The News

A meal shared with the family is supposed to be simple just how we always do it but tonight, dinner is extra special with all of the Severinos present. Dad occupied the head seat with me closest to him. Despite the silence in the dining room, it brings comfort to us.

After the hearty meal comes the family meeting. It's a Severino tradition to share information and updates about what we think are necessary to us. It may be snippets of our latest achievement or sometimes our new founded goal. We are each others confidant. Distance is not a hindrance to maintain our relationship.

"I'm a college scholar this semester." pauna ko. They congratulated me. We excel in different fields. Kuya's an athlete. Diko graduated magna cumlaude. Sangko is an artist.

'You can dable in different fields but make sure you know what you truly want. If not, those things will just consume your time while producing inferior results.' ito ang sabi ni dad sa amin.

"Keep up the good work Lil one." pabiro kong inirapan si kuya. I'm an adult now, considering I'm 18. Pero ako pa rin ang bunso ng mga Severino. That will never change. Matagal ko ng tinanggap ito.

Sangko just smiled. "I'm good with my studies." sabay hinga ng malalim. "Someone bought my paintings last week. We auctioned it." pag-amin niya. He has a collection of landscapes around the camp. It boasts the patriotism and unity of soldiers. I wish I am like him. Kahit kaunti lang. But he gets all the artistic genes of the family. Well, I write short stories. Hindi ko nga lang madalas natatapos. My focus isn't stable enough to finish my works.

Dad nodded. His eyes are shining. I know he's proud of us. "That's good news. Alam mo ba kung kanino napunta?" diko asked. He's always been supportive of us. A little bit strict. More than kuya.

Umiling si sangko. Nakakunot ng kaunti ang kaniyang noo. He looks a bit playful. Lalo na at parating nakangiti. "Hindi nga e. Anonymous. No matter how we inquire, we can't trace it."

"There's a reason for that. Stop investigating it." payo ni dad. Sangko nodded. "Your diko and kuya has something to say." kahit hindi man nakangiti, halata sa mukha ni dad na masaya siya. Tinignan ko sila kuya habang hinihintay ang sasabihin nila.

"We passed the exam!" kuya said while tapping diko's shoulder. Ate Rosa poured wine on our glasses. I nodded at her to express my gratitude.

"Is it AFPSAT?" but that's scheduled for next month. So I dismissed the idea. What else could it be aside from that?

"PMA Entrance Exam and PMMA Entrance Exam." I squeeled. Lumapit ako at niyakap silang dalawa. Sumunod sa akin si sangko. Tinapik niya ang mga ito. That's a good news. Dad's eyes glowed softly. I can see the excitement in them.

"Congratulations kuya and diko." sangko said after he sipped his wine. "Who's going to be an army?" tanong niya habang nakatingin sa dalawa. Tinitimbang ang reaksyon ng mga ito.

"No. No!" pigil ko. "Let me make a guess." mataman ko silang tinitigan, ihinilig ang aking ulo at nag-isip. We admire dad since young. He's a solo parent but we never felt we were lacking something. The motherly love that others have can't compare to the affection he's giving us. Maybe that's why we grew so independently. And I know kuya wanted to be like him. "Kuya sa PMA. Si diko naman PMMA."

They smiled after hearing it. Tama ang hula ko. "I want to be a marine." sabi ni diko. "We're scheduled next month for the necessary tests. Sa August ang simula kung sakali."

"Ganoon din ang schedule ko." kuya added. There's no question about whether they will pass the physical, dental and medical examination. With the Severino lifestyle instilled in us, it's just a matter of when. Aside from that, there is also a psychological examination and final committee interiew. Even tho dad can pull strings to guarantee that they will pass, I know he won't do it for us. Kung may mararating man kami, dapat daw ay bunga ito ng sarili naming pagsisikap.

"Si Joaquin din." my hand stilled. What about him? I looked at diko. "He also passed. Magkasabay kaming nagtake. We'll be batchmates kung sakali." he said with a smile. Tahimik lang si dad. Pinagmamasdan kaming magkakapatid. I know he can see if something's wrong. Kaya pinilit kong huwag magpaapekto.

Something caught in my throat. I tried to stop the tremors that rock through me. Huminga ako ng malalim at ngumiti. "That's great! You'll never be alone." unlike me. My tears are forming. Pasimple akong tumingala upang pigilan ang pagtulo nito. It's ridiculous knowing that I should be happy. Pero bakit hindi niya sinabi? Does he not want me to know? Or is this supposed to be a surprise for me? I tried to think positively. Mas naging natural ang ngiti ko dahil sa pambobola sa sarili.

"How about his parents? Sino na lang ang mamamahala ng business nila?" sangko taps his hands while looking at diko. He's an only child. Kung tutuusin, siya na talaga ang magmamana ng lahat. Who will manage now that he will be out of the picture? Sure, tito can still do it. Bata pa naman siya at kaya pa niya. Pero paano na lang sa mga sumusunod na taon?

"Tito's against it at first. Pero basta raw pumasa siya sa lahat ng exam at makapasok sa serbisyo, hindi naman tututol ang mga ito. Tita is very supportive no matter. Plus, Joaquin already begged." bigla siyang napangiti sabay iling. Tila may naisip na kung ano. "They even asked him to bring

a daughter-in-law that can oversee their business. Kapag hindi, sila tito na raw ang hahanap." I almost choked after hearing it. That doesn't sound good. I can't be that daughter-in-law. Being a soldier is what I want. I groaned inwardly. I stopped myself from overthinking. Hindi dapat pangunahan ang mga mangyayari.

"Everything is good as long as he knows that's what he wants. We need to mind our own business. Tho, he's welcome to ask for help whenever he needs it." paalala ni dad sa amin. Um-oo lang sila kuya. It finally sinked in. He'll be a cadet for four years. Four long years. Paano na lang? I need to hear this news from him. Dali-dali akong umakyat sa kwarto pagkatapos naming mag-usap.

I paced back and forth, waiting for his call or even just his text message. Nakailang ring pa lang ay sinagot ko na agad.

"Hi." medyo kapos sa hiningang bungad ko. Tahimik sa lugar niya. I guess he's also in his room ready to call it a night. We make it a point to hear each other's voice at least twice a week. Sometimes we also do videocalls. "Aren't you busy?"

"Hindi naman." his cool voice warms my heart. Pakiramdam ko kasama ko rin siya ngayon. I waited for him to speak again. Baka kasi madulas ako at tanungin siya tungkol sa pagpasok sa serbisyo. He basically grew up in camp. Just like me. Pero hindi niya nabanggit kahit minsan na gusto rin niyang magsundalo. "Ayos ka ang Lilliana?" his voice filled with concern.

I nodded then I realized he can't see me. "I'm fine Joaquin." but deep inside, I am troubled. What am I gonna do during those four years?

"Sigurado ka ba?" tumigil siya sandali. "Bakit ang tahimik mo?" madalas kasi ay kung ano-ano ang tinatanong ko sa kaniya. O kaya naman ay kinukwento ko ang mga nangyayari sa amin nila kuya.

"Pagod lang siguro." dama ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng aking puso. Kinakabahan sa di malamang dahilan. "Ikaw, kumusta?" wala ka bang dapat sabihin sa akin? I held my breath. Waiting for him to spill the news.

Tumikhim siya at nagsalita. "I'm in Palawan now. Patapos na ang isang proyektong hawak ko. After this, maybe I'll go there for a visit." that's the thing. He's basically managing some of their business. Kaya hindi ko maisip kung bakit siya biglang nag-iba. Biglaan lang ba ang lahat?

"Ayos kung ganoon. Then you'll just continue doing that?" I keep on testing him. Hoping that he'll confess and make me a part of what's happening to him. Hindi naman niya kailangang magpaalam o sundin kung ano ang gusto ko. I just want him to share the little things with me. Just like what I always do. We're supposed to be a team. Joaquin and me.

He answered in a second. "Yes. For the forseaable future." I paled. Is he keeping things from me now? Hindi ba ako kasali sa future na pinaplano niya? When you start questioning yourself, that's where everything seems so wrong.

"Oh." I leaned on the headboard and closed my eyes. Alam kong kailangan kong kalmahin ang sarili. There's no use talking if my head is not in the game. "You'll still manage it? The business, I mean." medyo nanginginig na ang aking tinig.

"Yes. I'm an only child." a tear fell, then another. Huli na ng napansin kong sunod-sunod na ang pagtulo ng aking luha. I covered my lips to stop him from hearing me cry. Silence. All I want is silence.

I ended the call to end my suffering. Freeing myself.

You can cry now Lilliana.