A lot was done in here but u gotta put more effort. Love the plot and character/setting. But your punctuation is to be looked into, so as to enable a flow as it's being read through
Thank for the review, but for most people, they found it pretty easy to read. It may just be personal preference or something similar that's preventing you from getting into the flow, and that's completely natural. I hope you have a good 2023 :)