Scene and background description are really good. It is as if you can see and feel what is going on. Characters are well-described. There are some grammatical errors with verbs and tenses. I would also like to recommend not putting sounds coming from objects in quotation marks because that is usually reserved for speech/dialogue. You can just describe the sound in a sentence or phrase. Also, I'm not sure about some of the characters calling themselves in the third person, but that maybe just my preference and does not bother other readers. Please keep up the good work, Author.
Sweet_SourKiwi
Beliebt bei 1 Personen
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