Well the story is quite interesting in itself. There could be a little more descriptions of the settings and emotions but it is doing surprisingly well without it too. I usually don't read this kind of story so I found it pretty unique and specially how similar it really is to an RPG game. It has a right balance of various aspects and I especially enjoy the humour in between. A little editing of punctuation and grammar could increase its standard to another level but besides that it's well written.
Haroldtigre
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