Side Story - A Certain Past Life

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"I don't want to marry big brother?"

"Why, is Gege[1] that bad?"

He asked while staring at his innocent 7-year-old sister,

"That's because we'd only fight all the time, like mommy and daddy. I'd also get hit a lot by you. I don't want that."

'...'

He stared at the little girl before him. She was hugging a white bunny plush toy. It had a button eye while the other one was a blue plastic diamond.

He had sewed it on for her because the button eye went missing. He looked back at her face. She had short black hair and blue eyes that were uncommon in most Asians.

He was turning 18 this year and had finished high school early. He would also be leaving for overseas to attend college soon. He was worried for her but he knew he couldn't bring her with him.

"All marriages aren't bad." He knelt down and told the girl before him.

"I know. Fei Fei's parents bring her to Disneyland every week. They always celebrate their anniversaries. They even started saying that they should also start doing daysarries. Mian Mian's parents always find time in their busy schedules to be with her. Xiao Hong's parents dote on him very much, he has already become an extremely spoiled brat at the age of 7."

"They don't mind that though. 'Just as long as he's happy' they say. Gege, I...I..."

As she said all that, her tiny head was lowering itself with every word she said. Her grip on the plush bunny tightened even further. And then she raised her head up.

"I'm jealous... Gege, I envy them... I want to be able to smile... I don't want to have to hide in my room in fear of glass shards flying towards me... I want to be hugged and kissed by mommy and daddy... I... I..."

It was a face full of tears. She was desperately trying to hold them back. It was because her father would give her a look of disappointment if there was even a single sign of a tear dropping from her eyes... And instead of having her mother to rely on, she would scream at her when she cried out loud.

Because of that, she would never cry out loud, she would never express herself openly in fear of being yelled at. She would instead become the quiet and obedient child that everybody wanted. She would have a smile plastered on her face whenever in public and would only talk when talked to.

He only quietly hugged his sister. She still didn't let her tears out. But she calmed down. After a while, he released her from his hug and took off a diamond-shaped earring on his left ear and showed it in front of her. He was fond of piercings.

"Gege, what is that for?"

"Here, always keep it close to you. It's a present from me to you. If I'm not here, then use this as a reminder of me, okay?"

He gently put the earring into her soft and white hands. Yue safely put inside of her plush rabbit toy because it had a zipper that could be opened at its back.

She then let out a smile. It was a genuine one, not like the fake ones she always had to put on whenever going outside. It showcased the cute little dimples she had on her cheeks. He told her that she could only show that smile to someone close to her or to him.

It was after that he left. That was the last memory he had of her before leaving for abroad. He would only see her 7 years later again. In a white room, with her on a bed and she could only tell him.

'Gege...I'm sorry.'

.

.

.

'I can't smile for you anymore.'

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Noel jumped up from his bed. He had his mask laid down on a bedside table at his left. He checked his face only to feel lingering traces of tears.

'That f*cking dream again.'

And then he went back to sleep, albeit with a bit difficulty.