Subjected to another trial of my misfortune.

|Innaya|

I am not sure how many people liked the idea of being chased by their demons but I surely didn't. Something along the lines that- dealing with your demons face on makes you a stronger person. I truly hated this principal. Facing your innermost fears in such a way was nothing but sheer torture and in no way, I was willing to inflict such torture on myself.

'Life is unfair though, when had it asked for our choices? Take a live example of a figure rushing towards me for that matter. Have I asked for this?' The answer was a simple no, but yet here I was, ready to be subjected to another trial of my misfortune.

'No, please. Don't.' I desperately pleaded inside my mind.

I wanted to close my eyes, in hope of pretending that it was nothing but a nightmare and when I opened my eyes, it would be over. I wanted to focus on my breathing so that I didn't lose myself into the darkness. I wanted to run further and further away from him. I wanted to do so many things for my own sanity but I couldn't even make a single movement.

My feet were frozen and so did my whole body. My eyelashes didn't flutter; they stayed wide open, staring in horror at the front. At that time my mind had long ago stopped processing. My eyes couldn't see what was in front anymore. There was some blurry kind of barrier blocking my vision.

The pounding in my head increased as that figure closed nearer and nearer to me. The distance between us wasn't large, to begin with, so it all happened within a couple of seconds only. There were a couple of shouts around me but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

Just as I thought he was going to strike me or worse… a large shadow fell on me, completely separating me from the incoming danger. The broad shoulders in front of me were like a big mountain- firm, unyielding and unmoving, protecting the lives of many under its protection.

"Take him out of here," someone yelled.

"Sahil, leave."

"What happened to her?"

"What's wrong?"

"Arjun, what's going on?"

"Why she looks like she has seen a ghost?"

"Innaya?"

The voices got louder and louder but somehow they weren't reaching to me. I couldn't make out anything clearly and I couldn't see anything either.

I struggled to breathe as fear overpowered my senses. Through the haze crowding my mind, suddenly hands were holding me. Something was being said and I knew it was being spoken to me but I couldn't understand.

Just I thought I would collapse, the feeling of smooth, soft cloth pressing against the skin of my palms broke through my raised walls. I lowered my head as my fingers automatically wrapped tightly on my wrist.

I blinked my eyes to get rid of that blurriness obstructing my view. Then only I realized that I was crying and it was tears that blinded my vision earlier. Once my eyes found their focus, my mind started calming down.

Even if it was just a small piece of cloth that belonged to my husband, my mind recognized it instantly. That recognition brought a sense of relief and safety to my troubled heart.

Clutching the tie with my fingertips I brought my wrist near my chest, almost hugging it. My eyes refused to part with it and they were glued to that tie. My breathing slowly started returning to normal as I focused on nothing but the things that reminded me of Eshan. The smell of Eshan's body wash, I'd used also helped me to feel closer to Eshan. I slowly breathed in the scent of my husband and that also reminded me of the times when Eshan had helped in chasing away my panic attacks.

"Have dinner and retire to your room."

I lifted my head to look at the person speaking to me.

Four pairs of eyes were looking worriedly at me, excluding Arjun. I quickly averted my eyes when they fell on Sahil. The closest to me was Arjun. Either he was a very good actor or he probably hated me because there wasn't an ounce of worry or care in his eyes. His voice was also detached and cold as if I was some stranger. He stood with a couple of steps distance between us- uncaring.

I nodded, a wave sadness washed over me. This incident just proved that I had lost a brother. Last time I had seen how worried he was for me but now, it seemed as if he doesn't care.

'I deserve it.'

Keeping my head down, I left the living room. My hand still tightly held on the tie, it was the only thing that gave me comfort. I knew Eshan's friends were waiting for some sort of explanation from my side, maybe some other time.

*

I directly sat down on the dining chair once I was away from all of their eyes. My energy had already drained long ago. I didn't have in it me to eat but for Arjun's sake, I had to. That didn't mean I couldn't take a breather.

It didn't take long for the silent living room to turn into a chaotic discussion room.

"Arjun, what's wrong with her?" Barun asked and I could hear worry in it.

"Why is he still here?" Arjun questioned instead and I understood it was for Sahil. The mere thought of Sahil being outside unsettled me. I knew I shouldn't be afraid of him but that was a rational part of my brain, the scared part couldn't handle him. The image of his seething eyes was like an ugly parasite, stuck to me, draining me of my life.

"You don't have that right. It must be another crazy trick of hers but I won't be fooled. I agree I shouldn't have behaved that way. I couldn't control myself. She is no saint either, she is manipulative—" Sahil yelled. He was saying it to me.

It hurt.

I didn't know what happened out there but then everything quietened down out there.

I sighed heavily.

I glanced down at the tie on my wrist. At this time, this was the only thing I could rely on.

"Eshan, please come back. I miss you. I'm sorry for acting that way but please, let me explain. I'm scared. I need you. Please, Eshan," I whispered, biting my lips. My emotions were stirring once again but it was as if I had no more tears shed for today.