Taking It Slowly

"Pasok ka na sa loob." Joaquin pulled away from me. After all those things, he wants to stop now? Time is of the essence! Seeing through me, he touched my face. "Unless you want your dad to see me doing these things with you…" he said slowly. "right outside your house?" taunting me for having these thoughts. Umiling ako para ayusin ang sarili.

"Uuwi ka na?" bulong ko. Sa bilis ng oras pag kasama siya, hindi ko na alam ang dapat gawin. After having a taste, I found it hard to stop. I bit my lip to stop myself from doing anything I might regret.

"Oo. Bukas ng madaling araw ang balik ko sa Manila." he said while playing fondly with my hair. I gathered my remaining courage and looked up to him. "What's with that look Lilliana?" I can see the twinkle in his eye as he tease me.

"Wala naman. I'm just happy." I hugged him tightly to convey what I can't tell in words. May his scent transfer to me, that way we never have to part. I sighed at the comfort he can bring.

He kissed the top of my head before saying goodbye. I watched him drive away. Everytime he's with me, I want to freeze time. I'm definitely saving this night as one of my most cherished memories.

Simula noong gabing iyon, mas napapadalas na ang dalaw ni Joaquin. We do the same things as before. And pinagkaiba lang, mas malaya ko ng naipapakita ang nararamdaman ko.

It's funny how things change so easily. Parang kailan lang noong iniiwasan ko si Joaquin. But here I am, busy snooping some news about him through his social media accounts. I stopped my silly attempt at ignoring his existence. Now, I'm embracing it.

Calling him everytime I have a good news became a tradition. Siya din ang una kong pinagsasabihan ng mga reklamo sa buhay. He's like my newly acquired diary.

All of his pictures were tagged by his peers. Madalas napapaligiran siya ng mga kaibigan. I saw some familiar faces hanging out with him. There he goes again, that look that can melt me. I smiled, remembering how I still act so shy despite him knowing how I really feel.

I was in the middle of thinking what gift can I give to his coming birthday when kuya walked in. He just graduated last month. Kasalukuyan siyang nagmamanage ng restaurant na naiwan ni mom. Dali-dali kong isinarado ang mga nakabukas na tab sa aking laptop. I fixed my hair trying to act normal.

He snickered. "What are you hiding Lil?" you can never fool him. He's a Severino after all. I get why a lot of women like him. With his fit figure and that Severino face, he can grace the international runway.

"Nothing kuya. May kailangan ka ba?" tanong ko habang palapit sa kaniya. Iginiya ko siya papunta sa kusina. We better talk away from my room. Nakakalat kasi ang mga larawan ni Joaquin na ipinadevelop ko.

Tinignan niya ako ng mabuti. Sinusuri kung ano ang naiba. I raised my chin to appear nonchalant.

"Aalis kami mamayang gabi." tumango lang ako. Well, I can survive alone for a night. Dad was sent to a conference abroad. Sa susunod na linggo pa ang balik niya. I was occupied with debating what movie to watch when I have the house to myself. Maybe Harry Potter? The Count of Monte Cristo? Forrest Gump? Or some Nicholas Sparks'? "Ayaw mong sumama?" I snapped my head. Tama ba ang narinig ko? Itinuro ko ang sarili, itinatong kung ako ba ang tinutukoy niya. "Yes. You Lilliana." natawa si kuya sa reaksyon ko. "You're already 18. You can join us. Tutal kami naman ang kasama mo."

Sunod-sunod na tango ang ginawa ko. "Saan tayo pupunta kuya?"

"Club-" hindi na natapos ni kuya ang sasabihin niya ng tumili ako. Finally! The long wait is over. Lilliana Esperanza Severino can now party.

"Is this a legal gala kuya? Sinabi mo ba kay dad na kasama ako? Are you sure na pumayag siya?" nailing na lang si kuya sa inasta ko. My excitement is overflowing right now. Madami na rin akong tinanggihang aya ng mga kaibigan sa takot na magalit si dad. Indulge in those things when you're of legal age. That's what he told us. There's no need to rush it.

"We have his go signal. No worries." I flung all the worries away and went to my room. Tonight, let's unleash the party girl in me. You can never go wrong with a little black dress. Thanking Georgina as I apply some make up, I took a few selfies and sent it to her. Nagbunga din ang pagmentor nya sa akin.

Hindi ko pa man naibababa ang aking phone ay natanggap ko na ang reply niya. "That's my girl! Saan lakad mo?" I giggled as I hear her through her text.

"Club. Kasama ko sila kuya. Wanna join?" oo nga pala at hindi ko naitanong kung sino pa ang mga kasama nila. Paano na lang kung ako lang mag-isa ang babae? I need someone who I can mingle with.

"Baka humabol ako. Just text me the address. I'll call you pag sigurado na." Georgina is starting with her modeling career. Kakaunti pa lang ang tinatanggap niyang projects which is usually at the end of every semester to avoid any conflict of schedule.

"Noted." I sent. For the final touch, I sprayed my favorite perfume. Vanilla won't let you down. It's been years since I fell in love with this scent. Everytime I wear it, I feel sexy and empowered.

We used kuya's own car tonight. May kanya-kanya na silang sasakyan. They have their own source of income. Malaya na din nilang gamitin ang kanilang trust fund. Mom established it for us, once we reached the age of 21 we will be able to use it.

"Why are we seperated from them?" I asked my kuya. The people downstairs seem having fun. There are a lot people around our age gracing the dancefloor. I nodded at the dj, satisfied at his choice. Maybe I should move my hips a little.

"Our own space. Tsaka ayaw kong sumigaw para lang makipag-usap sa iba." then we should just go to a bar. I told the waiter my order. Tequila for the lady. Kami pa lang magkakapatid ang nandito. Come to think of it, I don't even know who will we meet for tonight.

"Sino pa ang hinihintay natin?" I sip some nonalcoholic drink for starters. Maybe I should pester my friends. Baka wala akong makausap mamaya pag nagkataon.

"Just Joaquin." sabi ni diko. The drink splashed on me. Way to go diko. That man should inform me with circumstances like this. Edi sana ay naiwasan ang biglaang pagkikita. I checked myself to make sure I'm still presentable.

"What happened Lil?" umiling na lang ako. Why do you always keep me in the dark? Joaquin pops up right at that moment. Namula ang mukha ngayong malapit na siya. The dim lights only adds to his mystery. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata ng walang pasubaling umupo siya sa tabi ko. My brothers find nothing amiss tho. Ganoon ba siya kagaling para umarte ng wala lang?

"You're wet." he whispered to me. Ramdam ko ang lalong pag-init ng aking mukha. I pinched his thigh covered with the table. "Natapunan ka ng ano?" he smirked mischievously. Sa asta niya ay alam kung ano ang iniisip ko. This is Georgina's fault for introducing me to the world of the wicked.

I cleared my throat before speaking. "Juice. I splashed some." tumango pa ako para suportahan ang sarili. He gave his jacket to me. I raised my brow at his action.

"Isuot mo. Nabasa ka. Baka magkasakit ka pa." binalingan niya sila kuya at nakipagbiruan na. They don't look like someone who don't see each other very often. Malapit pa din sila sa isa't isa. I want a friendship like them. The one that lasts.

The guys were drinking leisurely. Hindi kagaya ng ibang nakikita ko na tila uhaw na uhaw sa alak. Maybe because it is introduced to them while they were still young. Sabi nga, kapag pinagbabawalan mo, mas lalong gustong gawin ito. I just listened as Joaquin speaks beside me. I can't even hide my foolish smile right now. Being close to him is tempting. I let my hands wander to his. The thrill that it gives me makes me giddy. He squinted his eyes and tensed his jaw, questioning me what am I doing.

"Stop drinking. That's your fifth." saway niya. He's the one suffering from the consequences. "Have some water." he lightly touch my arms making it appear like he's helping me. I gasped at his effect on me.

Feigning dizziness, I leaned to him and inhaled his scent. He chuckled at my audacity. "You want to go home Lil?" kuya asked, worried that I may be at my limit. Shaking my head, I clutched Joaquin's arms. My alcohol tolerance improved thanks to the constant wine at home.

"She should rest. Come here Lily." diko said strictly while taking me from Joaquin. I groaned, protesting silently. "Stop being so obvious Lilliana." mahinang sabi niya pero sapat na para marinig ko. Nanlamig ang katawan ko sa narinig. How did he know? Is it too late to deny it now? "Do you really need to act like this in front of us? Let's talk later." diin niya. I clutched his hands to calm him down. Dama ko ang pagkainis niya sa kabila ng pagpipigil.

"Y-yes diko. And I'm sorry." a tear fell from me. Pasimple ko itong pinunasan pero hindi pa din nakatakas kay Joaquin. He pats my back.

"I'll wait when you're sober." he touched my head before going back to drinking. I straightened my head and excused myself.

Let me have some time alone.