Scarred little devil

The wounds of the mind cut deeper than the scars of the flesh...

"ugh can you see her?"

"Sheesh she's so ugly"

"Just take a look at her clothes"

The gossip, the hurtful mumbled words...I hear it all as I walk into the bathroom almost in tears pretending like I don't.I swallow hard as I force myself not to cry whilst opening the door and scurrying in without daring to make eye contact with any of the girls......I'm such a coward.

I hear their loud cackle before I then hear their footsteps then finally the door squeaking open then closing shut behind them.They are finally gone.I can now cry like the ugly coward I am.

In between my muffled tears I hear the priest say something to the congregation and then congregation replying back.The sermon has started but I can't care less.I can't and will not force myself to go back and join them,that would be equivalent to suicide.

The stares

The mocking eyes

The soul crushing whispers

I can't take it.....

I would rather stay here and cry myself a river.

After what seemed like an eternity I sit up properly on the toilet seat and wince occasionally in pain caused by staying in an awkward position for too long.My eyes feel puffy and my head is spinning.I must have passed out.I glance at the mirror plastered on the bathroom wall only to look away immediately out of self disgust.It reflected my scars and bruises forever marked on my skin like tattoo caused by accidents too painful to recall,my puffy red eyes decorated with black bags and sorrow and my nose filled with mucus and my face tear stained.

It reflects me in my purest form.

Pathetic.

I no longer hear the priest nor the congregation,I look up at the clock on the bathroom wall.I've been here for hours and no one came to get me.

I sigh not even bothered about the fact that I might be the only one here.I make my way out of the bathroom and into the main cathedral whilst making quick but quite movements so I won't be seen- the last thing I need is for the priest to think that I'm a thief or something- but that only proves to be futile once I walk in on one of the church deacons,an elderly woman in her late eighties.I try to hide but only end up freezing where I stand once her glossy eyes lands on me.

"Child what are you doing here?"she asks in our local dialect.

I open my mouth a little to say something...............anything but nothing comes out and I just stay planted where I stand.

This gesture only seems to make the old woman more curious and concern flashes across her face briefly.She takes a few steps towards me and I take a step back fearing that she may scold me for not speaking up.Never the less she takes a few steps forward and I raise my head and meet her gaze by now she had already seen my tear stained face.Concern takes over her features again but unlike before it stays that way.

"Child are you alright,do you want me to call your aunt?"she asks with her voice laced with concern.

I frantically shake my head in response as I gasp.

"Oh God she recognizes me" I thought

But of course she will.The scars on my body tells her just who I am.

"I have to go"I whisper before running off

"Wait!"she trails after me but I just continue running till I reach outside the gates before panting. why I ran I do not know but I just felt like I should so I did.

The walk to where I live is quite and solemn.The church I attend is almost at the other side of the village within the outskirts but it only takes me few minutes to get to my house since I'm already used to the walking.

Once I reach my destination I'm greeted by the usual crying from my aunt's children.I sigh before opening the front door as quitely as I can and shutting it the same way so I won't attract any form of attention.

"Hey you where have you been?!!"comes my aunt's harsh voice from behind making me jump.

I turn to face her not having anything to say as I stare at her.She stares at me back with angry eyes as she cradles my cousin in one hand who apparently won't stop crying.

"Where the hell have you been, who's going to do the dishes?All you know how to do is cry and eat."she shouts

"You don't do shit in this house, whose going to take care of the house while I tend to the kids huh?"she continues then as if on cue my other three cousins surrounds her equally participating in the crying

I don't say anything because all what she said feels like most of it is true.

"Get your ugly face out of my sight"she says now dismissing me with her harsh words.

I attempt to run into my room but I'm stopped at mid point with her commands.

"Hey where the hell do you think you're going?Get your ass in the kitchen".