The Apology (22)

"What I failed to do in the past does not excuse you from what you have done. The two are not one and the same. Two wrongs do not make a right. Things don't even out just like that," Joann said.

Xu Jing's heart sunk. When he heard the apology, he innocently thought things were going to come to its resolution soon so when he heard what his wife had to say, he was understandably disappointed.

Seeing the look of defeat on her husband's face, Joann felt her heart give. She genuinely felt sorry for her husband for laying all these things on him. Granted he had done some stupid things but how far did he need to pay before he could get his forgiveness.

Examining this from an objective perspective, Joann realized the mistake that she had done for taking advantage of Xu Jing in their marriage technically led to him having the extra-marital affair so she too should bear part of the responsibility.

Joann was now honest enough to herself to admit that she too wasn't the perfect wife in this partnership and there was plenty of things about her that was left to be desired. However, compared to her, Xu Jing was quick to accept her apology.

Of course, what she did and what he did couldn't be equated or even be discussed as the same thing, Joann still felt it was rather unfair that she had done so little but had already received the forgiveness that she refused to give him even though he had done a lot more than she did.

Joann did not want to hang onto the past so stubbornly but she could not just wipe the slate clean, and forget about his betrayal, forget about the fact that he had allowed another woman into the sanctity of their marriage.

Joann combed her mind and she decided to tackle this with the most straightforward way. She turned to Xu Jing and said, "Xu Jing, I'm not sure I can ever forgive you for what you have done... but you deserve a second chance, I deserve a second chance, this marriage of ours deserve a second chance.

"I cannot guarantee that I can act like nothing has happened between us but I will try my best to not fixate on it as we move forward... for the sake of us."

Joann could see the face of her husband brightened as she said that and in that moment, she knew she had done the right choice. She wasn't forced into giving the forgiveness because of societal rules or familial pressure, instead she wanted to give the forgiveness to give both of them a second chance.

Even though marriage wasn't about keeping score, after realizing Xu Jing had sacrificed so much for her, Joann took it upon herself to take a step back and choose to compromise for once in their relationship.

Of course, like what she had learned from Lee Mu and Xiu Ling, Joann applied that to the new chapter in her marriage to Xu Jing. Joann reminded the man, "As I've mentioned earlier, this marriage is a joint effort. You're going to have work hard for it as well.

"And no, Xu Jing, I'm not asking for more apologies. Instead, I want you to do the opposite, I might not be able to pretend that it did not happen, there's still no reason for us to have our life circulate around it every day.

"Sorry, if it's making no sense to you, to be fair, it's making as little sense to me as well."

Joann allowed herself a little chuckle. She caught herself rambling which was something that did not happen very often. She normally had a SOP thought out before she began any project or conversation so she had the step by step to do list to complete. However, in this case, things were just a bit all over the place. Too many elements were involved, she had to teeter between the desire to put things behind them and the inability to brush Xu Jing's extra-marital affair off because she did not want to make it seem like it was insignificant and was easily forgivable.

Xu Jing, like usual, very patiently allowed her all the time she needed. He didn't butt in or interject, he just allowed her time to process everything she needed to.

Joann eventually continued, "I guess what I'm saying is, how what we start anew? Begin from zero before things started to go awry.

"I'll try to be more understanding of your feelings and you should take charge more often. Remove all the drama and we'll just focus on the very essence of our relationship. I cannot promise anything in the future but we'll see where this leads us. Okay?" Joann turned to look at Xu Jing, trying to get his reaction.

Xu Jing thought about it and figured this was probably the best outcome he was going to get out of this mess. He was glad to be given a second chance. "Yes, of course." Then, it felt like they needed something ceremonial to mark the end of a rocky yet necessary chapter of their life. A kiss would be pushing things too far but a handshake would be too formal. In the end, Xu Jing opened his arms to a hug.

Joann smiled and leaned into her husband's embrace. It was the first time they had physical contact since the expose. Xu Jing kept his hands on her shoulders and it was a friendly embrace. It felt right. They didn't exactly pick up where they left off but it was a new beginning.

They maintained this pose for quite some time when Xu Jing suddenly realized something. He asked, "Hey, but what about the show? What are we going to do about all those comments and the upcoming episodes?"

Joann answered with a smile, "You do know that our bedroom has microphone, right? I'm sure they will be able to whip up something from the long conversation we've had. If they can edit things to portray me in a certain way, I'm sure they will be able to reverse the effect."

That was her way of repaying the crew for their "kindness".