LIVE AND LET LOVE

I grew up in the East Texas hills during the early years of what came to be called the Great Depression.

My family was dirt poor and struggling even before the Depression, and found ourselves destitute and perpetually hungry during and afterward. We had a large family, but Daddy and Momma always managed to hold it together for the sake of us kids. There were nine kids, myself (the youngest), my older sister Frannie, and my seven brothers. I celebrated a very happy eighteenth birthday in 1932, but by the spring of 1933, we were on the verge of losing our pathetic little farm in a bank foreclosure. My sister had run off with and married a shiftless bum by the name of Billy Merkelson and my brothers, except for the two youngest had one by one drifted away looking for work that didn't exist.

We struggled along for as long as we could, and finally one day Daddy packed up our battered pickup truck, and we left the old farm. After a long, dusty three hundred mile drive, we ended up at my Uncle Jim's place. Uncle Jim was actually Daddy's Uncle, my great uncle. Following a quiet, hushed conversation with Daddy and Momma, Uncle Jim agreed to let us stay with him and his family in exchange for Daddy and the boys working on the farm, Momma helping Aunt Dee Dee with housework and cooking, and me tending to the animals.

Happily, things seemed to work out well for all of us for a while. Daddy, Uncle Jim, my brothers and Uncle Jim's son Jude who was about twenty-five at the time, even worked together to build on two additional bedrooms at the rear of the house. For the first time in a very long time, I had begun to feel as if things would be okay, that despite the difficult times we had already endured, we could be reasonably secure here with Uncle Jim.

At least that's what I thought in the beginning, but within that first year of our moving there, my life was turned upside down.

It was because of Jude, my cousin Jude.

Sure, we were relatives, but I didn't really know the folks on Daddy's side of the family that well. Though Uncle and Auntie were sweet and helpful to us, they were still practically strangers, especially cousin Jude.

Jude was a ruggedly good looking man, tall and hard bodied from years of working on his family's farm, thick dark hair and piercing grey eyes. From the beginning, in spite of his being my cousin, I was attracted to him, but at the same time cautious of him. He made me uncomfortable the way he would watch me, follow me around, always trying to touch me. I think I might have even been a little afraid of him. It wasn't until the night that I caught him peering through my bedroom window while I was changing for bed that my apprehension suddenly became real. Standing there naked, I pulled on my robe, ran down the hall to Momma's room and tried to tell her what had happened.

As soon as I entered her room, I blurted out what had happened. I could tell by the look on her face and the way she spoke to me that she didn't believe me or was afraid to believe me.

"You stay away from that boy, she said, you hear me? Keep away from him."

I looked at Momma and thought I saw a brief flicker of concern in her eyes.

"Momma?" I asked

Just as quickly, her concern was replaced with accusations. "I'm not surprised, she said. If I can see the way you flaunt yourself around here, no wonder the boy is always looking at you."

"Momma, I never . . ." but before I could finish my denial, she cut me off.

"You better stop swishing around here and teasing these boys . . . you're just asking for trouble, girl."

Did she actually believe I had intentionally done something to encourage Jude's attentions?

I remember from the time I started budding out, Momma was forever cautioning me to be careful when I was alone or around any of the menfolk. Before we lost our farm, she had already noticed how the boys from school had started coming by and how the farm hands would watch me lustfully when they saw me around the farm tending the animals or working in the garden.

I wouldn't say I was an innocent exactly, I liked boys, and they liked me, but I wasn't a slut or anything like that either. My folks didn't know, but I had a "boyfriend" who I had let take small liberties. At night, I would sneak out to meet him and I even allowed him to fondle my breasts under my blouse and finger me occasionally. Though now nineteen and having lived in the country with seven older brothers, copulating farm animals, infrequent visitors and a myriad of itinerant farm hands, I was still a virgin.

Hurt and disappointed by her reaction, with tears brimming in my eyes, I walked back to my room and closed the door.

*****

I was emotionally exhausted and wanted to crawl into bed and forget Jude, forget Momma and just go to sleep. I removed my robe and felt my nipples contract from the chill in the room, I reached up and touched the hard, sensitive peaks. Tossing the robe across the foot of the bed, I glanced up and saw that the window curtains were still parted, and the window partially opened. Had I opened the window and forgotten to close it?

Without thinking, I walked around the bed to the window and standing there naked and exposed, stared into the darkness, clearly visible to anyone who might be outside.

Catching my reflection in the now closed window, I took in the image of the girl who returned my gaze. Barely 5' 4" and 120 lbs., I looked in wonderment at the figure, remembering that just a few years earlier I had been a skinny, knobby kneed tomboy running and playing around our farm. In that short span of time, my body had changed. No longer the tomboy, my body had become a woman's body. Long, thick, blonde hair cascaded in soft profusion about my face and over my shoulders with a darker blonde tuft of curly, still girlish hair covering the mound between my legs. Full sensual lips, clear bright blue eyes, accented by thick, dark eyelashes. Almost without my noticing, I had become a butterfly; smooth shapely legs, slim waist, curving hips, tight, firm ass, all complemented by full, pert breasts, with long, dark pink nipples.

I heard a noise and looking more intently into the window's reflection saw Jude standing on the other side of the room.

A sudden feeling of being a trapped animal washed over me, and an awful tightness griped my chest as I stood there and watched him unbuckle his pants and let them drop to the floor. How long had he been there? He was already in full erection, hard and swollen, a thick bead of pre-cum glistening on the tip of his cock. Shocked, I could only stare at him in silence as he began stroking himself, a leering grin spreading across his face.

I could feel the sexual tension increase as my eyes involuntarily drifted downward. His cock was so big, much bigger than my brothers were. Having grown up in a house full of brothers, I had caught occasional glimpses of them in their rooms changing clothes or walking unselfconsciously from the shower to their bedrooms, but despite this male environment, I had never seen anything like this; I had never seen any of them in this degree of sexual arousal. The sight of the rigid red cock between his legs was . . . was almost scary.

"Come here, little cousin. I'm going to teach you how to suck my dick. I'm going to teach you how to suck it just the way I like before I cum in that prissy little mouth of yours."

I wanted to scream, but I couldn't, the sound won't come.

"If you don't get out of here Jude, I'm gonna tell everybody what you're doing," I said.

After a long pause he said, "No. No, I don't think you will. If you breathe a word of what we're going to do, you and your family will be out of here. Besides, no one would believe you. In a way, us being cousins will make what I tell them about you even worse. Do you think my folks would want you around here knowing how you "seduced" their son? Knowing how you had been teasing me since you came, and how when I couldn't take it any more and was too weak to stay away from you, you slipped me into your room one night and let me fuck you. At least that's the story I'll tell them, and they'll believe me, too."

"That's a lie!" I shouted, tears of frustration and disbelief spilling over.

"Why, Jude? I've never done anything to you."

"Ever since you and your family came here, you've acted like you were better than me, too good to talk to me . . . well, you're not! "

"Get over here, on your knees in front of me, you little bitch," he said to me with barely subdued anger in his voice, "do it now."

I stood naked in front of him, my hair falling undone from its comb hung in thick tendrils over my shoulders. I blushed with increasing embarrassment when I realized how sensitive and hard my nipples had become.

"Get on your knees," he ordered.

I could feel the cool wetness between my legs as I walked toward him and knelt. He had been stroking himself the whole time, and his cock was rigid and jerking as he reached out, cupped my chin, making me lift my head to face him.

Pushing his cock between my parted lips, he began slowly to move it in and out of my mouth. I could feel his ball sack become hard and tight in his excitement as it slammed against my chin with each inward thrust. I reached up thinking to take it in my hand so I could control his thrust, but my hand was small and did not reach completely around his cock's thickness. I managed to close my hand partially and started moving it up and down his shaft, stroking it until he began to moan.

I had never had a man's cock in my mouth before and its taste, feel and smell repulsed me. I tried to pull away, but the pressure of his hand at the back of my head prevented that. He would moan with each thrust of his hips, his cockhead rubbing against the roof of my mouth until it pressed unrelentingly against the back of my throat. I could feel him growing bigger, filling my throat and I began to gag and try to break his hold, but with his hands entwined in my hair, he held my head in front of him and continued to mouth fuck me faster and deeper. It wasn't until he felt my throat muscles contract, release around his cock that he suddenly pulled out and ejaculated warm thick cum onto my face and breasts. It seemed to go on for a long time before he had finally emptied his balls. He pushed me away and told me to lay on the floor and masturbate myself. I did as he said, masturbating until I came in an embarrassing but strangely satisfying orgasm.

"You keep your mouth shut he warned," as he pulled on his pants and adjusted his dick. He jerked me to my feet and kissed me hard on the mouth, "keep your mouth shut," he repeated and climbing through the window, disappeared into the darkness.

I lay down on the bed for several minutes, curled into a ball. I was ashamed of how my body had reacted, how I had masturbated for him and cum writhing and crying on the floor. Most of all I was ashamed because I had felt disappointment when he had not cum in my mouth. I finally got up off the bed and still naked, his cum sticky on my face and tits, I stood at the window remembering the feel of his lips on mine and began to cry until I couldn't cry any more.

*****

It had been awhile since the night Jude made me take him in my mouth and with time's passing the pain and the sense of humiliation lessened. As summer gradually changed to fall, it seemed Jude had started to keep his distance and only spoke to me if he absolutely had to and I tried to stay away from him as well and foolishly began to let my guard down.

One afternoon, Momma and Aunt Dee Dee had driven into town. Daddy, Uncle Jim and the boys were in the North pasture clearing tree stumps.

The barn was dim and quiet as I gentle rustled through the hay searching for eggs when I heard the barn door creak open and close. I turned toward the sound, and I saw it was Jude. In a growing panic, I wanted to run but doubted I'd be able to get pass Jude. In the quiet and seclusion of the barn, he had freed himself and was fondling his cock, coaxing it to life. Mesmerized I stood watching it grow longer and fuller. His dick was soon pointing straight out from his body, its thick veins clearly visible in a hazy shaft of light that filtered in from a high loft window.

Gathering my wits, I bolted for the door only to have Jude grab my arm in a viselike grip and pull me down onto the hay covered barn floor. Struggling under him, he pulled my old, tattered housedress up over my hips, tore my panties off and covered me with his large hard body. His hand found its way between my legs and began fondling, messaging my clit, eventually slipping several fingers in and out of my pussy. I squirmed beneath him, trying to push him off me and felt him push another finger inside me stretching my pussy open, readying me for his penetration.

He stared down at me with glassy grey eyes, spread my pussy lips with his fingers, and started pushing inside me. Slowly, he pressed his engorged cockhead into my tight, virginal pussy making me cringe from the assault.

I stopped struggling and in a soft mewling voice said, "Please, Jude. Please stop . . . it hurts," and began to cry.

"It'll stop hurting. It'll start feeling good," he said, caressing my cheek and brushing strands of damp hair from my face. His gentleness surprised me, but he continued to guide his long, thick cock inside me. I was very tight, and I remember again thinking 'he's too big for me. If he doesn't stop, he's going to hurt me more,' but scared and in shock, I said nothing. I lay there whimpering when he started pulling out, but quickly realized he had left his bulbous cockhead snug inside me. In my naivety and with an inner sigh of relief I thought, 'oh my god . . . it's over; he'll leave me alone now,' just as he suddenly took hold of my hips and forced himself inside of me, tearing through my virginity and burying his full rigid length in me up to his balls.

I screamed in pained surprise only to have him quickly cover my mouth with his hand successfully muffling my cry.

"Shhhh, shhhh . . ." he said in a cajoling voice while he slowly, deliberately stroked in and out of my traumatized pussy. Soon the pain did subside, and the warm, pleasant sensation of his cock filling me was all I could focus on. I moaned out load and felt my pussy instinctively, on some primal level contract hard around his cock, needing to, wanting to keep it inside my body. Jude began to move faster, and I could feel a pressure building between my thighs. As he pounded into me, he grabbed my breasts and began to squeeze. The harder he fucked me, the harder he squeezed and pinched my nipples sending sharp almost electric like sensations sizzling to my clit, finally exploding in a body wrenching orgasm.

I was left trembling and shaking from my orgasm, overwhelmed by what had just happened, and yet I immediately started cumming a second time when he lifted my legs onto his shoulders and started fucking into me again. Gripping my hips so tightly that he left large black and blue bruises, he gave an agonized cry as he began spurting his load high up into my now yielding pussy. He made a groaning sound that seemed to come from deep in his chest, as he forcefully filled my pussy with spurt after copious spurt of his cum.

After a while, he slumped down on top of me and rested for a few minutes before he withdrew his softening cock, trailing a thin silvery thread of cum still connected us to each other.

That was our first time together, the first of many times we shared and enjoyed each other.

*****

Ignoring my tears and futile attempts to fight him off, my cousin Jude took me like that in the barn, where no one could hear or see him whenever he could catch me out there alone. Intimidated and afraid that my family would be turned out if I angered him, I eventually stopped fighting and would lay there in the soft freshly mown hay, with the farm animals and dogs watching as he took his time loving me and inevitably cumming inside me. I had no one to tell, not Aunt Dee Dee, definitely not Momma and so he had his way with me over the next six months without my resisting.

After missing my period for the second month in a row, I also began vomiting like clockwork each morning. Momma became suspicious and put the pieces together. Not mincing any words, she came right out and told me that I was pregnant. She wanted to know who the boy was, and when I wouldn't reveal the name of the father, she told Daddy. They came to my room and told me if I wouldn't give them the father's name, I would have to leave. How could I tell them that it was cousin Jude who had taken my virginity and who was now, pretty much whenever he wanted to, pressing his long, thick man's cock inside their little girl's pussy and pounding her until he came and more times than not making her cum, gyrating and squirming in a powerful orgasm under him.

Jude was the first man I had ever been with. My feelings about sex, about men, were what I had learned from Jude. Jude had taught me that it was pointless for me to fight. My role was to submit quietly, let him mount me without struggling or resisting (unless he wanted me to), and open my legs for his penetration. At that point, the fact that he was my cousin meant nothing to him; in fact, it seemed his arousal was heightened knowing we were related, knowing he was fucking and cumming inside his little cousin.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was reconciled to the fact that I would have to leave rather than shame my family. In those days, there was little sympathy for a child born out of wedlock and even less compassion for the girl who regardless of the circumstances had gotten herself knocked up.

Jude seemed surprised when I told him I was pregnant; I don't know what he thought would eventually happen, especially in light of the way we were fucking each other every chance we got. Adding to this was his feelings about not wasting his seed. In my inexperience, I had made obviously ineffective attempts to protect myself. Most times he would cum inside me unless it was time for my monthly in which case he would cum in my mouth or on rare occasions, I would reluctantly let him cum in my ass.

With this attitude, you can see how he so easily and quickly succeeded in getting me knocked up.

*****

Considering I never thought I would feel this way, to my surprise, I had actually grown to welcome and enjoy Jude's attentions. I secretly wanted to stay at the farm with my family and with Jude, but when I began to show with a tiny bump only a lover would have noticed, Momma said it was time. She helped me find a place in a rooming house two towns further down the highway, and I left. It was hard, but with help from a charity in town, and doing light cooking and housework at the rooming house, I managed.

No one except Momma and Daddy knew where I had moved to, and so you can understand my surprise when one evening maybe two weeks later, I answered a knock on my door only to find Jude standing there, scowling. I didn't ask him how he had found out where I was; I was just happy he had and that he would be near when I needed him. That night, we had sex for the first time in a long time. Raw, needy incestuous fucking that continued throughout the duration of my pregnancy.

*****

Not long after the baby was born, I met a much older, balding man, with an increasing middle age spread named Franklin Ebersol. Franklin was a salesman who kept permanent residence at the rooming house; he was a quiet, solitary man who didn't seem to have very many friends or visitors, male or female. Right off, I could tell he was interested in me despite my pregnancy and so I became interested in him, quickly recognizing that his generosity toward me varied with the amount of sex I gave him. Within a few months, he was talking about our getting married.The country was still feeling the impact of the Depression, but as far as I was concerned having sex with Franklin in exchange for a home and security for me and my baby was well worth it.

I introduced Jude to Franklin as my favorite and closest cousin, which explained why he was there at the rooming house visiting me so often. Throughout the first year of my marriage to Franklin, Jude and I continued discreetly to enjoy each other's company and to have regular sex. Despite how it had started, our relationship had long ago changed from simply being cousins to becoming committed lovers. By the time Franklin and I moved away to a different state, Jude had impregnated me with his second child, another little boy. Two years later Franklin and I would have our own child, a baby girl.

Ten years went by, and Jude and I continued to see each other as often as we could. Eventually, Jude who had also married but had no children divorced his wife for reasons I can confidently say had nothing to do with me. Soon after his divorce, Jude moved to the same town where I resided and found a large, comfortable house a few blocks from us.

I can't really describe how, but Jude's moving here had subtlely changed the dynamics of the interactions between the three of us. Because of his nearness and constant presence at our home, the children (our two sons, and my daughter) were thrilled and looked upon him as another father figure (which in fact he was). They loved Jude as a close member of our family and neither Franklin nor the boys ever suspected Jude was the boys' father.

Though we maintained separate houses, the relationship between Jude and me on an emotional and physical level had become more like that of a married couple. I know that may sound strange, but even after all of those years, the attraction between us was stronger and more demanding than ever. It was difficult for us to keep apart and within six months of Jude moving to our town, I was joyfully pregnant with his third child, another boy. Franklin understandably assumed the baby was his.

*****

My husband Franklin had become a prosperous, well respected member of the community who provided me with the material things I had done without as a little girl. He had married me when I was a dirt poor, nineteen year old girl with a baby and given me a new life. I was almost thirty then, and in spite of my relationship with Jude, my marriage to Franklin had grown into a comfortable arrangement for both of us, sexually and otherwise. Franklin had been almost twenty years older than me when we married, and he had made it clear that my part of our bargain was to take care of him, his home, bare him babies and to give him sex. I had no problem with that . . . I owed him everything.

Very little changed over the years, at forty-nine years old and thirty pounds heavier, in spite of his quite, introverted nature, Franklin's sexual proclivities had not changed and he still expected me willingly to accommodate him sexually whenever and however he desired. I understood this, and as the dutiful wife, I never refused him even though Jude had become a regular sex partner. Jude and I had always tried to be careful and discrete, but I sometimes felt, though I didn't know for sure, that Frank was aware of or at the least suspected that my cousin Jude and I had been carrying on an intimate sexual relationship for many years and that Jude was the father of our boys and not him. He had to have known something, but Frank never expressed a word of doubt or suspicion about anything.

In a way I saw his refusal to talk about what was happening as his condoning it. How could he have not known? It just seemed eerily coincidental that there would be occasions when Frank would come home unexpectedly and unwittingly want to, demand to have sex after I had been with Jude only a short time before. In the beginning, I was afraid he might sense a change in my demeanor or worse that I would still be wet with Jude's cum inside me; but he apparently never noticed those things. Instead, he would throw me onto the bed, strip his clothes off and fuck me hard and mercilessly until he came. He'd then want to cuddle behind me fondling my breasts, rolling and painfully pinching my nipples between his fingers. Sometimes he would want to masturbate me, or sometimes have me take him in my mouth and suckle at his cock until he fell asleep, happy and satisfied. The rough sex could be scary and unsettling, but when he took me like that, the sex with him never failed to give me strong, very intense orgasms.

*****

Whatever he did or didn't know about Jude and me apparently was not enough for him to want to end our marriage. In his own way, Franklin cared for me, loved our children, and still enjoyed fucking me. I had often thought the extraordinary sex we shared might have been the driving force in holding our marriage together; the sex between us was familiar, often and satisfying, but never boring.

Looking back, I can truthfully say that I was fortunate to have met and married a man like Franklin. He, though quiet, he was a strong, self-confident man, secure in his own sexuality who had never felt threatened by Jude and did not find offense in being a cuckold (is that the right word?).

Obviously, some personal needs were being met for all three of us in this conventional arrangement.

Our lives went on like this for many more years. When our children grew older and moved away to start their own lives, Jude moved into the large, remodeled coach house at the rear of our property and the three of us lived our lives together enjoying our special relationship.