Jar of Hearts

Alexander. The man who gives life to the butterflies on my stomach. The man who shows me what love really is. He is the man whom I love so so much. He is the great love of my life. And I can still remember the day where the two of us met.

It was my freshmen year in college back then. That's the rough year of my college life. Sobrang daming adjustments ang naranasan ko. And unang-una na don yung pagtira ko ng mag-isa here in manila. My family is in Ilocos, ako lang ang nasa Manila to finish my studies. Living alone in our house here in Manila. That was friday night, I was having my dinner at 7/11. Yeah, dinner at 7/11, wala na kasi akong time non para magprepare ng meal. And the whole week, that time, was just so stressful and hectic for me. Kakatapos ko nga lang nung araw na yun ipresent yung thesis ko sa prof namin. That's why, nung araw na yun I was so exhausted. Kulang sa tulog and pahinga, I just wanna sleep when I go home.

I bought myself a siopao, a hotdog and slurpy for my so called dinner. I was eating peacefully when a guy with black hoodie, faded jeans and worn out Converse approached me. He has this joyful aura on him. He asked kung pwede makishare ng table, so pumayag naman ako. Looking at his features, masasabi mo talagang gwapo sya. After kong maubos yung dinner ko patayo na ko nung mauna syang tumayo mula sa kinauupuan nya. Di ko na din pinansin at nag ayos na ng gamit. Gusto ko na talaga matulog that time. A step ahead the door, bago ko pa mabuksan yung door ng 7/11 may kumalabit sakin. It was him, the guy with black hoodie. He was holding an ice cream. Bigla nya nalang tinapat sa mukha ko yung isa.

"I'm Alexander" sabay nyang sabi. Natatawa kong kinuha yung ice cream sa kamay nya and there I saw that priceless grin he's wearing. That grin was so contagious, mapapangiti ka nalang din pag tinitigan mo.

"Cae" I answered.

From that day, I can say that we became  friends. We have common friends kaya madalas magkakasama kami. Until the day when he asked for my permission if he can court me. I told him that Im not ready for a relationship. But that didn't stop him. He said that he respects my answer but that doesn't mean he will not court me. Hindi nya daw ako minamadali. He will do everything until bigyan ko sya ng sagot. And that's where it begins. Nanligaw sya for almost a year. And there was never a time na nagreklamo sya o tinanong nya ko kung kailan ko ba sya sasagutin. That time I know, I already fall for him. But at the same time I am scared. He is the first man who did that to me. Im scared na baka masaktan lang ako sa huli. But his efforts and his love ang nagpalakas ng loob ko para sumugal.

On the 24th of May year 2010, I gave him my heart. We were having lunch at the same 7/11 store where we first met. I bought an ice cream, tinapat ko sa mukha nya yun gaya nung ginawa nya dati. "Hi, Im Cae" sabi ko pagkatapat ko ng icecream sa mukha nya with a smile on my face. Ewan ko, pero kinabahan ako nung time na yun.

Kinuha nya yung Icecream sa kamay ko ng tumatawa.

"Hi, Cae. Im Alexander." Sagot nya na natatawa.

"Al, sinasagot na kita" sabi ko ng may ngiti. Bakas sa mukha nya ang pagkagulat. Pero nakabawi din sya at nagsalita. "Sorry Cae, pero di na kita matatanggap as my girlfriend" sabi nya na nagpawala sa ngiti ko. "Kasi mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magiging asawa ko" dugtong nya. He hugged me so tight that time. Tuwang tuwa sya dahil finally daw sinagot ko na sya. That day was just so memorable. We were so happy. And his smiles was really priceless, as always. We became legal to my parents and his after just a month. Everything was doing great.

We celebrated our monthsary, then our first anniversary. Time passes so fast, we've celebrated our second anniversary and our graduation two months after. Our studies went well, both of us graduated with honors. Our parents were so proud of us, so am I. We achieved one of our goals together.

New environment ang sumalubong sa amin. Dahil just months after graduation, nagtrabaho na agad kami. Hard at first, may mga misunderstandings. We face challenges... Together. Tho it was really hard, napagtagumpayan namin yun ng magkasama.

2015.

On our fifth anniversary. He made a surprise for me. I thought that we will just have a dinner, pero instead sa resto, nagdrive sya uphill. And from there, the view was just so breath-taking. City lights below us, thousands and millions of stars above, and there he was, hugging me from the back. The moment was so perfect. "I love you" mahina kong sabi habang nakatingin sa mga stars.

"I love you more" Alexander replied. Still hugging me from the back. Siniksik nya yung mukha nya sa balikat ko, but after a while bumitaw sya sa pagkakayakap nya. May kinuha sya sa compartment ng kotse nya na... Jar. The jar looks a bit heavy. May laman syang mga kulay red na papel. He put it on the mat na nilatag namin kanina. And asked me to sit beside him. Nag indian sit ako sa harap nya, nasa pagitan namin yung jar.

"Here, that's my gift. Happy anniversary!" He said cheerfully, again while wearing his contagious smile. "Aw. Thank you! I love you!" I replied and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

"Best gift" he said as our lips parted. " So, this jar right here" he tapped the top of the jar. "These little heart papers inside has a message written inside them. Those messages are things that I want to tell to you. But the thing is, kukuha ka lang ng isang heart jan sa jar everytime na may happy moments tayo together. And you will read that in front of me. Gusto ko makita yung magiging reaction mo sa bawat message na mababasa mo" mahabang paliwanag nya. Natawa ako sa kakornihan ng idea nya but at the same time kinikilig ako sa jar na to and sa efforts nya. The jar was really overflowing with those heart papers. I wonder kung gano katagal nya ginawa yung mga hearts and messages  na yun. That night ended.

Days, weeks and months pass by so quickly. Maraming happy moments with Alexander ang naranasan ko. That just means maraming heart messages na din ang nabasa ko from that jar. At sa bawat message na mababasa ko ay mas lalo kong nafifeel kung gano ako kamahal ni Al. We love each other so much. Di maiiwasan ang away, but we manage to resolve it as fast as possible.

A year passed. May laman pa din yung jar. Wow, I think nasa one thousand yung nagawa nyang hearts sa loob nun. Mas maraming happy moments ang nacelebrate namin ng magkasama. His birthday, my birthday our sixth anniversary, lots of monthsaries and many more. A year and a half after nya ibigay yung jar, malapit na maubos yung mga hearts. I told it to him, actually medyo nalungkot ako na paubos na yung hearts. Pero tinawanan nya lang ako that time, telling me na ang cute ko daw dahil mukha akong bata. He told me na di ko kailangan malungkot dahil pag naubos na yung hearts, may surprise sya sakin ulit. That lighten up my face. I really love his surprises. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and smile at him.

Time comes where there were only five hearts left on the jar. Binasa ko yung 5th heart nung monthsary namin. "You are my star on the dark sky. My light on my darkest nights. You are the reason of my smiles, the greatest love of my life."  That's what written inside the fifth heart. I can't find the right words to describe how much I love this man in front of me. Niyakap ko lang sya ng sobrang higpit bilang reaksyon sa letter na binasa ko. He kissed the top of my head and hug me tighter.

Until a day came, only two hearts were there inside the jar. "This love I have is too much for this lifetime. 'till my next life you will be my greatest love. In this lifetime, I wanna grow old with you. In our second life, I promise that I will still find you and love you over and over again. I love you!❤" The second to the last letter.  Binasa ko to nung celebration namin ng birthday nya. "I LOVE YOU, ALWAYS AND UNTIL THIS LIFETIME ENDS, AND WILL LOVE YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN." He said while staring  at me, then touched  his forehead with mine. Our fingers intertwined. He kissed me slowly and softly. How I Love this man.

March 18th 2018

You call early in the morning. Like what you always do, greeting me  a good morning. A normal day for the both of us.  You picked me up to drive me to work. We were planning our vacation on subic that coming weekend.

3:00pm that day, you called to say that you won't be able to pick me coz you still have so many paper works to finish. You said sorry but I told you that it was really fine. So I went home alone. I was so tired, I just texted you that Im home and I'll just talk to you tomorrow coz im really tired. You called me after receiving my text, but while talking to you I fell asleep. Di ko alam kung gano katagal bago mo napatay yung tawag.

At 3:00am that night.

A phone call wakes me up. And that phone call, almost destroyed my whole being. I rush to the hospital where they take you. My hands were shaking. I can't feel my heart beating. I don't even know kung pano ako nakapunta sa hospital ng safe. While fast walking through the halls of the hospital my tears are already flowing down from my eyes. Di ko na halos makita ang nilalakaran ko. I approached the nurse station and asked.

"U-uhm... E-excuse-- excuse me... Uhm... M-may nadala ba ditong... Uhm A-Al--- Alexander Jimenez?" My voice's shaking. Halos di ko kayang sabihin yung pangalan nya... They told me where can I find him.

I was already running going to the room where they take him. I've reached the hall where his room is located. Every step that I am making is just so heavy. Papalapit pa lang ako nung nakita ako nila Ash, your best friend, together with him is his girlfriend, Kath. They came on the hospital faster dahil malapit lang sa kanila. Ash immediately hugged me as soon na nakalapit ako sa Kanila. Kath held my hand so tight. And dun pa lang di ko na napigilang humagulgol. Di pa nila nasasabi... Alam ko na... Di ko lang kayang tanggapin. Panong sa isang iglap bigla nalang syang mawawala.

March 19, 2018.

2:30 am

Alexander Choi Jimenez

Is found dead on the spot due to car accident in Magtibay St. Novaliches, Quezon City.

He left. He left me alone.

Months passed. I became depressed. But I manage to get through it with the help of my family and friends. And also because I know, he don't want to see me like that.

Today, I came back to my house. On the first couple of months di ko nakayanang bumalik dito. Coz every corner of this house reminds me of him. And it hurts like hell, thinking about how happy we are then suddenly... He left.

I go to my room and there I saw the jar. That's the jar he gave to me on our 5th anniversary. A tear escaped from my eyes. Maalikabok na yung ibabaw ng jar. Then I saw the last heart left on the jar. I was supposed to read that kung natuloy yung vacation namin sa subic. I opened the jar. Dun ko nalaman na the last heart was taped on the bottom, as if it was really meant to be the last piece of heart to be left. I get it and opened it. Shocked. Napatakip ako ng bibig sa nabasa kong nakasulat. My tears fell from my eyes. Di na tumigil pa ang pagluha ko.

I love you and will love you until the end of this lifetime, Al. I will still love you over and over again.

"Will you marry me?"

Was the last message from the last heart that was left on the jar of hearts.

Alexander. The man I love the greatest.

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