Lesson 3: My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon

"I didn't know you have a brother," Hoseok said out of the blue one day as they were practicing some of the finer points of villainy.

You know, extortion, blackmail, the like.

"Half-brother," Namjoon corrected without thinking. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the best methods of extracting information from prisoners and unsuspecting civilians-"

"You have a half-brother?" Seokjin asked curiously, interrupting his lesson again.

"Had. Now can we please pay attention to the lesson?"

Namjoon stood there, hands on his hips and a large frown on his face in an attempt to seem more threatening than he knew he actually was.

"Not until you explain what you meant by had," Jimin protested, though his expression was one of excitement more than anything else. "Were you disowned or something? Orphaned and left all alone until some kind person found you and adopted you? Oh, what about-"

"Can you stop trying to give me some kind of sob story?" Namjoon sighed. "Besides, you aren't even close to being right."

Jimin hummed in thought for a moment before brightening. "What if-"

"No," Namjoon said sternly.

"But I haven't even said anything yet," Jimin groaned and pouted.

"Doesn't matter. It was wrong anyway."

Jimin looked over at him suspiciously. "And how would you know? You can't read minds."

He paused before scrutinizing Namjoon even more. "You can't, right?"

"I can't," Namjoon confirmed, "But I still know your guess is wrong."

"Not fair," Jimin pouted and Seokjin rubbed his back comfortingly.

(Namjoon still didn't understand why someone so inherently nice would choose to become a villain. All he knew is that anyone who gives candy to children, volunteers at the local shelter or babysits for free isn't to be trusted, and Seokjin was all of those.)

"How about this," Namjoon offered, keeping a watchful eye on Seokjin. "I'll tell you once you manage to successfully get this man who has oh-so-kindly volunteered his time to tell you where the town's wealth is hidden. And this goes for all of you."

"I didn't volunteer for anythi-" the man protested but was quickly cut off when Namjoon placed a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up and cooperate, will you?" Namjoon glanced down at him, meeting his glare before sighing and looking over at Jimin.

"... Fine," Jimin grumbled. He took a deep breath and started walking over to the captive townsperson, Seokjin offering words of encouragement from behind him.

"Where is it?" Jimin hissed, grabbing at the townsperson's clothes and pulling him up by the collar. "Tell me if you want to live."

"I'll never tell you!" he spat (figuratively and literally) in Jimin's face, causing him to let go and shriek indignantly.

"Jimin, failed. Next," Namjoon called without even looking up from the notebook he was writing in.

"Oh, I'll go!" Hoseok raised his hand excitedly as he approached the man and did his best to look vaguely threatening.

Namjoon made a note to go over that with him later.

"Yo," He began, trying to be nonchalant. "Tell me where all the money is."

Namjoon added subtlety to the list.

"Why would I ever tell you?" The man grimaced and Hoseok sighed, shaking his head.

"Well, you heard the man, he won't tell."

"Are you being serious here or are you just messing with me?" Namjoon asked blankly as he glanced between Hoseok and the townsperson. "Please tell me you're messing with me."

"Messing with you?" Hoseok gasped and placed his hand on his chest dramatically. "Never."

Namjoon sighed and once again regretted being given this job.

"Jeongguk, you're up next."

Namjoon had high hopes for the kid. Well, higher. They weren't that high.

The boy was threatening though, he at least had to give him that much. Somehow the kid was a fitness nut despite being a magic-user and it was safe to say that his arms alone could terrify a lesser man into soiling his briefs and handing over all his worldly possessions.

However, it appeared that this man was not of the lesser variety and stood his ground (Sat? He was kind of tied to a chair). Jeongguk's expression was stony as he stood somewhat aggressively in front of him.

"I'll cut you a deal," Jeongguk said nonchalantly as he began to walk around the chair, making the man look nervously over his shoulder. "We'll play a game and if I win, you tell me what I want to know. If you win, I'll leave you alone."

"Mind games," Namjoon remarked, surprised, as he jotted it down. "Good. At least someone here is learning."

"... Do I have much of a choice?" The man asked skeptically and Jeongguk shrugged in return.

"Not really, no." He loosened the ropes slightly around the man's wrist and held out his fist. "Are you ready?"

Namjoon watched carefully as Jeongguk stared at the man, who slowly nodded. Jeongguk lifted his fist and everyone braced themselves for the activation of a spell. (Jeongguk was only good at high-level, high-power spells and any simple ones usually blew up in his face. It was a lose-lose situation for his enemies and bystanders alike.) He brought his fist down sharply and screamed.

"ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS!"

Namjoon could feel his eye twitch in irritation. Jeongguk held out scissors. The man held out rock.

"No!" Jeongguk wailed, staring at his hand in horror. "I believed in you! Scissors, why did you betray me like this?"

"I don't know why I bothered having any hope," Namjoon muttered as he aggressively erased his notes. "He's a dumbass."

Jeongguk sat down facing the wall and moped, mourning over the outcome of the match. Namjoon just sighed.

"Please tell me Yoongi isn't sleeping," he groaned as he pressed a finger against his forehead.

"Um," Hoseok began with a glance at Yoongi who was most definitely asleep. "Too late."

"Of course he is. Right. Fine. Whatever. Seokjin. Go."

It was safe to say he still didn't have much hope.

"Hello there," Seokjin waved and smiled. The man looked at him skeptically. "I'm Seokjin."

"I won't tell you anything, you're all evil!" The man glared and pulled at his restraints but Seokjin only shook his head and sighed.

"You're being quite rude, you know that? If you could just kindly tell me what I need to know, everything will be fine and you'll be on your way."

"And why should I listen to you?" He huffed and Seokjin let out a laugh that sounded like a strange mix of the tinkling of bells and the sound that happens when one cleans a window.

"I would highly recommend listening," he said with a smile so innocent that most would immediately forgive him of anything. "After all, it wouldn't be a good thing if anything happened to your home. And what was your sister's name again? Annelise? Such a sweet girl."

Seokjin leaned in close and whispered something that Namjoon couldn't hear into the man's ear and with every word his face grew paler.

"That's impossible! There's no way you could have-"

"Is there any way of proving that I haven't?" Seokjin asked slyly and the man shut up.

"Fine… just… just don't touch my home. You can do whatever you want to my neighbours, they're annoying, just don't do anything to my house." He hung his head and sighed. "All the riches of the town are hidden in the cave beyond the waterfall."

"Pleasure doing business with you," Seokjin said with a grin, blowing the grimacing man a kiss.

Namjoon exhaled shakily. Seokjin was definitely not to be trusted.

"Now," Seokjin said, spinning to face him. "Spill."

Namjoon had to restrain a shudder but sighed as he stared at their expectant faces.

"He was going to take the family riches, so I killed him."

"That's it?" Jimin asked in disbelief. "All that work and all you did was kill him?"

"I never said the answer would be satisfying, did I?" Namjoon responded and Jimin screamed in frustration.

"I can't believe you had the audacity-"

"I can't believe that my scissors betrayed me!" Jeongguk sobbed from over by the wall.

Namjoon just wanted to bash his head against something very solid and maybe get a concussion. It would probably be less painful than dealing with his so-called students.