Message From Nuxanor

Briggo and his Kink turned around calmly and walked back towards the tavern. As the crowd outside realized that it was over, they broke out in cheers and applause.

"Did you see that?" someone said. "He just beat two Kink users!"

"I can't believe it!" someone replied, and suddenly it seemed as if everyone was talking at once. There were too many conversations to keep track of, but the gist was clear. Briggo's victory in a duel against two Kink users was an incredible feat, and this was certainly not something that happens every day.

As Briggo and Chad Lass came closer to the crowd, the cheering and clapping became louder. Now walking side by side, Briggo and his Kink waved to everyone. Moments later, Chad Lass stopped and dropped down to one knee. She placed her left arm on her hip and she raised her right fist into the air. Briggo stood behind her and raised the sword high above his head, holding it up with both arms. He flexed his bulging muscles as both he and Chad Lass let out the same roaring laugh.

"CHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The crowd cheered even louder. "WOO!!! Sir Briggo, you're amazing!" Truck-chan screamed, and even I felt compelled to clap. Briggo and his Kink were certainly impressive, even by the standards of this magical world.

Chad Lass stood up and both she and Briggo smacked each other on the behind at the same time. Then, Chad Lass jumped into the air and her human form dissolved into a glowing orange aura. The aura then fell back on top of Briggo and dissolved into his body. Briggo continued walking until he came right up to us. As people from the crowd continued to praise and applaud him, he just smiled and waved it off.

"You're a madman, Briggo," Dakota said. "You've always been proud but taking on two Kink users alone is crazy, even for you."

"Oh, it's not so crazy," Briggo replied. "I took them on because I know them well, and I know exactly how their Kinks work. If they were Kink users with powers that were unknown to me, then it would have been a different story."

Dakota escorted Briggo and the rest of us through the crowd and back inside the tavern. Once we entered, Dakota led us to the largest table, and as we sat down he ordered a bunch of drinks and food for all of us.

"You're still bleeding, Sir Briggo," Sophia the cat-woman said. This must have been the first time that I actually heard her speak, and the sound of her voice surprised me. Despite the Amazonian outfit, her voice was soft and pleasant, and her tone was much more reserved than Blair's.

"Oh, it's just a scratch or two," Briggo remarked.

"No, look," I said. "The back of your tank top is soaked with blood."

Briggo smiled. "It's nothing that a nice cold beer can't cure."

But Sophia shook her head. "I was the healer for our military unit," she said softly. "Please let me treat your wounds. We don't want them to get infected."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to trouble a lady with such trifles," Briggo said, but Sophia insisted and we all agreed that his wounds should be treated. After a few minutes of prodding Briggo relented, and Sophia asked one of the waiters to bring her an entire laundry list of herbs and potions. Then she helped Briggo take off his bloody tank top. Now shirtless, Briggo took a long swig of the green beer while Sophia began to sprinkle some sort of powder all over his back.

"Briggo," I said. "I can't believe you had that kind of power this whole time. It's really amazing!"

"Yes, Chad Lass is a magnificent Kink, and I was fortunate enough to unlock her incredible power. But don't worry Birito, your Kink will manifest sooner or later."

"Wait, really?! I can get a power like that?" The very idea of possessing a power of that magnitude seemed impossible to me. How would you unlock it? How would you even use it? It all seemed so unreal.

"Yes, of course. Everyone who was isekai'd into this world has the potential to unlock a Kink. You just have to embrace your innermost desires, and one day when the time is right, your Kink will manifest."

"Wow, I see," I said, but I was still having trouble believing it.

As we were talking, the crowd had begun to trickle back inside, and they were all trying to get closer to Briggo. Dakota told his waiters and barmaids to keep them back, and so it was just Briggo, Dakota, the two cat-women, Truck-chan, and me at the big table.

One of the waiters began collecting the different parts of Briggo's armor and piling them up in the corner, while another brought some herbs and strange plants and placed them down on the table. Sophia grabbed them and began to crush them into paste using a wooden herb grinder. She said something to Blair, and then Blair got to work as well, helping to prepare whatever medical concoction Sophia was creating. A strong herbal scent filled the air.

"Hmm…," Truck-chan said, and she looked like she was thinking something over. "You said that Kinks come from your deepest desires, right?"

Dakota nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"Okay, but how come that one guy – Evanito – hated his own Kink? He told her she was gross."

"Hah, that's a good question," Dakota said.

"Oh, that Evan," Briggo chuckled and took another swig of beer. If the wounds on his back were bothering him, he didn't show it in the least.

"I don't know for sure," Dakota went on, "but if I were to guess, either Evanito is a masochist, or he just hasn't come to terms with a repressed fish-based fetish. It's possible that his Kink will become much stronger if he learns to cope with his twisted desires."

"Oh, I see," Truck-chan said. "He is a very strange human."

"Yes, he is," Briggo replied. "But the only reason why I won that fight is because I've known both Evanito and Kor for years. I know the true nature of their Kinks, and I know their individual weaknesses."

"So does every Kink have a weakness?" I asked. I was suddenly very curious about these strange powers, and I was excited at the prospect of being able to unlock my own. For the first time since I was transported into this world, I was beginning to see an upside to being here.

Briggo nodded. "Each Kink has a special condition that can make it stronger, but not meeting that condition can also make it weaker. For example, Chad Lass is stronger when she is pumped up, but she would be less strong if we were hit by a surprise attack and she didn't have time to warm up."

As Briggo was talking, Sophia began to spread the thick paste that she and Blair had made across his entire back. This looked like it would hurt, but Briggo didn't even flinch.

"In terms of Kor and Evanito," Briggo continued, "their Kink conditions are well known to me. Kor's Kink is stronger the calmer he remains in the face of pressure and adversity. He is a calm person by nature, so that works out perfectly for his Kink. Evanito's Kink becomes stronger the more anxious he gets, and since his own Kink makes him anxious, it also works out perfectly."

I nodded. This was all so interesting.

"I knew that I didn't stand a chance against Evanito's Kink in a one-on-one battle, so my goal was to reach him instead. His anxiety makes his Kink stronger, but it also makes him less vigilant. He was barely watching the fight, and that allowed me to sneak up on him. As far as Kor goes, I was able to use Chad Lass to intimidate him. When he saw her power and imposing presence, he hesitated. He became less calm, and that's when he knew that he couldn't win. He was forced to retreat."

"But why did you let those angry fish bite your back?" Truck-chan asked. "Why didn't you run away?"

Briggo chuckled. "Run away? I don't know the meaning of those words! But the answer to your first question is simple, my dear Truck-chan. I needed time to absorb Chad Lass's electric power into my sword; that was the only way to neutralize MerMaid, if only for a few seconds. In order to do that, I had to turn towards Chad Lass and expose my back to the piranhas."

Dakota shook his head. "You gave us quite a scare, my friend. That didn't look good from where we were standing. And I've never even seen you show your back to an opponent before. I was afraid that something was wrong, since I would have expected you to take the piranhas head-on."

"Chahahahaha," Briggo laughed. "Honor is one thing, my friend, but exposing my snake to those hungry fish is quite another. Don't get me wrong, it was certainly a risk. The only way to stop MerMaid was to expose her to strong electricity, and even that was only enough to paralyze her for just a few seconds. Thankfully, I was able to reach Evanito before she recovered, and once he lost consciousness the Kink itself was useless."

"Wow, now I understand," I said and smiled. "During the battle we all thought that you were recklessly rushing at two opponents at once, but in reality, you had a carefully planned out strategy."

"But of course," Briggo replied. "You can't survive in this world for as long as I have by being a fool. But I must be fair. Kor and Evanito know my Kink as well as I know theirs. They could have attacked me by surprise and taken away my advantage, but they chose to face me on the field of battle. After the Great Incident, they chose a different path from mine, but they are still men of honor."

Sophia finished covering Briggo's back with the medical paste. She then pulled out a small green orb from one of her pockets and began to chant in an unknown language. The orb glowed with green light, and Sophia ran the light up and down Briggo's back while chanting the same strange words over and over again.

Then, suddenly, she stopped. "All done," she said. "You will feel a lot better by the morning, Sir Briggo."

Briggo looked at Sophia and smiled. "Thank you, my dear. I am in your debt. And please, just call me Briggo." Sophia nodded and smiled back. She and Blair both returned to their seats.

"Excellent," Dakota said. "You have my thanks, ladies. Any friend of Briggo is a friend of mine. Please stay here tonight, on the house. I'll have the staff prepare everything you need. We'll feed you, bathe you, wash your clothes. The full royal treatment!"

The cat-women accepted gratefully, but Briggo protested, "Now Dakota, it's true that we're friends, but I've got plenty of coin. No need to take us in for free."

"Your coin is no good here, Briggo," Dakota said and stood up from the table. "I've got some business at the bar, but please make yourselves at home. And don't try anything funny, Briggo. I've already instructed the staff to refuse coin from all five of you." As he said this Dakota smiled, and then he turned and walked away.

"So Birito," Blair said softly, "want to share a room with me tonight? I'm playful, but I don't bite… unless you want me to." She opened her mouth and ran her tongue across her sharp, feline teeth.

Truck-chan's face darkened instantly, and she looked like she was about to scream. Thankfully, we were interrupted before a full-blown catfight erupted. We just heard it at first, a loud ripping sound that seemed to be getting closer. It was like someone was violently squeezing the air out of a leaking balloon.

"What's that?" I asked, and I looked around the tavern for the source of the sound, but I couldn't find anything.

"Oh, no," Briggo muttered and his face turned grave.

"Huh? What's the matter?" The sudden change in Briggo's expression made me nervous. He didn't even flinch while the wounds on his back were being treated, and yet this odd ripping sound seemed to worry him.

Everyone in the tavern turned their heads, and that's when we saw it. Some sort of large object flew in through one of the windows and crash-landed on the tavern floor. The sight before me was so strange that I didn't even comprehend it at first, and it was only after I regained my composure that I realized what I was looking at. The object that flew in through the window was not an object at all. It was a very short man riding atop a farting penguin.

"Goddammit," Briggo said. "It's a freaking Springle Elf."

"A what?" The small man was wearing green clothes, including a pointy green hat, and he seemed to be struggling to stand up.

"What a cute little guy," Truck-chan said. "Is he okay? He seems shaky."

"He's fine," Briggo said through clenched teeth. "Just don't look at him, and whatever you do, do not speak to him."

"Hyuk-Hyuk-Hyuk," the Springle Elf said. He was stumbling around the tavern and making incoherent noises. The penguin that he had been riding was much calmer. He simply rolled over, farted twice, and then sat down calmly at the foot of the bar.

"Hello, hello," the elf continued as Briggo went out of his way not to look at him. "I've got a letter here, ya hear? A letter for Lorry Riggo."

"Who?" someone asked.

"Don't you listen? I got a letter… for Lauren Di Biggo."

"Did you say Lor D. Briggo?" Truck-chan called out, and instantly the elf's misty eyes turned to her.

"Oh God no," Briggo said and buried his head in his hands.

"Hyuk-hyuk, that's right! A letter for Loro Briggo from the ruler of Nuxturia, his majesty Lord Suxanor."

"Lord Nuxanor," Dakota corrected him from behind the bar.

The elf nodded. "Yeah, yeah, Nutsanor. Here's the letter right here." The elf approached our table, still stumbling and slurring his words. He was a very short man, less than half my height, with a scruffy, unkempt beard and a large pointy belly. He carried a small pouch around his waist, and as he came closer to us he pulled a crumpled up envelope from inside.

"Here, young lady," he said and handed the letter to Truck-chan.

"Hey, wait," Truck-chan said. "You're silly, little guy. I'm not Lor D. Briggo. That's him right there."

She pointed to Briggo, but Briggo didn't turn. He just sat there, shaking his head and staring at his own hands.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"I hate these Springle Elf bastards."

"Aw shinkledinks… hyuk-hyuk-hyuk," the elf chucked. He looked like he was having a great time.

Truck-chan took the letter from the elf and handed it over to Briggo, who accepted it reluctantly. The elf was already wobbling away from our table. He tried to talk to a barmaid, but she slapped him and walked away after he asked to see her milk jugs.

"I'm sorry, everyone," Briggo said. "But there's nothing in this world that I hate more than the Springle Elves."

I was confused. "Who are they?"

Briggo sighed. "They run the Discord Delivery Service. It's the only communication service that operates beyond national borders, so after the breakup of Twigoslavia we had to start relying on them for most of our communications."

"That's odd," I said. "That guy looks drunk, and I think he came in here riding on a penguin."

"Yes, these Springle Elf bastards are constantly drunk and obnoxious. I just hate them so much! But they're the only creatures who are able to fly the penguinz, and they have a strong union, so we're pretty much stuck with them."

"Did you say fly the penguins? What do you mean? Penguins can't fly."

"Well of course penguins can't fly, but penguinz with a 'z' can."

"Huh?"

"Penguinz are special creatures found only in this world. They look like the penguins from our world, but they can fly by using their powerful farts to keep themselves airborne. The Springle Elves are able to ride them, and that makes their deliveries much faster than any alternative method. At least that would be the case if they weren't drunk out of their minds or high on devil grass."

"Hey muscle man, hyuk-hyuk, can you hurry up and read that letter? I gotta make sure you read it, it's part of the… part of the job, man. I gotta get going, man. I gotta be quicker than a hoofersnach after a reindoodle, if you know what I mean."

Briggo shook his head. "NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU MEAN! That doesn't mean anything, you drugged out slimeball!" Briggo was clearly upset and we tried to calm him down, but the elf was completely unaffected by Briggo's words. He just kept swaying from side to side with the same vapid grin on his face.

"God, I hate them so much," Briggo continued. "Let's just get this over with." He opened the envelope, unwrapped the letter, and began to read out loud:

Dear Briggo,

It's been too long, my friend.

My agents in the Lawless Lands told me that you're on your way back to where it all started, so I hope that we will get to meet again soon. The last time we drained our snakes was years ago, and I must admit that I miss our snake-drainings most of all.

I write this letter to formally invite you to visit me. As you know, you are always welcome here in Nuxturia. I'm also writing to warn you that I am sending Evanito and Kor to meet you.

I am no fool, and I know that they could never beat you in battle, but on the off chance that you agree to come to Nuxturia, they would be happy to escort you. To be perfectly honest, I have grown very tired of Evanito's relentless simping, and I needed to get him out of my hair for a while. I know that he loves and respects me, but the other day he gave me a drawing that he made of the two of us draining our snakes together on top of a mountain. It was not a good drawing. I appreciate the gesture, and he's almost like a son to me, but I sometimes worry for his wellbeing.

I sent Kor along with him, because if left to his own devices, Evanito would probably freak out and get himself killed within the first 12 hours.

I am sending this letter by Springle Elf before Evanito and Kor depart Nuxturia, so I am certain that the letter will find you many days before you actually encounter them. I just wanted to ask you to go easy on them, and to invite you to be my guest of honor whenever you wish. I would have included more memes in this letter, but my royal scribe Sir Rustage refuses to insert them. He believes them to be ungentlemanly.

Your friend,

Lord William Nuxanor, King of Nuxturia

P.S. I long for the day when those 3 powerful words will once again echo throughout our land, spreading joy and beauty to all who hear them. Until then, my friend, I shall grace this page with those very words: Nux and Briggs.

"NUX AND BRIGGS!" the elf cried out. His drunken scream was loud enough for the entire tavern to hear. Then he just laughed again, and moments later he stumbled over to the bar where he ordered a dozen drinks for himself, and a few more for his penguin.

Briggo folded the letter and put it away. "Well, finish your food and drinks everyone. Soon it will be time for bed. We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow, and we'll need the rest. Besides, if we stay here for much longer, I may end up murdering that tweaked out elf with my bare hands."

"Looloo-kimpah!" the elf was singing from across the room. "Loloo-kimpah, dinklewalls! All the ladies love my balls! Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk!"

As the elf sang, his penguin seemed to bounce up and down with every noisy fart that he produced, and pretty soon the entire tavern was in a flurry of excited chatter and boisterous singing.

I took a few more sips of the green beer and ate some more meat before we all stood up from the table and headed upstairs.