jaymanifesto

Hello! As of now I don’t, but I plan to make one in the future! I’ll send it in the Discord server where we both stay in <3

Yes, people who are nearing the end of their life, or are unhealthy, can see the glowing red mist.

At first I was hooked. I was captivated by your title and synopsis. So far, your definition of the “One Above All” is what helps your story stand out, though from what I heard, there’s already a character that’s named One Above All, if I’m not mistaken. What I like about this story is the power play here, where MC basically puts himself on a pedestal above others, with those others being treated equally (correct me if I’m wrong). Haven’t read all of the story yet, but I suggest more descriptive dialogue on the beginning especially since your starting point will leave a lasting impression. Make every word count. Before writing the backstory, think of certain questions the reader would have in advance, if you know what I mean. By this way, you are trying to get into the perspective of the reader who of course will be full of questions upon reading your novel. Basically if you ask me, a backstory should be able to answer three questions: What was the character’s past like? What made them that way? What is expected of their future? Anyways, here are my two cents. Your novel has potential, though the end goal to me, is quite generic. He plans to create a world where he is superior above all and that it’ inhabitants are all equal without any form of discrimination. This is quite common in post-apocalyptic and sci-fi genres. Overall, I think your concept is badass, and I happen to enjoy concepts that have to do with such. Good luck on your writing journey!

I suggest shortening the info dumps, if you can’t eliminate it. Limit it to like five to six lines, or even lesser.

Interesting take for an isekai novel. I don’t like to nitpick since it isn’t really something great to do. You got me with the really interesting title and the synopsis. However I feel like things went by too fast, I was hoping you’d give a more descriptive overview of the main character.

Okay so, I’ve read at least a few chapters of your book and I’ve got to say that I was a bit confused about the first part (the prologue). What exactly was going on in the World? But then, I realized it was just a dream. What I like about this book is that it can be adapted into an anime series, probably with sci-fi elements. The downside is that you’re dumping too much information on the reader terms that they’ll hardly remember. My suggestion is: - Incorporate your info-dumping in a chapter where people are having a conversation about the history of your World. Info dumping kills the mood. I know it’s a hard habit to unlearn, but I prefer seeing their abilities in action rather than having you explain it. Anyhow, I like this story, it’s basically three friends with cute elf ears having a bunch of shenanigans. Not really my type of novel, but as an anime fan I appreciate your use of -sama and -chan. I know you have other books that contain similar lore, and I’d be more than willing to help you on that if you want. Just tag me. Best of luck on your writing journey.

I suggest explaining all this in a later chapter, perhaps in a conversation where they talk about the history of the world. The habit of info dumping is still more apparent in this story.

I thought Vier was a man, but I’ll carry on 😂

I suggest saying, ”Uwarrrghhhh!” Vier screamed in pain. Again, I’m not forcing you to change your story whatsoever, but the brackets format for signifying who’s talking (the [vier] thing) kinda kills the mood.

Okay so I was a bit confused, but what I picked up so far from your story is that Vier (?) is screaming and letting out a cry for help for they don’t want to die. There are heroes apparently coming to save your character from the World being destroyed, if I got it right? What I usually dislike is when there are too many elements shoved into my face at the same time, giving me backgrounds of the heroes. I want to see action, and less over-explanation.