Chapter 19 - Criss-Cross - Part 3

Suddenly A Star - Part 3

Jamie calls for me. I guess it's time to eat. I make my way to the door, place my hand on the scanner, and watch it rotate. Before long it opens to the first floor. Man am I glad my world got rid of stairs. By the time I enter the kitchen, following the hallway, I'm starved. But what I see confuses me.

"What is this?"

The table is set with a beautiful, red tablecloth. On it lays old fashion looking silverware. There's an array of beautiful food on the plates, with a couple of candles burning in the center of it. They burn off a scent of lavender that makes me queasy in missing of Arsea.

"Welcome home," Jamie's voice echoes from further back in another room. When she enters the kitchen, she's adorned with a beautiful, dark blue dress that sparkles in the candlelight.

It clings tightly to her, showing off her lithe body, but enunciating her curves. "That doesn't answer my question," I take a step back, informing her of my confusion.

But she only gestures for me to take a seat. I feel unbelievably awkward right now and search for something to talk about, anything. But Jamie seems to have decided to speak up first.

"So, are you ready to tell me where you've been?"

What do I say to that? This is even more awkward than it was with Grandpa.

"I was just… away for awhile."

"I see. You have no intention of telling me the truth, do you?"

Her accusation forces a knot to form in my stomach, making it hard to hold down this wonderful dinner. But I have to be honest with her. So I just offer her a nod.

"Once again, ne?"

My fork slips from my hand and rattles a high pitch complaint in protest. I stare at her, thoughts frozen inside me. "Again?"

Jamie lets out a deep sigh that seems to go somewhere far away for a moment. But eventually, she shifts around in her seat and comes back to me.

"I have a story for you, Eve."

I look at her and my heart speeds up. It thump, thump, thumps inside my chest, forcing blood to my head, making me feel dizzy. I don't want to hear what comes next, but I can't resist it. And so it comes:

I know we've known each other our whole lives, but that doesn't mean we've only known each other. As you had Rachel, I had another, whom I spent most of my time with. You probably want to know why I never mentioned her to you? I didn't, because it's none of your business. More importantly, I didn't, because she told me not to. Sort of. The cautionary way she carried herself made it apparent that she didn't like being caught there- that she didn't desire to be found. She was very secretive and never made an appearance in public with me. Our time was spent in solitude, on the river bank behind the school. We met one day when I went to cool off after my boyfriend was being an ass.

I found her there, skirt hiked, feet dipped into the cool water. She didn't pay me attention. But you could tell that she was annoyed by my presence. Indeed, for the longest time, she never even spoke to me. I'd go on and on about my day, and my life, but she'd ignore me. I always thought, "Maybe she won't be here today." But she was. Every day I was drawn there after I split with you and Rachel; as if a force I couldn't comprehend commanded me to. It was as if it was a secret meeting, meant for us and no other, and so I would double back around and sneak past the patrols, to the river.

For two years, I spoke to her, never knowing her name, never hearing her voice. But then one day, I mentioned you. It was after Rachel… died.

It was only then, that she spoke up. As if this was exactly what she had been waiting for the entire time, she asked me everything about you. I'd say she bordered on obsessed, but I couldn't help but tell her everything she wanted to know. After all, she listened to me bitch and moan for years...

Then you upped and disappeared. That was the day she didn't show up.

My throat is parched, the food- ash. I can't swallow this sand. I can't blink away the crumbs of fate's twisted desires. That sounds like…

"You ask, on the inside, why I'm treating you like this? Why I don't ask you where you've been, what you've done?" Jamie reaches over and in a move I could never have imagined, she clasps my hand in hers.

"Because I know about secrets, and the burdens they bear on those who keep them."

I want to scream from the sensation of her touch. It's smoldering- her eyes, still-burning coals. She's engulfing me in a way someone like her never has, possibly never will again.

"Who are you?" I eke out.

But her expression is telling. A wry smile dangles on her lips, her hand rubs mine in comfort. And then in a darker twist of fate, she mirrors words I've heard before.

"I don't know what's bothering you Eve. But you're my best friend and I can tell that, whatever it is that's happened to you, is not over, not by a long shot. However-" she lets go of my hand, snakes her fingers around my wine glass, and with the smallest of motions, throws its contents on me.

"You still deserve punishment for your attitude. You are not as special as you think you are. And the rest of us? We are not as pathetic as you choose to believe."

The wine on me is nothing compared to the blanket her words have laid over me. This is it. This is what sends me over. I can't stand it anymore, and I cry. I fall back further into my chair, wet and sticky, and add to the mess with my heart leaking out of my eyes.

Jamie wears an expression of hurt. "I didn't mean to upset you that much. I figured some wine would be better than a slap or something else…"

I can't help but let a small laugh out between sobs. "No."

I stand up and embrace her with nearly all of my strength. I envelop her with my being, hoping who I am, can be transmitted through her. I can't help but speak up, "I'm sorry I'm so pathetic."

She wraps an arm around me and pats my back. "It's fine. You aren't perfect Eve. And whatever it is between you, and others, I'm sure it'll end for the better."

"You're so positive, even though you have no idea just how bad it is."

"I know that you have people who care about you, and who will be with you 'till the end. Don't underestimate us," she says in her cocky way, with a flex of her arm.

Just as the warmth of her care starts to fill me, I'm shot forward physically by the absolute slamming inside my head. I lurch forward and fall to my knees, head in hand. The pounding is harder and heavier than it has ever been. But I don't understand it. Rei is gone. How could she be pounding inside of me?

Another flashes through my thoughts, a train of thought I had before passing out.

I can tell Jamie is trying to yell at me and check to see if I'm ok. All I can manage to do is shake my head when she asks if she should set off my iWrist.

Minutes, maybe hours, perhaps a lifetime later, the pounding stops. Jamie is rocking me in her arms, running her fingers through my hair.

When I finally feel well enough to let my head go, she ushers some water into my hands. I take it all down as soon as possible. And like the day of the arena, it was too much, too fast. But Jamie shows no signs of disgust as I cough some of it up. Instead, she asks me with worry, what that was all about.

"I don't know."

I immediately hold up my hand and cut her off, "No. I really don't know. I promise."

"That's even worse. We really should get you checked out."

But I know it isn't normal. So there's nothing anyone else can do. Or worse, maybe there is, and I'd have so much more to answer for. So I deny her vehemently.

With much reluctance, she leads me to the table again.

"You look beautiful by the way," I try to distract her from her worry.

Though truth be told, she really was quite stunning. Yet honestly, it doesn't make me react in that kind of way. Not like some of the others.

Nonetheless, her face grows a shade pinker. I suppose I never have been so direct with her before.

"Thanks. But are you sure you're ok?"

"More to the point," I decide to change topics and get onto something I've been dying to talk about. "What's happened with Him? I wanna see Him."

Once again, she tilts her head at me.

"Come on, seriously. We were so close to getting together before. I'd like to see if we could pick up where we left off. You know, get some normalcy back in my life."

My voice nearly chokes near the end. Oh to be normal- how I miss you. Yet, my stomach doesn't, and hasn't fluttered when thinking of Him. Surely I've not been so broken. He was the love of my life. I know he was, damnit.

"Eve, seriously, who are you talking about?"

"Him! You know! Him." I practically yell at her. I don't like her screwing with me like this.

"Seriously, Eve. Calm down. Who is, "Him?" I mean, literally. What is his name? Where does he go to school? Are you sure I've met a guy you actually liked? Because I'm usually good at picking up on things like that."

Yes, she is. Which confuses me more. "Him, you know. Good at sports, handsome, smart, really popular, nice, well built. Come on, Him, you know- Him."

She gives a snort-like laugh and cuts herself off, "You're explaining someone awfully perfect. Don't you think I would have gobbled up someone like that a long time ago? What's his name anyway?"

She ends her sentence by drinking some wine. Her casual demeanor does nothing to help the sinking feeling in my chest.

"His name, obviously, was, you know."

"I do not."

"Um…"

"Eve, maybe he was the product of some dream you had?"

"No!" I deny it with rage.

"Ok! Ok! Fine! Mr. Perfect exists! Now get out there tomorrow, and find him!" she orders me.

"That's a good idea!" I can't believe I didn't think of it myself.

"And watch out for Gehenna. Apparently the world will end when it comes."

"I can't believe you, you goof," I tell, eliciting a small giggle from her. She gets up to escort me to the door.

"Please be careful getting home. You've been gone long enough."

"Yes Mom."

She cocks an eyebrow at me. With "Smartass," as her last comment, I shrug, and turn to leave, waving her goodbye. I've decided, after school tomorrow, I'll hunt Him down, and get my happy ending.

But… "Gehenna, ne?" I speak out loud, unaware of myself. The pounding inside my skull acts up, for just a moment, before backing away.

I think I'm a monster…