'Monster'. Chapter 4

Taehyung was never the same after that day. 

His friends left the room , laughing and bubbling about the incident certain if there were repercussions Tae would clean up the mess.

Taehyung 's eyes were piercing the floor, where Kookie's blood had dried. Numbed. Lifeless. A stinging pain was plunged deep in his heart, repeatedly stabbing it. He stumbled and collapsed on the exact spot Kookie was. His thoughts scrambled. His mind foggy. His head was pounding and Kook's cries and screams for help were playing over and over like a broken record. His fingers barely touched the blood...and he felt sick to his stomach.



" How could I? What ..what kind of an...animal am I? A monster... I've... become a...monster...' he muttered, shutting his eyes and ears to stop the grating voices. Hugging his knees, head buried between them,he cradled his body, sobbing." I'm... sorry... I'm so...sorry...please... forgive...me..." 

Seojoon was standing right behind him. Tae's muffled sobs and words broke his heart. It's been a long time since he had seen his cousin's vulnerable side. Almost seven years...after that night... Shaking the thoughts, he gently touched Tae's shoulder but was harsly jerked off.

" Tae... he'll be fine... he's a strong boy...and when he comes back...we can ask his forgiveness. Say sorry." He tried to pull him up but it seemed Tae was glued to the ground.

Seojoon's words seemed like a bad joke. He had doubts concerning not only Kook's recovery but also about him forgiving them. Why would he? They made his life hell for years. Calling him names. Maoking. Insulting him, just because he was different. Judging his appearance rathen than his heart. But today's events were beyond logic. He dread how it would end If Yoongi hadn't shown up. What words could he find to abate his cousin when guilt and odium had gathered in his soul. Cursed his cowardness.

" Come on... let's get out of here."

Tae rumpled his tousled hair, gripping and pulling them forcefully. A piercing whistle shrilled through the empty room. The boy's horrified face wouldn't disappear, adding to his already devastating despair.

Seojoon's second attempt to help him stand up failed. Tae shoved him,shouting." DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!" 

He got up, lurching and left running with his cousin following him. He searched every part of the school but he was nowhere to be found.

Tae went straight back home, locking himself to his room. His mother was at the company and being alone, buried in his grief was all he needed. He shut the windows closed, crawled into a dark corner, collapsed,hugging his knees and allowing his tears to flow freely on bis pale face.

How do you cope knowing your existence brought only suffering to an innocent child? He was different, yes. Didn't fit society's standards. Always withdrawn, shy, minding his own business. Not bothering anyone. Yet, he and his idiotic friends found it amusing to constantly harass and provoke him. Was he so lost ,he got pleasure on torturing him? Being the badass of the school, hiding behind his family's power, was what he cared about? Where the fuck was the old Taehyung? Because looking at his reflection in the mirror, he only saw a complete stranger.

Then there was Yoongi... His childhood friend. His hyung. The person he loved and cared for. Despite Yoongi's advice he deliberately chose to ignore him. Put his faith and follow a bunch of idiots, who led him to disaster. He shook his head. 

" No! No! It was my fault.My choice. Not theirs....mine...only mine...' he whispered in the dark. He couldn't blame them. He chose to adopt their behaviour.They harassed students, got away with it due to his name. His power. His tolerance. And the school 's fear of losing his family's financial support. The crime committed today was hideous.

He was messed up. Totally fucked up. He was lost.

He cried for hours in that corner, slapping his face, hitting his head against the wall,refusing to leave his room, in spite of his mother's pleas. He couldn't deal with her disappointment. 

Three days had passed but Tae's condition remained the same. Still isolated in his room, he denied food or any sort of interaction with anyone. One night, well he couldn't be sure, he distinctly remembered hearing Seojoon's voice and willfully ignored it. His wish was to cut all ties with his past, including his cousin.

At one point, he sneaked out of the house and wondered around the bustling city. His feet shuffled him outside Yoongi's but lacked in courage to ring the bell. Spending hours there, hoping and wishing to get a glimpse of his friend, he eventually gave in and continued traipsing in the streets of Seoul.



When he found the courage to face the world and his mother, her behaviour puzzled him. No questions. No giving him a piece of her mind.No shouting. Nothing. 

For three weeks , he would go to school and wait at the entrance for one of them to appear, in vain. They were still absent.

Isuel demanded a reasonable explanation for his behaviour and he blatantly told her to get lost! Broke up with her on the spot. Her whole existence was irritating and he wasn't in love with her. 

The gang approached him on several occasions but faced the same response. Told them to fuck off! Leave him alone and not count on his name to avoid punishment.

Seojoon seemed to have done the same. It took a lot of hard effort for him to convince Tae of his change and make him accept him again. This entire fucked up situation had shaken him up! Made him realize what a jerk he was.

However ,Seojoon realized his cousin's significant changes. More distant, introvert, obscure than before. Hell none of them were the same after that day! 

The boy eventually found the guts to visit the Min house. Ringing the bell, Yoongi's aunt appeared at the doorstep.

" Hello auntie...Is hyung home?" He bowed , keeping his head low and his eyes steared clear from hers.

Mrs Min took a good look at the boy before answering." I'm sorry Taehyung. Yoongi isn't here." 

" When will he come back? He... wasn't at school." 

" He left. But even If he was ,I doubt he would want to see you." the woman replied, blatantly, avoiding to invite him in.

" He....he told you." he mummbled through clenched teeth.

" Everything." 

" I... don't know what to say..." He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. The earth split in half so he could crawl inside and stay there, buried.

" Look Taehyung. I won't judge you. However I will offer you my advice as an elder. Everyone makes mistakes in life. The important thing is not to repeat them. Admit, embrace , acknowledge and learn from them. Improve yourself...but mostly discover the reason behind them." She hesitantly patted his shoulder." You're a good person Taehyung and my Yoongi loved you. I believe somewhere along the way you lost yourself. Stop hurting others because you suffer. Find the goodness in you. I wish you the best in life." The woman smiled bitterly and was ready to close the door when his hand stopped her.

" Please auntie...tell me where he is...Do you know if...Kookie is all right?" The desperation in his voice didn't go unnoticed. The older woman felt pity for him,for a brief moment.

She sighed." I can't tell you. He's angry and disappointed...As for the boy, I'm in no position to ease your worries." 

Tae stepped back." They'll never... forgive me...I messed up." Tae said outloud, ruffling his messy hair.

" Have you forgiven yourself?"

The younger was left staring at the closed door with nothing but emptiness in his teary, gloomy eyes.

He had hurt and lost his best friend. His self esteem. Humanity.Had betrayed the values his family taught him but above all he would never see Kookie again. That realisation hurt the most, creating more unanswered questions and affliction.

He didn't return home. At some point he found himself sitting on a bench in the middle of nowhere. Afraid to face his mother. Although she maintained a neutral attitude,not bombing him with questions Taehyung knew...she knew.

He took out a packet of cigarettes from his jacket, lit one, inhaling the smoke. A nasty habit he had acquired during his gang days. There, under the bright moonlight and deafening silence, he pondered how from a joyful, bubbly child ,ended up a criminal. Kookie's face accompanied him, escalating his wrath for his deeds and the insufferable guilt , clenching his heart. Kookie's teary eyes, jittery lips, abused, half naked body , the blood ...so much blood...his agonising shrieks for help...pleads to be set free...For a moment, when their eyes met,he recognised his need for Tae to act. Stop them. Defend him. Tae allowed his worse side to prevail and remained unbothered. He let them...touch him....almost rape him...just for fun. A new round of crying shook his body.

' MONSTER... MONSTER...MONSTER.' his head repeated over and over again.

He couldn't be sure how long he cried or stayed in the same position because when he tried to get up, his feet weren't obeying, plopping on the ground. He finally managed to stand up and shuffling he found his way back home. 

For his bad luck, his mother was sitting in the main living room, anticipating her son's return. The headmaster, after a set of angry complaints from Kookie's family, had informed her about everything. Her son's misconduct, bullying, threats to withdraw their support from the school in case they were punished. It seemed like her dear son had exploited her name to cover up his and his friends crimes. The woman confronted Seojoon and after a very rough interrogation he cracked and spilt the beans in details.

YunHee's suspicions were confirmed in the worst possible way. Now the time had come to have a long talk with her spoilt, little brat. After thoroughly weighing the outrageous situation and the development of her son's rogue character, she had reached important decisions involving his future.

" Sit." Her long hand was raised indicating him to sit his butt on the white couch across from her. Tae submitted to his mother's order, keeping his head low and frantically chewing his lips. His palms were sweaty, mouth dry and head buzzing.

" It came to my attention that during the past four weeks you have been acting weirder than usual. I have tolerated your ' rebellion ' for far too long. Partying, smoking, drinking, bailing you out of prison for vandalizing private property. Begging strangers not to press charges.Justifying and showing understanding. Enough is enough! I will not condomn or accept it any longer." A heavy sigh escaped her lips." Explain yourself, young man.RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

Taehyung was petrified. How could he confess what he had done? Disappoint another person who loved him? However, judging from the look on her face she was simply expecting confirmation. His usual sassy, overbearing self was shrunk to the point he no longer existed. Prolonging the inevitable seemed futile.

He coughed, taking a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes." I...well...me and the...boys did something." 

" I'm all ears. But be careful! I want the truth." she warned him.

" For the last four years we.... bully a boy...a sixteen year old boy." He paused when getting no reaction from his mother. Somehow the words were seeping out, unfolding their hideous actions in detail. By the time he had finished, tears of sadness and shame were drowning his eyes.

YunHee got up, went to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the fridge and returned to the living room. Pouring a brave portion of liquid on a glass, she swang it, hissing. She approached her son, standing in front of him, gripped his jaw, forcing him to meet her eyes. She raised her hand and slapped him with all her strength, making Tae's face jerked backwards ,leaving a handprint on his cheek. Then she walked away.

Taehyung froze. His mother had never raised a hand on him before. Not even when he was being extremely naughty as a child. His jittery fingers touched the painful skin. It wasn't the slap that hurt him but the act. For his calm mother to hit him he must really push her over the edge.

He ran upstairs to her bedroom, opened the door and stormed in. YunHee was leaning by the window,staring at the bright moon, wishing upon the stars for things to change. For this to be a bad dream. Her son...her only son...her adorable,little boy....her tiger...was a...criminal. He almost...abused an innocent boy.

" Mum...?" 

She ignored him. Didn't turn his way." Get out. Leave me alone." 

" Mum...please..." he begged but stayed put, afraid of her reaction.

" I told you to leave me alone. Get away from me. I do not want to see or talk to you. LEAVE!" she growled. Her body panged , fuming in anger.

Taehyung understood his mother's disappointment in him. Talking to her right now seemed pointless. Tell her what? Justify what? He was as guilty as charged. So he ran away, locking himself in his room. Another sleepless night, crying, tortured by nightmares. Dreaming about Kookie.

The next morning ,one of the maids asked Tae to come to the dining room. After a cold shower, he put on a pair of black sweatpants, a loose , black hoodie and took one good look in the mirror. 

Bloated eyes, hanging eyelids, dark circles and bags, pale skin like a vampire and a droopy mouth , full of nips from constantly biting his lips. He resembled a zombie.

He met his mother at the dining table. 

She had already finished her breakfast,waiting for him. Taehyung sat at the other end of the table, keeping his hands on his thighs, rubbing them from time to time. Her contemptuous gaze made him gulp.

YunHee steepled her hands, in an act of superiority and power , staring at her son's miserable state. As much as it hurt her , she had to be strict. For his good.

" Taehyung, I have loved you the moment I held you in my arms. Saw your beautiful face and smile ,heard your cries, your first word... watched you take your first step. Your father and I were very proud of our sweet son. Our good boy." She let out a sigh and continued." Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to bail my son out of prison like a common criminal. Dealing with his anger issues and irresponsibility that nearly turned him into a rapist. Was bullying a boy fun to you? Made you feel powerful? Amused your twisted friends? Have I failed as a parent? As a mother or a woman? Has your father's absence created such void in your life, you had to lash your anger on a boy? You betrayed my love, trust and the values we taught you." 

Taehyung lowered his head at her calm yet strict words, empowered with shame,wishing he was dead." I'm sorry." be mumbled, nibbling his lips.

" Sorry?" She laughed,snorting." Is that what you dare say? Sorry...for what? For hurting innocent people? Friends? Family? Those poor parents who saw their son covered in blood for your amusement? For betraying your closest,dearest hyung, disrespecting your friendship? I am disappointed in you Kim Taehyung. Very disappointed."

His constant crying and hiccuping , mumbling 'sorry' , didn't reduce her scolding or deviated her from her decisions. In order to save her son ,she had to be resolute.

" As of tomorrow, you'll be working at the company, starting from the bottom,as a storekeeper. Forget the name Kim or that you're the owner 's son. I'm cutting off your allowance. You'll live exclusively on your salary...the money you earn. No more fast cars, luxurious lifestyle , expensive gifts for your girlfriends. Your car is confiscated . Use public transport like an ordinary person. Your credit cards are canceled. If I see you hanging around with those boys I'll disinherite you. If you cause more trouble I'll disinherite you and kick you out of my house. Time for you to man up and be responsible for a change. Have I made myself clear? " 

Taehyung gave her a nod , sniffling, wipping his nose with the back of his hand.Hunching forward he felt his blood gathering in his head from hanging low for so long. His neck was stiff. 

" Words Taehyung. I need to hear you say it." 

" Yes, mum...I understand." 

" One other thing. You and Seojoon will change schools from Monday. I have enrolled you in a great public school. And you'll go to the police station and confess your crimes or I'll do it myself. Trust me you won't like that." 

The boy accepted his mother's decisions without complaining. He deserved the worst punishment and was ready to receive it but not before finding Kookie. Apologise to him. Ask for forgiveness. See those dazzling, doe eyes , hidden behind the thick glasses. Hear those cute giggles for the simplest thing... For the cherry blossom...feeding a stray kitten in the park... reading a book under a tree... admiring a painting at the Museum of Modern Art... eating strawberries making a mess of his plump lips... For some odd reason, he often found himself stalking the boy. Observing him from afar. The way he blinked his eyes when shy or twirled his hair when anxious. He made him ...smile or at least silent smile.

Suddenly it hit him. He understood what his heart knew but his mind refused.

The thick fog had vanished and he could see the end of the tunnel. 

Kookie.

Kookie was there.

Smiling.

Waving his small hand.

" Mum please find Kookie...please...I must talk to him... please mama...I...I..." 

YunHee was shocked. Taehyung hadn't called her mama since he was eight. He would sit on her lap, hug her, giggle and call her mama in the sweetest way. " Why? What do you possibly have to say to him Taehyung?"

" That...I love him... I'm in love with him mama..." he exclaimed in a long breath.