all the crying he had accomplished. Sebastian wiped at the dirt that was smudged on Artemus' cheek.

"Artemus is a mouthful. I like A-mu better."

Artemus had run out of tears and energy. It was sheer exhaustion that led to his acceptance of the nickname that would stick till the end of their friendship.

-------------

They were 8 and 9 years old. Sebastian's father had indeed rescued them and reunited Artemus with his distraught parents who lived in the adjacent plot. Regular visits and dinners at each other's houses had turned into daily visits and sleepovers spent sharing snacks while pretending they knew the names of the constellations.

"A-mu, why did you bring Alka along? Now we can't go catch frogs anymore," Sebastian sulked at his dark-eyed best friend. Alka, the littlest one, had a cold and wasn't allowed to play with water.

"Let's dig for worms. We can go fishing tomorrow," Artemus suggested.

"But I want to catch frogs today!" A cute pout on his rosebud mouth decorated Sebastian's face. Artemus did not like it when Sebastian was upset. It upset him too.

"Then let's go catch frogs. I'll sit with Alka by the bank while you show him how it's done," Artemus compromised. Alka didn't have to touch the water that way.

"No, it's not fun if I'm doin' it alone," Sebastian felt deflated. "Let's go to the playroom. Didn't you tell me that your mom got you some new toys?"

"Yes, but I don't like them."

"It doesn't matter! You should show me them. That's what friends do!"

"Okay," Artemus replied. He held Alka's hand and they walked back to the stately house that rose like a mountain above the surroundings. The river that the boys frequented was shallow, and they were allowed to play there when the days got too hot. The water mill workers kept an eye on them every time they came to fish and catch frogs.

They arrived at the playroom in time for cool sandwiches and juice and ate as much as young boys their age could stuff.

"Is that what they got you?" Sebastian pointed at a baby doll that looked like a real human baby.

"Mmm, I don't like it."

"How do we play with it?" Sebastian asked, holding the doll in the air. He was mystified by the realism of it. It was a bit creepy too.

"I know! Let's pretend that we're it's mommy and daddy. I'll be the daddy, you be mommy, and Alka, you're the big brother."

Artemus wanted to be daddy too. "Why do you get to be the daddy? I don't wanna be the mommy."

"Okay, you can be the uncle."

"No."

And Sebastian knew he was losing the argument. Artemus crossed his arms and turned his back to the sandy-haired child. He always did that when he was unhappy.

"Then nobody gets to be daddy!" Sebastian huffed.

"Then we're all Big brothers," Artemus turned around and said.

"But can't you both be the daddy?" Alka's cute voice pitched in.

"Don't be silly Alka. How many daddies do you have?" Sebastian placed his hands on his waist and asked.

"One."

"That's right. So we can't have two daddies!" An irrefutable fact was loudly proclaimed.

The two younger children nodded at the wisdom of their oldest friend.

---------

When Artemus was 9, he was already growing into a little beauty. His silken hair was always brushed back neatly and it framed his snowy cheeks that had the slightest tinge of pink. His dark eyes were like onyx gems that gleamed with intelligence. Artemus generally avoided other children because he didn't need anyone else when he had his best friend. Needless to say, he was picked on by bigger boys who thought him too arrogant for his own good.

Sebastian found Artemus crying at a banquet that they were attending with their parents. The children had been allowed to run around the plum orchard that rained fragrant petals on the kids playing under their colourful boughs.

A group of older boys had cornered and pushed Artemus against a tree trunk. They wanted the long stick that he was clutching tightly to. It could be used to shake the low-hanging branches to rain more petals and leaves on the boys.

"I found it. I won't give it to you." His eyes were wet with fresh tears. Sebastian had often called him a cry baby and Artemus knew it was true. He could cry at the drop of a hat.

"Then we'll just have to take it from you!"

One of the boys tried to snatch the stick away but Artemus held on tight. It led to a scuffle between the two while the others watched and laughed. When Artemus was pushed to the ground by another boy, the stick broke in half and his teardrops fell. With one half of the stick, the leader of the bullies poked the crying Artemus on the chest. The distressed child was suddenly more interesting than falling petals.

"Hey! Leave him alone!" Sebastian came running and shoved the leader to the ground. The older boy was outnumbered but he stood his ground because Sebastian protected what was his.

There were five of them and just one Sebastian but his aggression had been enough to scatter the boys. He turned to the fallen Artemus who looked back at him like a puppy that had found its mother. The younger boy's tear ducts were already working hard but it was alright, he was safe.

"Are you okay A-mu?" He knelt beside Artemus, not caring for the dirt that would no doubt ruin his new formals. The younger boy nodded and wiped his tear-stained cheeks. The action left a smudge of dirt that Sebastian rubbed away with his handkerchief.

________

Artemus was 10 when Sebastian's father died from a lung disease that swiftly claimed his life.

The funeral was a gloomy affair and Sebastian imitated the stillness of a wax doll. The adults had been worried about the lack of tears shed by the young boy but they were preoccupied with the affairs that came with the funeral of a nobleman. Artemus had cried like he had lost his own father because that was how much he loved the man who had pulled him out of the hole and hugged him like his own son on that cold cloudy day.

The overcast sky showered rain and the funeral ended. Artemus looked for Sebastian in the crowd but he was longer there.

"Bas," Artemus called out gently. Sebastian had hidden himself away in his father's study, the first place that the younger boy had looked in when he couldn't find his friend.

Sebastian was shaking, hands over his ears and his knees tucked against his chest. Artemus crawled in beside him under the big wooden desk. "Bas," Artemus hugged his friend and cried because it was the only thing he knew to do. Sebastian's fingertips were freezing cold when they touched the younger boy's cheeks.

"Don't cry," he whispered to the younger boy, "cry baby."

Why don't you cry? Artemus wanted to ask him. Why aren't you crying? Instead, he cried harder and squeezed his arms around Sebastian.

"Stupid Bas, you can't hide here forever."

"Why not?"

"Because you have to eat food and use the toilet."

"I don't want to."

"Then I'll stay here with you till we both get hungry."

The two children kept vigil in the study till the early hours of the morning. Famished and exhausted, Artemus stirred awake and found a sandy head resting on his chest. He felt his legs had gone numb from their uncomfortable position under the desk but he sat still and watched Sebastian sleep. Strands of sandy hair tickled Artemus' chin and he brushed them away. The rain was still pouring outside the window and the air had gone nippier but Sebastian was going to be okay. Artemus would make sure of it.

_________

Sebastian was 13 years old when he had his first crush. She was a mage at King Hill. A year younger than him, Elfie was the prettiest thing that Sebastian had ever laid his eyes on. He proclaimed that to Artemus as they sat on the anti-mage's bed, studying together even though their curriculums were different.

"Are you listenin'?" Sebastian asked his friend who was focused on the notes that had been written in Artemus' beautiful handwriting, all neat lines and cursive.

"Yes, Elfie is the most beautiful girl you've ever seen," he repeated in a monotone.

"No, no, no, A-mu, you weren't listenin'. I said Elfie is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen! Humans, elves, goddesses, flowers, stars, and even you A-mu; you're actually really gorgeous." Sebastian's gaze swept up and down his friend's face, "but Elfie.. she's just somethin' else." He was whipped and he knew it.

"I have an essay due tomorrow, Bas. Can we do this later?" Artemus sighed and started on a new sheet of parchment.

"Oh. Yeah, we can do that." Sebastian sat up straighter and re-arranged the books in front of him. Artemus was quiet as he wrote the conclusion to his essay. And when he furtively glanced at his lovesick best friend, the boy had a faraway look in his eyes, already daydreaming about Elfie.

Artemus realised he liked Sebastian more than a friend had any right to. That realisation had been bittersweet and it was his first heartbreak. His best friend was ecstatic when he came running to throw himself at Artemus. Sebastian's smile was wide as he beamed down at the younger boy who he had toppled over in his enthusiasm.

"She said yes, A-mu!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about but please get off me you oaf."

Sebastian did not release Artemus. He had to have his best friend understand how wonderful the news was. It was more important than letting Artemus breathe easier.

"I asked Elfie out. She said yes! We're datin', A-mu!"

Artemus was truly happy for Sebastian. He smiled and congratulated Sebastian because he meant it. The teen had been moon-eyed for so long, it was a relief to Artemus that he would no longer have to endure his best friend's annoying sighs. But when Sebastian left his room, a spring in his step, Artemus felt the first stirrings of sorrow that would follow him like a shadow.

It was a weekend, and Artemus arrived at Sebastian's house early in the morning. They were going out to buy stationery together. The sandy-haired boy rushed out of his room and went wide-eyed at the sight of his best friend.

"A-mu! I'm sorry I can't come with you. I'm goin' out to visit Elfie. You want to come along?"

Ridiculous. Did Artemus want to third wheel on their date? Yes, but he was a sensible child who knew that best friends did not third wheel on dates.

"You're going on a date wearing that?" He replied instead.

"Why not? I look good." Yes, he always looked good, Artemus agreed.

"But you'll look even better wearing the coat that was tailored last month."

"Right! I was so excited I forgot about it. This is why you're my best friend." Sebastian planted a wet smack on Artemus' cheek and laughed at the face that the anti mage made.

Like two peas in a pod, it had been just the two of them in their tiny, cosy enclosure. So when a third pea squeezed into their world, Artemus made space and he was pushed into the corner. They were now 13 and 14.

"I'm sorry, Elfie has a tea party with her friends and she wants me along."

"Tomorrow? I'm helpin' Elfie learn to horse ride."

"Can we put it off till next week? Elfie wants to measure out new gowns so I'm accompanyin' her to the seamstress."

"Sure, we can study together! But I need your advice on the gift I need to buy Elfie for her birthday."

Artemus was annoyed, but more than that, he was exhausted. He stopped trying to get out of the corner of his pea pod. The daily visits dwindled and the sleepovers became rare. The pea had been pushed so far into the corner that it tore out of the pod.

"A-mu, want to go fishin' tomorrow?" Sebastian slunk in with a guilty face on a windy evening. Artemus had closed off the windows to his room, letting only the light of a lamp shine in his room.

"I have an exam next week. I'm sorry, Sebastian."

The mage's eyes went wide at Artemus' use of his name. "What about after the exam?" He asked, hesitant. Artemus was like a closed door.

"I'll think about it."

The mage nodded. "Good luck A-mu."

"Thank you."

Things did not get better. Artemus avoided speaking with Sebastian no matter how many attempts the older boy made to penetrate the shell that the anti-mage had built around himself. Excuse after excuse was given when Sebastian tried to make plans with him. They hadn't slept over at each other's homes in months. It clawed at Artemus' heart but he remained shut off to a Sebastian who was getting more desperate with every denial that met him.

Artemus came home tired. He had aced all his subjects and was quickly climbing the ranks of fighters whose names hung over the scroll at the entrance of Winter Fortress. He peeled off his dark anti-mage uniform and neatly folded it into his laundry basket. Wearing a velvet robe to cover his state of undress, Artemus brushed his hair back and contemplated taking a scissor to it. He was startled out of his thoughts by the doors that swung open with violence.

Sebastian came striding in, a frustrated snarl snapping out from between his teeth.

"I thought you were my best friend! But you don't care about us anymore!" He accused Artemus.

Shaken from the intrusion, the anti-mage narrowed his eyes at Sebastian. "That's rich coming from you."

The older boy flinched and then the fight went out of him. He knew that their fallout was entirely his own fault.

"I'm sorry. A-mu. Please let me make it better. I miss you so much."

They looked at each other and the space between them seemed to widen. Artemus turned away. He had long come to realise that he'd fallen for his best friend and this was the best outcome for them.

"A-mu, don't you miss me?" There was a catch in Sebastian's voice. "A-mu.."

Artemus felt like he had been pushed off a cliff when he heard the sound of a sob. He whirled around, breath catching in his throat because Sebastian was crying.

"A-mu, I need you. I'm so sorry. You can yell at me, punch me, anythin', just.. please don't ignore me anymore." The tears fell like rain. Artemus was rooted to his spot like a petrified tree. He had never seen Sebastian cry.

"A-mu?" Sebastian's heart broke as he watched his best friend turn and walk away.

"Stupid Bas. Now, who's the cry baby?" Artemus tossed a folded snow-white handkerchief at Sebastian. The mage caught it like it was a lifeline. He held the white cloth between his shaking fingers and pressed it to his eyes.

"Want to sleepover?" Artemus asked, a tremble in his own voice.

"Yes, if you promise to come fishin' with me." Sebastian smiled despite the wet cheeks.

"Okay, let's go fishing."

_______

Sebastian began to spend more time with Artemus than he did with Elfie. The boys slept over so often that Artemus' mother began buying more groceries for the dinners that always preceded a sleepover. Sebastian was practically an adopted son at this point. When Artemus turned 14, he thought he was over Sebastian but life had its cruel way of reminding him of how wrong he was.

"Why do you look so morose, Bas?"

"Elfie wants to break up."

"Why?"

"She says I don't pay enough attention to her. That I don't love her as much anymore."

Artemus thought about how Sebastian had been spending all his time with him. He felt guilty.

"You should go visit her tomorrow."

Sebastian pouted. He had naturally pouty lips that were devastating when he was actually upset. 15 years old and taller than he had any right to be, he was also mentally regressing to newer levels of immaturity as he grew older. "But we already have plans tomorrow," the mage whined. "Did you forget?"

Artemus smiled at Sebastian who threw himself to the grass and placed his head on the anti-mage's lap like it was a pillow.

"We can reschedule with the blacksmith but your relationship can't wait."

Sebastian was staring at Artemus, eyes focused on his face. The anti-mage's heart sped up when his friend raised a hand and mapped Artemus' elegant features with his fingertips.

"Things would be so much easier if you were a girl, A-mu. I'd marry you and nothing would have to change."

Sebastian had no idea how his words hurt Artemus.

"Get off my leg." He pushed away the annoying boy's head.

"Ow, A-mu, can't you be gentle?"

A few weeks later, Sebastian did not visit Artemus after classes. The anti mage had dinner alone and fell asleep waiting for the missing teen. It was midnight when there was a knock on his window.

"A-mu, let me in." Artemus considered ignoring it but Sebastian kept calling for him till he threw open the window, nearly slamming it against the older boy's face.

"Do you- Bas.. what's wrong?" Artemus asked the boy who was a picture of misery.

"We broke up."

Artemus stepped back and made space for Sebastian to crawl in through his window. He held Sebastian and fell asleep in the glow of the moon that lay just beyond his eyelids. In his arms, sleep eluded the mage whose mind kept replaying what Elfie had told him - 'A-mu this and A-mu that! Who are you actually in love with, Sebastian?'

Elfie and Sebastian rekindled their relationship after a month of separation. Artemus hadn't dared to hope so the hurt never came. And when Erasmus, a handsome mage and classmate of Sebastian, flirted with him, he allowed it to happen. He wanted to tell Sebastian about it but what was there to tell? He wasn't even in a relationship yet.

Artemus received his first kiss during a banquet at his house. He disappeared from the crowd with Erasmus and they kissed in the library. It should have been a sweet memory but it was tainted the moment Sebastian walked in and saw his best friend in the arms of his classmate.

"Bas wait!" Artemus called out to the running Sebastian. He couldn't make sense of the devastation that had appeared on Sebastian's face when he saw them.

Sebastian didn't sleepover that night. Artemus was furious and made no attempt to reach out to Sebastian. The impasse continued for another month till they faced each other at the annual friendship meet. Sebastian was the reigning champion, having proved his mettle by being the youngest champion in history, and winning twice in a row.

The mage hadn't spent the month hating on Artemus as the anti-mage had assumed. He whiled away his time avoiding both Elfie and Artemus because he realised that the pain in his chest when Elfie broke up with him was nothing compared to the intensity of grief that consumed him when he saw Artemus with Erasmus. The colours had bled out of his world.

What had his life come to? He was in love with his best friend and the realisation had come too late. Artemus had run off to another boy's arms and Sebastian was left alone wondering why he had dated Elfie for so long when the real love of his life, his best friend, had been right in front of him.

At the friendship meet, Sebastian and Artemus faced each other on the battle stage. It was Artemus' first tournament, and the older boy had hoped they could avoid a match up between them.

"Done sulking like a little bitch?" Artemus asked. His words were scathingly cold.

"Fuck you Artemus. Why couldn't you tell me that you were into men?!"

Artemus wanted to punch him so hard. "The same reason you didn't tell me you were into women." Sebastian couldn't refute it although it wasn't the same thing.

The fight was short, brutal, galvanised by the anger that smothered all reason. When the referee called for a stop, they continued throwing punches and screaming at each other. Neither used their powers because they weren't fighting to win. Their savage brawl was an expression of all the pent up frustrations and words that hadn't been aired.

"I hate you! You're such a fucking baby with the emotional intelligence of a wooden post!" Artemus punched Sebastian.

The mage caught him and gripped the pale fist in his bronzed hand. "Says the cry baby who was too much of a coward to tell his best friend he was gay!"

"What's it to you?!" Artemus spat.

"I don't understand why you're so mad at me!"

Artemus laughed at the mage's stupidity. How did he not realise Sebastian was this dumb? The younger teen headbutted the mage on his nose. The referee came running but he couldn't pull the boys apart. Blood spattered over Artemus' uniform but it wasn't his. Artemus realised that Sebastian was purposefully avoiding hits to the anti mage's face. Was Sebastian pitying him? Artemus retaliated with blind fury. The referee was joined by the judges who were closest to the fighters. It took 5 horrified adult men to pry the boys away from each other.

Dry-eyed and bitter, they left without looking back. It was the first time in the history of the friendship meet that two fighters were disqualified and banned from further participation. All of Sebastian's glory as an upcoming mage of renown fell apart. He had power but no discipline, they said.

Sebastian dropped out of King Hill and disappeared without a goodbye. Artemus never shed a single tear but he mourned for months before closing the chapter that encompassed the memories of his childhood with Sebastian.