Review Detail of Toni_Yunanto in Mystery of the Whispering Grove

I think you have a nice idea for a story, but there are some areas that you could improve on. Here are some suggestions: The first sentence is a bit vague. What does “preserved Aria lounge” mean? Is it a place that belongs to Aria or is it named after her? You could clarify this by adding more details or using a different word. For example, you could say “Aria and Theo find themselves by the fireplace in their cozy lounge, filled with books and intriguing artifacts that Aria had collected over the years.” or “Aria and Theo find themselves by the fireplace in the Aria Lounge, a quaint and charming place that was named after Aria’s grandmother.” The second sentence is a bit confusing. How does Aria recall a quiet old house by the creaking of the floorboards? Is she remembering a specific house or a general impression? You could make this clearer by using more descriptive words or adding some punctuation. For example, you could say “As they sit together, Aria recalls a quiet old house that she used to visit as a child, where the wooden floorboards would creak in a soothing rhythm.” or “As they sit together, Aria recalls how the creaking of the wooden floorboards reminded her of a quiet old house.” The third sentence is incomplete. It ends with “Of course, this is not new to them” but it does not explain what is not new to them. Is it the creaking of the floorboards, the fireplace, or the lounge? You could complete this sentence by adding more information or connecting it to the previous sentences. For example, you could say “Of course, this is not new to them, as they have spent many nights like this before.” or “They were used to the creaking of the floorboards, as they had been coming to this lounge for years.”