Farewell Life

"I'm happy" I whispered the opposite of what I feel, I'm looking at him with full of pain and sorrow but still I keep on smiling even though I'm in pain. I bow my head and stop from playing my violin. He is currently playing his piano while his eyes are closed.

When will you see my existence? When will you accept my presence? But I guess I'm now contended with what we have, but am I really contended? Am I really contended watching you from afar while you are happy with someone else?

"Are you ok?" One of my friend ask me with a worrying tone in her voice. I look around and see that almost everyone here in the stage are looking at me except him, maybe because I stop playing with my violin.

"I'm sorry, may we rest even just for a minute?" I asked to our musical conductor. Our musical conductor looks at her watch and looks at all of us.

"You may now go home, it's late and get some rest" Our musical conductor said as she dismissed all of us.

Everyone already go home but still I'm sitting here at the center where my chair has been placed while I'm still holding my violin. I began to play I won't give up on my violin and while I'm playing a hot transparent liquid began falling into my cheeks numerously like there is no tomorrow.

"Stupid tss" He said coldly while looking at me using his cold stare. I was petrified with my chair as I stop from moving my hands but the tears still rolling down into my cheeks.

I thought he left? I thought everyone left already? Why did he stay? But he notice me... at least he already know I'm exsisting.

He  but I don't know why I suddenly ask him and I don't know where I got the guts to ask him to stay.

"Can you please stay?" I said straightly without stuttering as I look directly in his eyes. I'm secretly hoping that he will stay 'cause I need him, I badly need him because he's my only hope right now and if he chose to leave me.. I guess it will just lead me into another mess.

🎶 Oh, won't you stay with me? 🎶

He didn't stop from walking but when he reach the last step of the stairs he stop as he looks at me like he was a bit a surprise but that expression is completely gone when he started to reply to my question into another question that made me loose the little hope I kept since the first time I saw him.

🎶 'Cause you're all I need 🎶

"Why would I stay?" He asked while staring at my eyes without any emotion can be seen in his eyes. STAY PLEASE!! JUST STAY PLEASE EVEN FOR THE LAST TIME!!

🎶 This ain't love, it's clear to see 🎶

"And who are you for me to stay" He said not a question but a statement as he turn his back and walk away, he vanish after he said those words that broke me into pieces. I-I lost my only chance, I lost my only hope, I lost him and I know that he was never been mine but, why do I feel like that I lost the person that I own?

🎶 But, darling, stay with me 🎶

"But darling, stay with me" I whispered when he's already gone and no longer can be seen in my hazel brown eyes.

I stood from my chair as I put down my violin, I walk near at the piano and sit in front of it as I began to touch the keyboard.

I called my mother 'cause I want to know something.

"What do you need?" My mother asked coldly at me like I'm a stranger.

"I-I want to know if you will be fine if I'm gone f-forever?" I asked as my chest became heavy.

"Yes it will be verry fine" My mother said as she end up the call. Life has been cruel to me and I don't know why but honestly I'm fine well lately I felt like I became numb not physically but emotionally.

I guess no one needs me anymore but I hope I won't regret this choice of mine, a choice to give up and run away from everything just like giving myself a freedom from this misery but, in next I don't want to commit the same mistakes again, the mistake of giving up running away from everything.

I cried as I began to play the song I play when I'm sad. Farewell life a song that I always wanted to play.

I never stop playing even though I already finished playing the whole song I just stayed until the sun waves its light into my face. My fingers are numb as well as my hand even though the sun is hitting my face I didn't stop playing the piano and never had I ever thought today, the word stop 'cause I'm scared that I could just make another mistake again.

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