Review Detail of SpeedwagonDrip in Borne of Caution

Fic definitely has potential and has an idea that I find interesting, so I look forward to future chapters. The only small problem I have is how the story is written (grammar-wise). Here is a sentence for example, "Enough time to catch some lunch and a nap in the supply closet. Nice." Lee thinks with a grin, turning towards the exit to the visitor area. What the person said was grammatically correct, but it should be "Lee thought with a grin as he turned towards the exit to the visitor area." Atleast, for me it should be like this since a lot of novels are also written like that. Although it seems grammatically correct, it still sounds incredibly weird, especially since it's different to what I usually read. Well, it's just my opinion on the way sentences are written, so it doesn't really matter unless others share the same thing.