Review Detail of YoruOtreu in Zhoro's Universe:Loose Screws

The story is quite humorous and I think your writing style fits quite well with it. The plot also seems very interesting and I’m already forming theories on as to what is actually happening. I enjoy how blunt the main protagonist is. My one and only recommendation would be that in the earlier chapters the main character would have a thought and then repeat the exact same thing out loud. Sometimes this works but since he’s saying it out loud I find it better to just have the dialogue and add on top of it with the thoughts. Other than that I think you’re doing a good job. I look forward to the author continuing the story.