Review Detail of iam_adh in I belong to you!

The first chapter was a bit short to me and there's not much that I can go off of but I do have suggestions. When it comes to dialog, its best to have the person speaking have its own paragraph, for example: Auo raised his hand to his temple, rubbing his head to lessen the oncoming headache. "I don't want him on my team," he said with anger laced in his tone. "Too bad," Beck began," he's the only player left so you must have him on your team." Also, some sentences were incomplete and lacked tone and mood. Despite this the plot is interesting and the setting isn't too hard to understand. The characters so far are realistic and the world background has potential to become more.